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 Post subject: Earthstar's Post of Writing Fantabulousness
PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 5:40 pm 
PPT Baby
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Posts: 72
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This is my first Neopets story and I would like it if you have any comments and suggestions.

Quote:
It was another minute in an hour, another hour in a day, another day in a week, another, well, you know what I mean. It was just another boring day of the kind so common in my life.
<p>
I guess I should introduce myself before continuing on with my narrative. My name is Mrrth. I'm just your simple, common, lenny with no connection to anything of any importance. I live in your average neohome with the average owner and the average sibling with an average amount of neopoints. Just plain old mediocre me.
<p>
On this quite ordinary day, my sister, Kirakree, and my owner, Earthstar, were shopping/bargan hunting/seeing how much junk they could drag into the house because it was cheap. I stayed at home, where I was busy enough organizing all the ancient tomes at home. I had just dug out some moldy magazines (Earthstar could never bear to throw away anything) when a very faint noise came from the door. I say very faint because I most certainly could not have heard the scratching but the petpets went crazy. They can sense things better than we can.
<p>
Sighing (and taking in the dust floating around in the air, which sent me into a coughing fit), I wondered who might be at the door. It most likely was a salespet, although most of them rang the doorbell. It could be a stray petpet begging for food. Whatever it was, my curiosity would be satisfied soon.
<p>
Upon seeing what lay on the other side of the door I gasped. On the ground lay a severely injured pet! She had long gashes on her blue fur. It was hard to tell what kind of beast she was because of all the grit and wounds but I could make it out to be a zafara. She seemed to have been living on the streets all her life for the skin hung loose on her emaciated frame. A worn old traveling bag lay limply on the ground next to her.
<p>
Although shocked by her appearance, I knew I had to act fast if she was to be saved. I dashed into my neohome as fast as my claws would let me. I found a basin, filled it with water, and grabbed a clean sponge. In order to treat the mysterious zafara's wounds, I first needed to clean them up.
<p>
I uncovered many scars from past conflicts as I washed her. I could feel every single bone. Some of the cuts seemed to dissolve away as I sponged at it. It was not something I noticed at the time as there were still many more wounds.
<p>
Now that her wounds were clean, I needed to find enough bandages to cover all the exposed flesh. There was a critical shortage of bandages in the house so I had to improvise. Tales had been told to me of shipwrecked pirates using strips of their clothing as makeshift bandages so several spare cotton sheets met their demise.
<p>
As I was putting the last strips of cloth on, a cloud of dust rose on the horizon. Earthstar and Kirakree had come home. They were laden with the fruitful results of the shopping trip. Upon sighting the injured zafara though, they dropped their packages and rushed to her side.
<p>
The injured creature was gently brought indoors, leaving me behind.
<p>
This treatment was nothing new to me. People seemed to ignore me as if I was nonexistant. Bullies don't even try to take my stuff.
<p>
There was nothing to do but pick up the dropped items and head on inside. I saw that all eyes were on the zafara, who by this time had woken and was sitting on the couch. She was being bombarded by questions of all sorts.
<p>
"What's your name?"
<p>
"Kira"
<p>
"That's just like mine only I'm Kirakree! Is your favorite color like mine?"
<p>
"Well, it's blue-"
<p>
"Wow, we could be twins or something!"
<p>
Most of the questions came from Kirakree the rainbow aisha. She was the first pet Earthstar had and she was spoiled. All the best items went to her. She got to read all the books, eat all the best food, and play with all the greatest and latest toys. Earthstar took her anywhere and everywhere she wanted. She's not all bad though, just coddled.
<p>
"Do you have an owner?" Earthstar finally had the sense to ask.
<p>
"No, I've been living on the streets my whole life."
<p>
"That's terrible! How did you get injured?"
<p>
"I was walking in the alleyway between your house and the next when some thieves attacked me from behind and stole all my neopoints. The next thing I remember is finding myself here, after being healed by an angel."
<p>
Kira looked directly at me when she said that. It was creepy. Earthstar and Kirakree didn't seem to notice. They huddled together, whispering about something.
<p>
"We have reached an agreement." Earthstar announced. "Since you have no home, why don't you stay here, with us?"
<p>
"Do you really mean it?" Kira said, grey eyes on the verge of tears.
<p>
"Of course silly! Why would we joke around?" Kirakree added.
<p>
"This is the happiest in my life! I can't wait to settle down and live here!" Kira rejoyced. Kirakree lept up and gave her a big flying hug that nearly knocked her off the couch. Kira's face was turning dangerous colors. I needed to step in.
<p>
"Umm, Kirakree, I think that you should stop hugging Kira. Her face is turning blue."
<p>
"Don't be silly. Her face was already blue. Besides, where were you when all this was happening? Holed up in your room again?"
<p>
(page break)
<p>
At first things were a bit hectic around here. Kira had to have a room to stay in, so she took my room. I was shifted to what used to be the supply closet. The grocery shopping also had to be recalculated. It's really hard to share one omelette among two siblings. Sometimes the toilets exploded.
<p>
Eventually, things gained a sense of normalcy, as things, no matter how abnormal ,normally do. Kira was outgoing and made friends no matter what the situation. She quickly became the most popular neopet in town. Her knowledge and helpfulness were unmatched. In every field she was an expert.
<p>
Events settled into a routine, a place for everything and everything in its place. But something was strange in this situation. All sums did not add up with Kira. She said that she had been living on the streets her whole life. How, then, did she learn how to read and write? And it wasn't only this that was a discrepancy. Her character, her personality was just too perfect! She never got mad, never refused to help anyone. She could charm the grumpiest person. All around her was sunshine, happiness, and good cheer.
<p>
To try to probe this mystery I made trouble. I placed bugs in her food and tacks on her chair. She bore them all calmly. She even made jokes whenever anything went wrong. <i>The mysterious advenger strikes again</i> she'd say. By the way she looked at me, I knew she knew. She knew! Why didn't she say anything?!
<p>
At last I knew what I had to do. I had to manage my sense of impending doom. I needed help.
<p>
Help did not come. I tried to ask someone, anyone, for so much as a word. It did not work. My invisibility so far responsible for it. Even when I did manage to attract someone's attention, it was only because I was doing something wrong. The only one who truely paid attention to me was Kira.
<p>
Yes, the attention I had been seeking was only found in the one who's attention I was tring to avoid. Kira noticed my changes of behavior, my lack of sleep, the bags under my eyes. She seemed to be the only one who <i>knew</i> something was up. All the time she was trying to get me to talk to her, to spill my secrets.
<p>
Tensions were approching critical mass. I could barely operate under the strain. Something had to give. So I made up my mind to do the unthinkable. I was going in <i>her</i> room.

(page Break)

The house was empty, by some form of coincidence. Earthstar was in one of her "secret meetings" of POE (or Penumbra Obscuration Eidolon for short). What they did was anyone's guess. Earthstar did bring back lots of treats after these meetings though. Kirakree was enjoying the company of all her friends at the marketplace. I guess being the most liked pet in town with the highest friend to neighbor ratio had its advantages. Kira was off doing... stuff. All circumstances pointed to the perfect opportunity to visit the spyder's own web.
<p>
I snuck into Kira's room as quietly as I could, even though the house was deserted and it would have made no difference had I stampeded in with the noise of a herd of elephantes.
<p>
I stopped for a moment outside the door. No one exept Kira had even seen the inside of her room since the time I occupied it. Whatever lay behind it would answer my questions forever. Presently, my soul grew stronger, hesitating then no longer, I opened the door.
<p>
The room looked normal. Perfectly, dociley, insanely normal. Everything was neatly arranged with not a speck of dust, from the immaculate Zen Bed to the desktop. The only sign of habitation was a ragged Shadow Aisha Plushie and the same tattered old bag Kira arrived with, stuffed into the corner, seemingly at odds with the decor. This was slightly bothersome to me. I had expected an obvious sign of malicious intent. Why else would she warn everyone away from her room.
<p>
Certainly I wasn't going to quit just then. There was too much resting on this. <i>Where to begin searching? That bag looks suspicious...</i> I grabbed the bag and tipped it upsidedown. A small black notebook fell out and landed on my foot at a sharp corner.
<p>
"Ouch!"
<p>
"Well well well, what have we here?"
<p>
I turned around to see none other than Kira.
<p>
"H-hi?"
<p>
"You, in my room? You, digging through my things!!! Kirakree mabye, Earthstar most probably but you!"
<p>
This was a side of Kira I had never seen before. She was always so calm and collected. Her angry side had never been unleashed before. It was such a change. The very air in the room seemed to crackle with electricity. All her hair was bristling.
<p>
Suddenly, everything defused. All the anger in her subsided like someone had suddenly triggered the off switch.
<p>
"I knew this conversation was going to happen eventually." Her voice took on a langorous, amused tone. "You were always suspicious. I saw your looks, the things you did to my chair when I "wasn't looking". You didn't think I was smart enough to know?"
<p>
I started gaping, my beak opening and closing as if I had nothing to say. And to be truthfull, I didn't. I had not planned what would have happened if she turned out to be the most evil thing in my life. I was in a daze.
<p>
"What's the matter, devilpuss got your tounge? Oh, here I am going on to you when it's obvious you couldn't have guessed the full extent of my plan. You must know about theives, what with all the stories in the Neopian Times about us and all. There are many branches of this illustrious trade. Some of us pickpocket, some of us even sneak into the sanctity of your own neohome. But these methods are notoriously innefficient. What's to alert you that beneath that pillow there might be a Thyoras Tear or that gaudy portrait is worth millions? That's where I come in. I masquerade as one of those street orphans without a home, tell a sob story, shed a few tears, and then enter the hearts of millions. I live with a family, learning all their secrets until it is finally time for me to strike. Then I leave their hearts broken and their pockets empty. Ha!"
<p>
She entered into a villanous kind of laughter(if it can even be called that). I had to stall this, this <i>monster</i> until Earthstar got home.
<p>
"Why Kira, why? You could have your pick of the richest neomillionares in Neopia. Why pick us?"
<p>
"Because they already have all the pets they could want!" snapped Kira. "They have invested their neopoints in stock and neohomes." She seemed rather bitter about the whole thing. "And besides, even if I did manage to make off with a red penny, it would be all over the news, investigations right and left. I can live quite nicely without having my face posted on wanted posters."
<p>
I had suddenly realised what kind of monster Kira was. A hidious demon, bent on nothing but accumilation of wealth. To make things worse, it had been me who had invited this <i>thing</i> into our life, me who spelled the ruin of everything Earthstar had worked so hard for. The entire family would be ruined. And it was all my fault.
<p>
I had to stop her
<p>
"You can't do this. I'll-I'll-"
<p>
You'll what, tell on me? Report me to the chia police? Ha! What a joke. They can't do anything. That's why there's the Defenders of Neopia. But, get this, they're all incompetent too! Why else would they need ordinary neopets to fight for them?
<p>
My entire self seemed to deflate. Kira was right. There was absolutly no one who would notice. Even if I went to someone they would ignore my existance as if I were just another clod of dirt. Have you ever wondered if the dirt has feelings?
<p>
"So feeling the sheer hopelessness of your situation? Are you ready to give up?"
<p>
I looked at her. A smirking demon stood there, a demon disgised as an angel. A disguise that could fool anyone. A disguise that almose fooled me. Steely grey orbs reflected a scrawny, scared looking lenny. I blinked and realised that was me. Was I really like this? Was I really going to spend the rest of my life scared, alone, and soon to be poor? A thought hit me like a lazerbeam. I could change this! I could fight Kira's influence. I could save my family and stop the chain.
<p>
"Come on, be a good girl and give up." She taunted.
<p>
"No! I'll fight you! You aren't going to hurt anyone anymore!"
<p>
Kira stepped back, and I eagerly sampled the fruits of victory. I wasn't really expecting my bluff to work. But just as I was celabrating, Kira looked back at me in a confused expression.
<p>
"What! This is not supposed to be happening. You're supposed to be cowering in fear! Why aren't you giving up!" She seemed to be talking more to herself than me.
<p>
"Is it possible that I'm wrong? I can affort no mistakes!" She paced back and forth.
<p>
"I must study this. Yes! I will study and from this create a comprehensive study of the psych, this is indeed an unparalleled delight."
<p>
Kira's behavior puzzled me. One moment she was on top of the world, the next she seemed so... lost. To top it all off, I was starting to loose the rush that convinced me to make that wild statement. I could think clearly. Kira wanted to stay in our family for a while longer so she could study me. Well, then let her stay. The longer she stayed here, the greater a chance of her slipping up and being discovered. I would be a sacrifice so that my family would be safe. It was a just and fitting punushment for inviting her in.
<p>
Kira got out a notebook and started scribbling on it. "Let the observation begin!" She announced. She stared at me with the utmost attention. I felt like I was being pierced and disected. She opened her mouth to ask questions but just then the doorbell rang.
<p>"I'm hooomme!" It was Earthstar, back from her trip. "I have lots of goodies for anyone who helps me with the bags!"
<p>
Kira looked distinctly miffed. "Another time then." She put on her most happy voice and yelled, "Coming Earthstar!" As she ran to the door she stepped back a moment. "Don't think you're safe just because Earthstar is here." she threatened. "I still have my eye on you. Everywhere you go, I'll be watching. I will personally stalk you to the ends of the world." She ran out the door.
<p>
Needless to say, I did not sleep easily that night.


Why do I post? Because it sends the thread to the top of the page. I LIKE THAT POWER!


Last edited by Earthstar on Fri Jun 30, 2006 2:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2006 10:47 am 
PPT Trainee
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Posts: 699
Joined: Sun Jun 11, 2006 8:44 pm
Location: Stuck in my world (Hokkaido, Japan)
It's not the end, is it? o_O
I think I like it :lol:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2006 2:22 am 
PPT Baby
PPT Baby

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Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2005 4:14 pm
Location: Good ol' USA
I plan on writing more stories in this series. What I wanted to do is to write a story where the "bad guy" wins some of the time. I just hope that I get in the Neopian Times. *crosses fingers*


Why do I post? Because it sends the thread to the top of the page. I LIKE THAT POWER!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2006 8:53 am 
PPT Trainee
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Posts: 699
Joined: Sun Jun 11, 2006 8:44 pm
Location: Stuck in my world (Hokkaido, Japan)
Good Luck!!! <3


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 5:47 pm 
Beyond Godly
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Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 3:43 am
Location: Set by me.
It's taken me a while to comment due to illness, but I'm really fond of this story. I read it a few days ago and it's still stuck in my head, if that makes any sense at all. I love the writing style and the humour you've snuck in there. Very well-placed. Great job, I hope to se emroe of the series and wish you luck on getting in.


Mas mothaionn tu fein mar rud eigin caite ar an dtra...
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Lig dom goideail an croi duit...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 3:19 am 
PPT Baby
PPT Baby

Posts: 72
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2005 4:14 pm
Location: Good ol' USA
Since I see a lot of other people using one thread for all their work, I decided to post this poem here.

Quote:
Hidden beneath this calm facade,
Lies a soul, you've all been played.
So long have I tried to hide,
The burning deep, deep inside.

Desires, anger, rage, and hate,
I can't help but bemoan my fate.
To the world I'm cold and calm,
Playing into hurts and wrongs.

Yet I wish I could tear this mask,
But to do this is no easy task.
If I release this throbbing pain,
A ghastly stain shall still remain.

How many others like me
Want to be free?

Every time I look outside,
I see souls trying to hide.
Or am I the only one
That sits apart from shells of bone?

If only I could know for certain
What lies beyond this hallowed curtain.
But knowing I am doomed to die
All I do is sit and cry.


Why do I post? Because it sends the thread to the top of the page. I LIKE THAT POWER!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 11:54 pm 
Beyond Godly
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Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 3:43 am
Location: Set by me.
Nice poem! I really like the idea behind it

Some critiques:
-your rhyme pattern is off in places (facade, played; one, bone)
-while I like the idea, you seem to break from the actual meaning sometimes just to make your rhymes work
-Nice rhythm, for the most part, but watch your syllables; it's off in places (So long have I tried to hide,
The burning deep, deep inside).

But still a lovely poem! Keep writing, I'd love to see more!


Mas mothaionn tu fein mar rud eigin caite ar an dtra...
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Lig dom goideail an croi duit...


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