Can you understand it?

[Wolven Spirits]

I wrote a poem... And I made it rather abstract... I wanted it to be that way, that's the way I imagined it at that time, and that's the way it came out. I was wondering if anyone could figure out what it really means, or if I made it so odd, that no one could even guess. It's not the greatest poem, I guess, and some lines don't match the way one thinks they would, and there are maybe some lines I wouldn't mind changing, but I can't think of any ways to change them.

Anyway, if you wouldn't mind posting what you thought it meant, or simply your opinion of it, I would greatly appreciate it.

Here's the poem:


Sweet warmth,
Raining down,
Upon wrinkled skin,
That frail body.

Salt mixes in,
Wrinkled hands reach up,
To embrace,
The perpetual shield.

Only the sweet roaring,
Of liquid unearthed,
Fills the ear,
So fearfully closed.

Mouth open,
Set in a silent scream,
Wet hair sticking,
Never to to be free.

[JellyFish72]

I love it! I understand it, but that's only because I'm a poetry buff...

Will you tell me what you think of mine? It's a couple of threads down...

[.:Requiem:.]

I have an idea of it's meaning, but I'm probably wrong. Excellent poetry...I love it.

[Wolven Spirits]

I'm glad that you like it^_^ You really think it's good poetry? *scratches head* heh, thankies^__^ *hugz*

[Tharkun]

Is it about an old woman drowning at the beach?

[moogie]

very nice, i love writing abstract poetry, my favorite

i felt a sense of drowning as well

[Wolven Spirits]

Is it about an old woman drowning at the beach?

Not drowning, and not an old woman no. But I wrote this poem to purposefully seem kinda like that, with the wrinkled hands, and frail body, heh.

But not the 'wet hair sticking' can't be drowning ^_~ when you drown, your hair is all over the place (normally)

Like I said before, I intended it to be confusing, so no worries, and don't feel stupid if you think it's one thing, but it isn't actually^__^

Glad you guys like it though

[Bangel]

Lovely work. Beautiful descriptions.

[Marshmallow Sky]

That is probably the best amateur free-verse I have ever read. However, when it comes to free verse, I find one thing a must. NEVER USE THE SAME ADJECTIVE TWICE! Unless you are trying to use that as a recurring idea. Examplia Gratia, in this piece, you used Sweet and Wrinkled twice. Just looking at a Microsoft Word, you can find a plethora of replacements in either place. One I liked for sweet, because it gave it has a very quiet tone is gentle. And for wrinkled, I really liked the word furrowed. However, as it does not fit the mood that well, I think that the word withered would do better. Oh well, all this to say that you have written a magnificent poem that is just a tad off of what "I" like. Other people are different

[Wolven Spirits]

Glad you like it^_^

As for your C&C, thank you, I think that it's very good advice^_^ I really shouldn't repeat now, hmm? But I dunno, gentle isn't really the word I'm looking for o.O; I'd have to go look up some synonyms^_^ but thanks for the advice! XD

[Spawnshank]

Is it about an old woman drowning at the beach?

Not drowning, and not an old woman no. But I wrote this poem to purposefully seem kinda like that, with the wrinkled hands, and frail body, heh.

But not the 'wet hair sticking' can't be drowning ^_~ when you drown, your hair is all over the place (normally)

Not if you're a turkey! I've actually seen a turkey almost drown itself by staring at a rain cloud with it's mouth open! It was weird!