Grid- A short story (warning: somewhat disturbing)
Mon Feb 21, 2005 12:22 am
Heh, wrote this in math class. a somewhat spooky little number, if i do say so myself. well, without further ado...
Grid
By Elaine Emmanuel
“You have mail!” the familiar digital voice chimed. Morgan looked at his computer from where he sat at the desk. He pushed the rolling chair over to the table. He reached for the laptop’s mouse, but hesitated. Only for a moment though. He clicked the mail icon. His mail file popped onto the screen. He guided the mouse and opened the mail.
“Hello, Morgan.
You’re reading this, aren’t you? If you are reading this, you broke your promise. Remember the promise?
Let’s take a look at what happens to people who break their promises, shall we? August Robinson promised to stop call people names. She called someone “Geek-face.” Her body was found in the river…at least parts of it.
Ira Caron promised to stop smoking. His smoldering ashes where found in a barrel a mile from his house.”
The list went in, each one more shocking then the next. Still, Morgan stared at the screen, unable to look away. Alice Freem, Lowell Jacobs, then,
“Now, you forgot your promise. You promised to stop using your computer. You broke that promise.
Morgan Richard Slanker promised to stop using his computer. They found him-“
* * *
The officer watched as they zipped up the body bag. “What happened?” He asked the coroner.
“Stabbed five times, and burned once on the back of his neck. Looked like a taser.”
The officer nodded. He looked at the laptop. The screen went black, then flickered back to life. “Hello, Officer Raul. You promised to stop cheating on your wife. You broke that promise…”
Fin…
Well, there it is. any comments are welcomed and encouraged, as i'm looking for ways to improve my work.
Grid
By Elaine Emmanuel
“You have mail!” the familiar digital voice chimed. Morgan looked at his computer from where he sat at the desk. He pushed the rolling chair over to the table. He reached for the laptop’s mouse, but hesitated. Only for a moment though. He clicked the mail icon. His mail file popped onto the screen. He guided the mouse and opened the mail.
“Hello, Morgan.
You’re reading this, aren’t you? If you are reading this, you broke your promise. Remember the promise?
Let’s take a look at what happens to people who break their promises, shall we? August Robinson promised to stop call people names. She called someone “Geek-face.” Her body was found in the river…at least parts of it.
Ira Caron promised to stop smoking. His smoldering ashes where found in a barrel a mile from his house.”
The list went in, each one more shocking then the next. Still, Morgan stared at the screen, unable to look away. Alice Freem, Lowell Jacobs, then,
“Now, you forgot your promise. You promised to stop using your computer. You broke that promise.
Morgan Richard Slanker promised to stop using his computer. They found him-“
* * *
The officer watched as they zipped up the body bag. “What happened?” He asked the coroner.
“Stabbed five times, and burned once on the back of his neck. Looked like a taser.”
The officer nodded. He looked at the laptop. The screen went black, then flickered back to life. “Hello, Officer Raul. You promised to stop cheating on your wife. You broke that promise…”
Fin…
Well, there it is. any comments are welcomed and encouraged, as i'm looking for ways to improve my work.
Mon Feb 21, 2005 9:08 am
Interesting story... a bit disturbing, but not quite as much as I thought it'd be. Even so, good work. Spook it up a bit and it'll be a great story to tell a camper with a laptop 
Even scarier if you send them an email two minutes afterwards.
Even scarier if you send them an email two minutes afterwards.
Mon Feb 21, 2005 3:07 pm
teh0mega wrote:Interesting story... a bit disturbing, but not quite as much as I thought it'd be. Even so, good work. Spook it up a bit and it'll be a great story to tell a camper with a laptop
Hehe...I have to remember that one! *prints it off*
Tue Feb 22, 2005 6:15 pm
HAH! Awesome. It's like a Twilight Zone thingy!
Tue Feb 22, 2005 8:40 pm
hm. it sorta is like the twilight zone. i'm very proud of it. i wrote in in math class when i was suppose to be paying attention 
Wed Feb 23, 2005 6:35 am
Isn't math class always the best time to be doing other stuff? I eat cookies, talk with my friends, and best of all, the teacher never notices I'm not paying attention. 
Anyway, the story's really good, but rather disturbing too
Anyway, the story's really good, but rather disturbing too
Wed Feb 23, 2005 8:23 pm
Wow...VERY creepy, well done!
Last time I open e-mail for a while...-shiver-
Last time I open e-mail for a while...-shiver-
Wed Feb 23, 2005 10:53 pm
Amethyst wrote:Wow...VERY creepy, well done!
Last time I open e-mail for a while...-shiver-
Well, isn't that the point? man, this story was great to write. all my friends were mad at me when i emailed it to them.
Thu Feb 24, 2005 3:26 am
LOL... that was so funny, how the pattern started over. We obviously have a murderous telepath on our hands or something. 
Fri Feb 25, 2005 3:43 am
That's spooky.... Stuff like that hardly ever creeps me out, but... holy. it really IS a spooky little number. Though still good!
Fri Feb 25, 2005 4:28 am
This'll be a good way to let kids know the dangers of giving out an email address.
Fri Feb 25, 2005 4:36 pm
That's really good! Very creepy and twilight zone-ish...
Sat Feb 26, 2005 7:34 am
Oh I love this!! It's awesome! I wonder what happened to the officer... even though it's a short story but enough to create a great deal of suspense. I am thrilled 
Sun Feb 27, 2005 1:06 am
Awesome! At first, it sounded like a chain letter.
At first, it sounded like a chain letter.
Sun Feb 27, 2005 2:06 pm
Tyrannitar wrote:Awesome!
Well, it's soppused to. the point of this story was to get my friends (aster and goddess_hekate) to stop sending me chain letters. Didn't work....