A Strong Ending?
Mon Apr 11, 2005 4:21 pm
Well, I'm going to write these two books. I know exactly what's going to happen in each. They're about a pirate, Jack Hawkley, and someone he loves (but she is a lady), Anna Harrison.
This is the ending to the sequel, the second book. At the end of the first, Jack his marooned on an island by Harry (his nemesis), and basically, yeah, I wondered whether the ending is good or not.
“We can never be together, for when we die I will be in Hell, and you, in Heaven. And there is no other place an angel on Earth can go.”
“In my heart I know that you are right.”
“Then leave this place – leave me to my fate. I would not wish you to grieve for me. Live your life. Be as happy as you can. But never forget.”
“I love you.”
“I’ll love you forever, and for always, Anna. Now go.”
That was the last time Anna ever saw Jack Hawkley alive. She heard of him, and saw him swinging from the gallows once or twice, but she averted her eyes. He remained there for many years. Harry wanted to show just how much his hate for Jack had grown ever since he got off the island.
Some say the ghost of Jack Hawkley haunts the town, stealing things now and then. But most of the sightings have been in the house, long ago, where Anna Harrison once lived her life.
This is the ending to the sequel, the second book. At the end of the first, Jack his marooned on an island by Harry (his nemesis), and basically, yeah, I wondered whether the ending is good or not.
“We can never be together, for when we die I will be in Hell, and you, in Heaven. And there is no other place an angel on Earth can go.”
“In my heart I know that you are right.”
“Then leave this place – leave me to my fate. I would not wish you to grieve for me. Live your life. Be as happy as you can. But never forget.”
“I love you.”
“I’ll love you forever, and for always, Anna. Now go.”
That was the last time Anna ever saw Jack Hawkley alive. She heard of him, and saw him swinging from the gallows once or twice, but she averted her eyes. He remained there for many years. Harry wanted to show just how much his hate for Jack had grown ever since he got off the island.
Some say the ghost of Jack Hawkley haunts the town, stealing things now and then. But most of the sightings have been in the house, long ago, where Anna Harrison once lived her life.
Tue Apr 12, 2005 1:13 am
A little more detail, and also, it seems a little sappy. I'm not in to the "I'll love you forever and always stuff" stuff. Its kinda an over used thing.
A little more about Anna's life after this. Where did she go after words? Did she fall in love again? Get married? Get a job?
What about this Harry person? Or the other main characters? Where did they end up?
A little more about Anna's life after this. Where did she go after words? Did she fall in love again? Get married? Get a job?
What about this Harry person? Or the other main characters? Where did they end up?
Tue Apr 12, 2005 7:44 pm
Well, yep, but the last moment has to be sappy, because Jack's been denying loving Anna ever since they met again. =P So it's a pretty sappy important part.
Explained before this bit, because Jack's marooned for seven years, she marries Harry, Jack's enemeh. Which is basically why Jack goes all sappy in that scene.
Which is set in a prison cell, by the way.
Thanks for the comments, though.
Explained before this bit, because Jack's marooned for seven years, she marries Harry, Jack's enemeh. Which is basically why Jack goes all sappy in that scene.
Which is set in a prison cell, by the way.
Thanks for the comments, though.
Tue Apr 12, 2005 10:08 pm
Anubis wrote:Well, yep, but the last moment has to be sappy, because Jack's been denying loving Anna ever since they met again. =P So it's a pretty sappy important part.
Explained before this bit, because Jack's marooned for seven years, she marries Harry, Jack's enemeh. Which is basically why Jack goes all sappy in that scene.
Jack can be sappy, but I think your good writting is above some over-used stuff. Your really clever, I think you could think of a good line on your own.
Is she in love with this Harry person? Just wondering.
Wed Apr 13, 2005 2:12 am
It was good (sappy, but good) up until the dialogue ended. Then, IMO, it flopped like a dead fish.
Wed Apr 13, 2005 3:43 pm
Alisquid wrote:Is she in love with this Harry person? Just wondering.
No, she didn't know Harry marooned Jack, so when he disappeared she thought he'd escaped and left her. She needed emotional support, is the best way to describe it.
.:Requiem:. wrote:It was good (sappy, but good) up until the dialogue ended. Then, IMO, it flopped like a dead fish.
XD Sorry, that made me laugh. Could you suggest a way to improve it?
Fri Apr 15, 2005 8:25 pm
I personally think it would be best if the book ended with the dialogue there.
Fri Apr 15, 2005 9:59 pm
It's pretty nice, the only problem I see is that it ends rather bluntly. The mind is just expecting it to move on... but it doesn't.