The blindness - poem
Thu Aug 11, 2005 12:41 pm
Thankyou compact disk for thinking of the name for me.
This isn't really a poem though, more like a creative peice of writing.
live in a world
were no-one can see,
the real me
beneath this shell
I put up for protection
no-one can get in
and I can't get out.
I live in a world,
were everyone only cares for what they see
but not wanting to know the real me
but I don't care
I don't know how
and I am just glad to be,
the person I know to be me.
This isn't really a poem though, more like a creative peice of writing.
live in a world
were no-one can see,
the real me
beneath this shell
I put up for protection
no-one can get in
and I can't get out.
I live in a world,
were everyone only cares for what they see
but not wanting to know the real me
but I don't care
I don't know how
and I am just glad to be,
the person I know to be me.
Thu Aug 11, 2005 1:05 pm
That's really good, heartfelt.*sniffle*
Sat Aug 13, 2005 6:14 pm
Your poem has a nice idea, and overall it was quite good, but I think there are some parts you can improve on...
It is a bit confusing. Originally, I thought you were going to take the lines in the first stanza and add words to them to make them mean something else, but then the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh lines didn't fit. I don't quite understand why you started with 'live in a world', but in the second stanza you wrote, 'I live in a world'. Also, some parts don't seem to flow very well...
I don't really know how to judge poems though XD.
Like I said before however, your poem is still well written =).
It is a bit confusing. Originally, I thought you were going to take the lines in the first stanza and add words to them to make them mean something else, but then the fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh lines didn't fit. I don't quite understand why you started with 'live in a world', but in the second stanza you wrote, 'I live in a world'. Also, some parts don't seem to flow very well...
I don't really know how to judge poems though XD.
Like I said before however, your poem is still well written =).
Sat Aug 27, 2005 8:44 pm
Good job. your poem is nice but i agree with Divine, you can improve your poem to the point of awesomeness. 
Keep it up.
Keep it up.
Fri Sep 30, 2005 4:20 pm
Thanks. I was origionly writing an article on self esteem (practise for when i am the worlds best journalist 
) and it turned into that. 
) and it turned into that.