Isaiko - now finished! Concrit welcome! Please? *puppy eyes*

[Yukarana]

I'd like to run this past you before I continue with it, since I'm not sure if it's a good enough idea to get published. The basic idea is a story written using subtle rhymes. Warning: It's unedited and probably stinks, but I'd still like to hear what you think. Be as harsh as you need to be!

EDIT: Now finished. No one? Maybe I should scrap it.

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/37007793/

Notes: The rhyming part only starts when you reach the first page of the book.