Pink Poogle Toy Forum

The official community of Pink Poogle Toy
Main Site
NeoDex
It is currently Fri Nov 22, 2024 1:28 pm

All times are UTC




Post new topic This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 2 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: A poem I wrote.
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 11:28 pm 
PPT Baby
PPT Baby
User avatar

Posts: 98
Joined: Sun Aug 15, 2004 8:55 am
Location: Here
Ok, it's pretty bad, but I wrote it for school, for English class, English is not my first languge so the poem probobly even sucks some more, but I'm supposed to get opnions from other people but I'm too ashamed to show it to family members or friends =X
Anyway, Here: [The name is "I Quit"]
I Quit, no matter what I do I can not succeed, so what do I do? I Quit.
But then, I must start again, because as much as I want to go under the covers forever, I can't, I can't.
And when I start again, I am destined to fail, and then quit.
They always make me do it, but the only thing that consoles me is that I know that one day, they will quit is well.
Because one cannot stay at the top forever, one will replace him.
So what will I do? I guess I will just wait, untill the final quit will come, or for a mircle, that will save me out of this horrer.
I Quit.


Image
hopefully he will stay a shoyru


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 3:36 am 
Newbie
Newbie

Posts: 32
Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2005 3:14 pm
Location: in a galaxy far,far, away.
Your poem could use some editing. But i think the real problem is that your poem has no rhythm. No matter what type of poem it is, it is ALWAYS suppose to have rhythm. You also have all the right words but you need to place them so it makes more sense to your readers.

If i come off mean im sorry - just trying to help.


<img src="http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b51/Fonyferret/180px-Clonetroopers.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">
empire killed family
need money for X-wing


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 2 posts ] 

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 12 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group