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 Post subject: A poem I wrote.
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 11:28 pm 
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Ok, it's pretty bad, but I wrote it for school, for English class, English is not my first languge so the poem probobly even sucks some more, but I'm supposed to get opnions from other people but I'm too ashamed to show it to family members or friends =X
Anyway, Here: [The name is "I Quit"]
I Quit, no matter what I do I can not succeed, so what do I do? I Quit.
But then, I must start again, because as much as I want to go under the covers forever, I can't, I can't.
And when I start again, I am destined to fail, and then quit.
They always make me do it, but the only thing that consoles me is that I know that one day, they will quit is well.
Because one cannot stay at the top forever, one will replace him.
So what will I do? I guess I will just wait, untill the final quit will come, or for a mircle, that will save me out of this horrer.
I Quit.


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hopefully he will stay a shoyru


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 3:36 am 
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Your poem could use some editing. But i think the real problem is that your poem has no rhythm. No matter what type of poem it is, it is ALWAYS suppose to have rhythm. You also have all the right words but you need to place them so it makes more sense to your readers.

If i come off mean im sorry - just trying to help.


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empire killed family
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