This is the first series I've ever really tried to write, and I'm not sure how it'll go. It's a follow-up to my short story, To Distant Lands (published in 207
). I doubt many people read it, but... well.
Anyway, I'm looking for feedback. Did you find it interesting? Would you follow the series, based on this introduction? What can I change to improve it?
I'm also looking for beta readers, if anyone's interested. I know it's asking a lot, but... but... I'll try to make it interesting! ;D And I'll give you lots and lots of hornet cookies!
So, yeah - comments and crits welcome. I've rambled on for long enough.
Quote:
Legend Seekers - Destiny Discovered (Part I)
***
The air was thick with birdsong, and the morning sunlight poured down on the shoreline like an ocean of fire. It was exactly three hours and eighteen minutes since Pemero and Jen had sailed to Mystery Island - in a stolen boat, no less - and had made the journey in a matter of days.
Pemero stared at the golden-white sands as he paced, wondering what the next step was. In all honesty, he hadn't believed for a moment that the plan would work - just that it would provide an interesting distraction for the day. It was true, however, that the young Kougra had dreamed of exploring Mystery Island - he was born there, but had moved to Krawk Island as a tiny cub.
Back at the boat, Jen was starting to wake up. She stretched, shook her black fur clean and hopped out of the boat lightly. She was startled as her feet touched sand, rather than the familiar carpet of her room. So, it hadn't been a dream. They must have reached land!
"Pemero! Where are we now?" she called out, glancing frantically around. "This doesn't look like Krawk Island!"
A moment later, Pemero appeared from behind a clump of palm trees.
"Well, that's because it <i>isn't</i> Krawk Island," he grinned, showing pearly-white teeth. "I think you'll find we're on <i>Mystery</i> Island."
Jen sighed in response, failing to return the silver cub's grin. "Well. So we are," she said, taking in her surroundings. "What are we going to do now? We're pretty much stuck... the boat might not be stable enough to take us back. I'm not willing to try it again..."
She trailed off. Pemero stopped grinning and looked at the ground guiltily.
"I know you didn't ask to be drawn into this, Jen... and if you want to go back to Krawk Island, I'll pay for you to get a ferry back. But I'm staying right here, come rain or shine - Mystery Island must have some secrets, or it wouldn't be a Mystery, would it?"
"I think you're making a mistake, Pemero," the Wocky chided softly. "But I'll go with you. I'm here now - I might as well make the most of it... and I suppose friends work best together."
Pemero brightened up instantly. "I'm glad you still consider me a friend." Jen said nothing, but smiled in reply. "So. Let's go! We have some preparing to do," he called, bounding off in the direction of the nearest village. Jen sighed.
"You'll never learn!" she replied, but she followed anyway, running to keep up.
***
They soon found themselves in the middle of a bustling marketplace - vendors were selling goods ranging from battle dung to Darigan paint brushes. The streaming sunlight meant that the atmosphere in the crowded streets was sticky and humid, and everyone seemed to be moving in slow motion.
The two felines kept their heads down, and looked for useful stalls as they made their slow way past buyers, sellers and tourists. Pemero reached into the pocket of his rucksack and pulled out a small, brown bag of coins.
"Not much, but it will do," he said jovially. Jen's lips thinned slightly.
"I hope so, because I don't know where we'll get more," she said.
"You worry too much," laughed Pemero. "We'll find a way around it."
Soon, Jen spotted what they were looking for - an adventure stall. It was guarded by an old meerca, who waved his cane at possible buyers as they went past, yelling things like "Going adventurin'? Get provisions here! There ain't a better or cheaper place anywhere on the island!"
The two moved forward cautiously, and the old Meerca spotted them quickly.
"Lookin' to do a spot of shopping?" he said, showing off a set of yellow teeth. He waved his cane across the table at his products, which included weapons, manuals on dangerous plants, and various artifacts which (the Meerca claimed) were extremely powerful. They looked at the selection of objects, and back at their measly back of money.
Suddenly, Pemero's eyes widened as they fell on a bracelet, made entirely out of translucent purple stone. It looked ordinary, but something about it was decidedly different.
"I'll take that," said Pemero, pushing half their money at the vendor, much to his friends dismay. The old Meerca grinned again, tossed the money into a dirty glass jar, and handed the bracelet to Pemero.
"Thanks for doing business with us!" called the Meerca as they left the stall behind. Jen was practically dragging Pemero away.
"You have to be responsible! You'll never survive out in the jungle at this rate!" she said.
"Like I said, you worry too much." Pemero replied, looking entirely unfazed as he pulled the bracelet onto his left paw.
"Ooh, look! It's a Faerie!" yelled the Wocky, pointing at a girl with tangled black hair, pink wings and a grass skirt.
Pemero stayed where he was while Jen ran over to talk with Jhuidah. She'd always had a passion for faeries, much like his love of adventure, and would give almost anything to have wings. Moments later, Jen was back, baskets of fruit in hand.
"See? I told you. Faeries really are great. This will last us for days!"
Pemero packed the food into his bag, and lifted it carefully, expecting a lot of weight.
"It's really light, too," said the young Kougra in awe. "It's almost full, but no heavier than it was before."
"Well, that's magic," said Jen simply.
***
By that evening, they were almost ready to set off. They had packed everything, and spoken to the locals, who knew the Jungle and had given them sound advice.
"Well, is that everything?" Pemero asked. "I think it is..."
Jen looked thoughtful for a moment. "There's one more thing I'd like to do, before we go. Thing is, we might not come back and... and I'd like to send my owner a letter, just so she knows where I am."
Pemero nodded. "That's a good idea. I wish I'd thought this through more carefully. Still - you have to take chances in life..."
"So, are you writing one too?"
"Yeah, okay."
They pulled out the cheap pencils they'd bought at the market, and Pemero pulled two pages from his diary, handing one to Jen.
"Dear Yuka," Pemero started.
"I hope you can forgive me for leaving so suddenly, and not telling you - but I'm doing something amazing! I've made my way to Mystery Island, and I'm going to discover it's every secret. I hope the others are doing well, and that you're not too worried about me - I can take care of myself, so there's no need to stress. I'll be sure to bring something neat back for you all. Thanks for being the best family in the world.
-Pemero"
Jen was busy writing her own letter three feet away. It was hard to think of a good way to start these things, she reflected, knowing they might be the only contact with home in a very long time.
"To Emma,
I know you'll be wondering where I've gone, and what I'm doing. Well, I'm on a strange kind of adventure with Pemero. You know what he can be like when he gets a crazy idea. Anyway, I'm currently on Mystery Island, and about to make my way into the depths of the jungle. I'm sorry for not warning you - but I didn't know myself until it was too late to do anything about it.
I might not be able to write again, but don't worry about me. Tell the others I'll be okay, and I'll be sending you all presents when, and if, I get out of here alive. Again, I'm really sorry, and I hope you're not too mad. Take care of yourselves, okay?
Signed, Jen."
Together, they pocketed the pencils and folded the letters. Jen paid for first class delivery to Krawk Island - it used up their last neopoints, but it was worthwhile. Soon, they were both back at the edge of the forest, holding their magical torches at arms length.
The sun was long set, and the sky was slightly cloudy, but it wouldn't be a problem. The rainforest was huge, green and daunting, a force of nature that could destroy them in an instant if it wanted to. They both shivered.
"This is it, then," said the silver Kougra.
"I guess so." Jen replied softly.
And with that, they took their first steps over the earthy ground, milky in the light of their torches - and left their old world behind them.
(It's probably full of mistakes as usual.
If anyone spots something, I'd be grateful if you could let me know!
Thanks!)
Do not take your usual journey of missed opportunity and narrowness, for you can make yourself unwanted and already dead. Better you brace yourself, give thanks for what you have and what is to be won, and WAKE UP AND LIVE. -Taken from Resolve, by Leo