EDIT: I'm not quoting DH.
I
am Mary Alice Young.
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I was laid to rest on Monday. After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects. And as people do in these situations, they brought food. Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken.
Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken. Of course, she didn't cook much while she was climbing up the corporate ladder. She didn't have the time. But when her doctor announced Lynette was pregnant... her husband, Tom, had an idea. 'Why not quit your job? Kids do better with stay at home moms. It would be so much less stressful.'
But this was not the case. In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic, she was now forced to get her fried chicken from a fast food restaurant. Lynette would have appreciated the irony if she had stopped to think about it.
Gabrielle Solis, who lives down the block, brought a spicy paella.
Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich food and rich men. Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, proposed on their third date. Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes. But she soon discovered that this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal.
Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot. However, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler.
Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. Bree was known for her cooking, and for making her own clothes, and for doing her own gardening, and for re-upholstering her own furniture. Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood. And everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother. Everyone, that is, except her own family.
Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, brought macaroni and cheese. Her husband Karl, always teased her, saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook, and she rarely made it well. It was too salty the night she and Karl moved into their house. It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl's shirt. She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving her for his secretary.
A year had passed since the divorce. Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life, even one who would make fun of her cooking.
Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned about my husband. He had other things on his mind. Things below the surface...
The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back to their busy, busy lives. While some did their cooking, and some did their cleaning... and some did their yoga... others did their homework.
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No one mourns the Wicked
No one cries "They won't return!"
No one lays a lily on their grave
The good man scorns the Wicked!
Through their lives, our children learn
What we miss, when we misbehave:
And Goodness knows
The Wicked's lives are lonely
Goodness knows
The Wicked die alone
It just shows when you're Wicked
You're left only
On your own
Yes, Goodness knows
The Wicked's lives are lonely
Goodness knows
The Wicked cry alone
Nothing grows for the Wicked
They reap only
What they've sown