She died in my hand
Fri Feb 25, 2005 4:52 pm
As some of you may know, i've owned budgies (parakeets), for years. I love them dearly, I love watching their antics, I enjoy studying their social structure, but today has been a loss for me like no other involving my beauties.
I have had four, for the past eight months. The last one being bought in August, she is a yellow called Harle. The oldest, is a white one with a few black/blue spots called Deski, and the other two were a pair, bought on the same day, five years ago. Mara, who was a blue female, and Moss a green male.
Three days ago, Mara, broke her foot. This put her ate odds with Harle, for dominance, and so I was forced to remove Mara and Moss from their cage, and move them into a seperate cage until Mara recovered. Alas, this will never be.
This morning when I awoke, Moss was dead. He wasn't stuck on anything, he was just lying on the bottom of the cage, he was still warm, and moveable when I picked him up. I was crushed. There was no signs of sickness, nothing that had changed other then the venue. I can think of no reason why my little boy had died. What was worse, perhaps, was Mara. She was sitting with him, nuzzling him. They have not been apart in five years. Cooing to him, calling to him, and he was most definately dead. I hate seeing anything so distressed, and I had to remove him, and so I did.
As I got off the phone with my mother, already crying, to see if I had done something wrong, I looked back at Mara. She was sitting there, staring out of the cage, wings spread out, looking heart broken. I didn't want her to be alone, despite Harles advances, I would ratehr her not be alone, then leave her all by herself.
I picked her up. And she looked up at me. She didn't try to bite me like normal, she just sat in my head and cooed, and then she dropped her head, and she died.
She died in my hand.
And I don't know what to do.
I phoned my mom again, and talked to her. And she kept asking was I sure she was dead, she couldn't be dead, "You just said she was alive Sandra". She's not. She just up and died.
I've never had that happen before. I've never lost two of my precious babies at once. And mom just said "she died of a broken heart". And she's probably right. It happens, though I don't know if it normally happens that quick. But it was crushing.
So now I sit. Here.
Trying to think of what I did that made them die. Trying to pin some cause of death. And I can't. I can't think of anything i've done wrong. I can't think of anything in their cage that caused it. Seperation from the other two certainly shouldn't. Theres been no outside birds, so no airborne disease. And they were only 6 years old.
And somehow I failed them, if this is how they died.
I love them.
Goodbye my beautiful birds. May you find peace together.
I have had four, for the past eight months. The last one being bought in August, she is a yellow called Harle. The oldest, is a white one with a few black/blue spots called Deski, and the other two were a pair, bought on the same day, five years ago. Mara, who was a blue female, and Moss a green male.
Three days ago, Mara, broke her foot. This put her ate odds with Harle, for dominance, and so I was forced to remove Mara and Moss from their cage, and move them into a seperate cage until Mara recovered. Alas, this will never be.
This morning when I awoke, Moss was dead. He wasn't stuck on anything, he was just lying on the bottom of the cage, he was still warm, and moveable when I picked him up. I was crushed. There was no signs of sickness, nothing that had changed other then the venue. I can think of no reason why my little boy had died. What was worse, perhaps, was Mara. She was sitting with him, nuzzling him. They have not been apart in five years. Cooing to him, calling to him, and he was most definately dead. I hate seeing anything so distressed, and I had to remove him, and so I did.
As I got off the phone with my mother, already crying, to see if I had done something wrong, I looked back at Mara. She was sitting there, staring out of the cage, wings spread out, looking heart broken. I didn't want her to be alone, despite Harles advances, I would ratehr her not be alone, then leave her all by herself.
I picked her up. And she looked up at me. She didn't try to bite me like normal, she just sat in my head and cooed, and then she dropped her head, and she died.
She died in my hand.
And I don't know what to do.
I phoned my mom again, and talked to her. And she kept asking was I sure she was dead, she couldn't be dead, "You just said she was alive Sandra". She's not. She just up and died.
I've never had that happen before. I've never lost two of my precious babies at once. And mom just said "she died of a broken heart". And she's probably right. It happens, though I don't know if it normally happens that quick. But it was crushing.
So now I sit. Here.
Trying to think of what I did that made them die. Trying to pin some cause of death. And I can't. I can't think of anything i've done wrong. I can't think of anything in their cage that caused it. Seperation from the other two certainly shouldn't. Theres been no outside birds, so no airborne disease. And they were only 6 years old.
And somehow I failed them, if this is how they died.
I love them.
Goodbye my beautiful birds. May you find peace together.
Fri Feb 25, 2005 5:10 pm
There could be any one of a thousand reasons they died...and chances are it had nothing to do with you, or anything you could have done. Don't beat yourself up over something that isn't your fault.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Fri Feb 25, 2005 5:12 pm
Oh my, Inrun, it must be awful to loose them like that *hugs*
At least you've still got the other two, right?
At least you've still got the other two, right?
Fri Feb 25, 2005 5:25 pm
Animals die. That's what they do. And people do, it just takes longer.
Sandra, they didn't die because of something you did wrong.
Sandra, they didn't die because of something you did wrong.
Fri Feb 25, 2005 5:25 pm
Aww, thats horrible. 
I had a parakeet for seven years, he was my first real pet. He had a stroke and it was horrible to see him like that. He lived through the stroke but you can only imagine what happened. I had to make a choice and I had him put to sleep rather than watch him suffer. One day he was fine and healthy and the next... That probably doesn't help much, but I do realize how much of a shock it can be.
I had a parakeet for seven years, he was my first real pet. He had a stroke and it was horrible to see him like that. He lived through the stroke but you can only imagine what happened. I had to make a choice and I had him put to sleep rather than watch him suffer. One day he was fine and healthy and the next... That probably doesn't help much, but I do realize how much of a shock it can be.
Fri Feb 25, 2005 5:30 pm
Wow thats really sad... He really must have died of a broken heart.
I once had to watch my parakeet die... I can't really remember why she died, except that she couldn't stand up, and was breathing heavily... Even though I didn't have the bird for a long time, I cried that night.
I'm sorry about your loss, may they rest in peace.
I once had to watch my parakeet die... I can't really remember why she died, except that she couldn't stand up, and was breathing heavily... Even though I didn't have the bird for a long time, I cried that night.
I'm sorry about your loss, may they rest in peace.
Fri Feb 25, 2005 5:46 pm
I'm not, overly blaming myself? *sighs* and i'm not great with words right now, so bear with me.
It's just... it's so strange to lose two at once. And the way Mara died... I can just picture her in my hand, looking up at me, cooing for a moment before she shivered and put her head down and just died.
I've never had that happen.
Never.
I've never actually had one of my pets die in my hands before. When we had to put Sargent to sleep, I wasn't there. I couldn't be there with him.
When my old dog died, he died alone, the way he wanted too.
My other budgies? I've had a few, and i've had a few females die of egg binding (it's why I don't enjoy owning female budgies), one to cancer. Another two to old age, and another on top of that just, went dead. But i've never seen it happen before.
And I think thats what makes me wonder if it's something i'd done. But I can't think of anything. And that makes it worse. Not knowing.
I don't know how willing I am to accept that she just died of a broken heart. But thats the only explanation i've got.
It's just... it's so strange to lose two at once. And the way Mara died... I can just picture her in my hand, looking up at me, cooing for a moment before she shivered and put her head down and just died.
I've never had that happen.
Never.
I've never actually had one of my pets die in my hands before. When we had to put Sargent to sleep, I wasn't there. I couldn't be there with him.
When my old dog died, he died alone, the way he wanted too.
My other budgies? I've had a few, and i've had a few females die of egg binding (it's why I don't enjoy owning female budgies), one to cancer. Another two to old age, and another on top of that just, went dead. But i've never seen it happen before.
And I think thats what makes me wonder if it's something i'd done. But I can't think of anything. And that makes it worse. Not knowing.
I don't know how willing I am to accept that she just died of a broken heart. But thats the only explanation i've got.
Fri Feb 25, 2005 5:51 pm
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about your poor birds. *huggles* It's so hard to lose a pet, but hopefully now Moss and Mara are fluttering around together in a good place. I know some religions say animals don't have souls so they can't go to heaven, but I'm almost certain that they do go to a good place where everything is lovely for them.
Fri Feb 25, 2005 6:11 pm
I once had 2 russian dwarf hamsters.
One of them broke his leg and died the day after. We weren't sure how it happened, and it might have been my fault :/ The other one died...oh, a couple of days later, after being in perfect health. It happens sweetheart.
One of them broke his leg and died the day after. We weren't sure how it happened, and it might have been my fault :/ The other one died...oh, a couple of days later, after being in perfect health. It happens sweetheart.
Fri Feb 25, 2005 6:15 pm
Yeah. I kinda found that out today Igg.
Doesn't make it any easeier, that it does happen.
If it had just been one budgie, I probably would have been ok. Strange as that may sound. I could have dealt with one.
But losing two, within 5 minutes of each other, is just distressing.
At least my little devil birds are together. Like they should be.
Doesn't make it any easeier, that it does happen.
If it had just been one budgie, I probably would have been ok. Strange as that may sound. I could have dealt with one.
But losing two, within 5 minutes of each other, is just distressing.
At least my little devil birds are together. Like they should be.
Fri Feb 25, 2005 6:31 pm
Inrun, that made me so sad. I know you did nothing wrong to your birds. You love animals and wish the best for your pets. If anything, you made thier lives so much happier for them, and they miss you right now as much as you miss them. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope things will perk up for you. To remember the good times will keep them in your heart.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope things will perk up for you. To remember the good times will keep them in your heart.
Fri Feb 25, 2005 6:40 pm
I understand how you feel. It is really hard to lose a pet in the first place, then it's even harder to be there and feel like you could have done something.
I've had a lot of pets and lost a lot of pets in my life. I think the hardest one was this year though. My school had an event last fall where I got two fish complete with fish tanks for free. One was a guppy I named Squirrel and the other was a goldfish named Goldie. In the course of a few hours, I really developed a bond with these fish. They were the first pets that were truely mine, I wouldn't have to share it with the rest of my family now that I'm "on my own" in the dorms. They were all I could talk about for the next few days because I was just so excited to have pets of my own. About 4 days after getting these fish, I was watching them and enjoying their company when Squirrel "looked hungry". Now I know this is a fallacy, but I fed them anyway. As I'm watching them eat, I saw Goldie take a big bite and he must have swallowed an air bubble. It thew off his equilibrium in the water and he started floating. It was also apparent that he was panicing. So I start freaking out and have no idea what to do other than to sit and watch him. I watched him for the next 15 minutes until he burped up the air bubble. He seemed fine but I watched him carefully for the rest of the night. The next day, I came back from class and he was floating.
Anyway, I know that story doesn't make me sound very rational, but even a goldfish can feel like family when they're all you have. I still have Squirrel, I even got him another friend a little while back: a betta named Alpha.
So yeah, losing a pet is hard. *hugs*
I've had a lot of pets and lost a lot of pets in my life. I think the hardest one was this year though. My school had an event last fall where I got two fish complete with fish tanks for free. One was a guppy I named Squirrel and the other was a goldfish named Goldie. In the course of a few hours, I really developed a bond with these fish. They were the first pets that were truely mine, I wouldn't have to share it with the rest of my family now that I'm "on my own" in the dorms. They were all I could talk about for the next few days because I was just so excited to have pets of my own. About 4 days after getting these fish, I was watching them and enjoying their company when Squirrel "looked hungry". Now I know this is a fallacy, but I fed them anyway. As I'm watching them eat, I saw Goldie take a big bite and he must have swallowed an air bubble. It thew off his equilibrium in the water and he started floating. It was also apparent that he was panicing. So I start freaking out and have no idea what to do other than to sit and watch him. I watched him for the next 15 minutes until he burped up the air bubble. He seemed fine but I watched him carefully for the rest of the night. The next day, I came back from class and he was floating.
Anyway, I know that story doesn't make me sound very rational, but even a goldfish can feel like family when they're all you have. I still have Squirrel, I even got him another friend a little while back: a betta named Alpha.
So yeah, losing a pet is hard. *hugs*
Fri Feb 25, 2005 8:20 pm
Awww.. I'm so sorry your poor little birdies died
But you shouldn't blame yourself at all. There was nothing you could have done to have prevented it from happening.
Just know that they're happy now and they're together again.
I know how it feels to have a pet die in your hands... it's not easy and remembering it still makes me upset, but we gotta move on and give all our love to the pets that we still have with us.
**HUGS**
But you shouldn't blame yourself at all. There was nothing you could have done to have prevented it from happening.
Just know that they're happy now and they're together again.
I know how it feels to have a pet die in your hands... it's not easy and remembering it still makes me upset, but we gotta move on and give all our love to the pets that we still have with us.
**HUGS**
Fri Feb 25, 2005 8:24 pm
I am so sorry Inrun. As you said before, I do believe dying of a broken heart exists -- I actually think it was proven. I can't imagine what ran through your mind when she looked up at you and suddenly died. I would've been very shocked.
I hope you can take this as a learning experience and not as a sad moment in your life. Perhaps this happened for a reason. Who knows? I would not look at this as a sad moment, simply as a gain in knowledge.
Once again, I'm sorry.
I hope you can take this as a learning experience and not as a sad moment in your life. Perhaps this happened for a reason. Who knows? I would not look at this as a sad moment, simply as a gain in knowledge.
Once again, I'm sorry.
Fri Feb 25, 2005 8:46 pm
Of course you're distressed, but it's no use increasing that by thinking it's your fault when it's not.