Please don't say I'm depressed again
Sun Apr 17, 2005 10:48 pm
I want to believe the title but I know the feeling too well. I'm sinking into another big depression again. I've been merry for about two months now and I thought this was it, that I wouldn't feel depressed again, because life just felt so good. Even bad things I just shook off. But now I'm beginning to feel weak, sad and wanting to curl up into a ball on my own. I tried to act happy for my mom but I was just miserable. I actually found talking a chore. I felt kinda...drunk. It's hard to explain. As I'm typing this I'm fighting back the tears. And you know what, I don't know why I'm sad. I get all these things in my head, all these emotions, and they're bad ones that I don't know how to get rid of. Even when I'm watching my favourite programmes something just doesn't seem right. Death always creeps into my thoughts. I kept thinking that my mom was going to die or something, or my boyfriend or my brother, and I keep thinking about people who die young. I can't help it.
And I keep getting angry. I don't mean to but everything just agitates me. Like now for instance. Something is going on outside my room. My brother and mom are doing something, tidying his room I think, and I keep hearing these noises. They aggravate me so much and I just want to jump out of the seat and yell at them to shut up. And it's not right.
I'm already seeing a psychiatric nurse but I told her that everything was fine and dandy. and it was until now. It's always the same. I get these depressions and then they're gone. they always come back though. And then when I'm feeling on top of the world I think to myself "this is it, I'm going to be happy forever." and then the depression hits, just like that.
And I get so paranoid, like I do when I'm having one of my panic attacks. I hear the slightest sound and I jump around thinking someone's there behind me looking at me and prying into my private life. I keep hearing the noises again, and I've got my headphones on so they're muffled, but I keep thinking that my door is going to open and my mom and brother will walk in. Sometimes I just want to be left alone and now is one of those moments.
Why can't I just be normal and chill out?
And I keep getting angry. I don't mean to but everything just agitates me. Like now for instance. Something is going on outside my room. My brother and mom are doing something, tidying his room I think, and I keep hearing these noises. They aggravate me so much and I just want to jump out of the seat and yell at them to shut up. And it's not right.
I'm already seeing a psychiatric nurse but I told her that everything was fine and dandy. and it was until now. It's always the same. I get these depressions and then they're gone. they always come back though. And then when I'm feeling on top of the world I think to myself "this is it, I'm going to be happy forever." and then the depression hits, just like that.
And I get so paranoid, like I do when I'm having one of my panic attacks. I hear the slightest sound and I jump around thinking someone's there behind me looking at me and prying into my private life. I keep hearing the noises again, and I've got my headphones on so they're muffled, but I keep thinking that my door is going to open and my mom and brother will walk in. Sometimes I just want to be left alone and now is one of those moments.
Why can't I just be normal and chill out?
Sun Apr 17, 2005 10:52 pm
Perhaps you are bipolar?
Sun Apr 17, 2005 11:20 pm
robot wrote:Perhaps you are bipolar?
A few people have said that but I'm pretty sure there are lots of other things that go with that. I'm just very depressed and I just...feel like crap. Like my whole life no longer has any future.
Sun Apr 17, 2005 11:28 pm
Psychiatric nurse? Is that the UK equivilant of a therapist? I just don't see that term used much here...
Are you seeing her regularly? For how long?
I've heard you mention her before, and also that she doesn't know what's wrong with you. That doesn't sound good to me.
Perhaps you should be seeing someone with more experience, like a psychiatrist. Someone with an actual doctorate in the field of mental health.
Also, whoever you're seeing, you need to tell them everything. You can't expect to be properly diagnosed if you're not honest with all of your symptoms.
Are you seeing her regularly? For how long?
I've heard you mention her before, and also that she doesn't know what's wrong with you. That doesn't sound good to me.
Perhaps you should be seeing someone with more experience, like a psychiatrist. Someone with an actual doctorate in the field of mental health.
Also, whoever you're seeing, you need to tell them everything. You can't expect to be properly diagnosed if you're not honest with all of your symptoms.
Mon Apr 18, 2005 12:07 am
Though it does sound a lot like a mental disorder, try your best to cheer yourself up a bit, or at least calm yourself down. I've found that gardening helps. Find a plant or two you want to grow, help them along, and sit back and admire the results once you're done. Most plants, especially non fruits/veggies, don't need much work. If gardening doesn't work for you, maybe something else will. Try different things. But, you must always keep yourself occupied somehow! Boredom is awful when combined with sadness.
Mon Apr 18, 2005 12:53 am
Sapphire Faerie is right. You need to see a real doctor--someone who has actual experience with this sort of thing. Because whoever you see should be trying to figure out how to help you, not just saying that they can't find anything wrong. And, if that doctor doesn't help, find another, and another, and another, until someone does help you through this.
And try other avenues as well. I don't know much about England, but here in the U.S. there are all sorts of support groups and outreach centers to help people with depression--particularly young people, like yourself. Perhaps, going to a support group might help you a lot. There you would be able to interact with others who are going through the same stuff you are going through--so you don't feel so alone and frustrated. And, help you work through your feelings. Many times you can find info about these support groups through your local government--and usually there is no cost or a low cost to attend these meetings.
Millions of people have depression. It sucks. But, it doesn't have to control your life. There is medicine to help, therapy to help, support groups to help. And, sometimes it is easier to curl up into a ball than to go out looking for that. If you find that to be the case, ask your mom, another family member, a trusted friend, your church pastor/minister, a school official to help you find a doctor that can help you.
I wish you positive thoughts, Ginger.
EDIT: And DiscordantNote has some really great advice. Finding an activity that relaxes you and lets you forget about all of the stuff in your head can help a lot. I also have found gardening to have quite a calming effect. Something about putting my fingers into black dirt brings me back to reality. Plus the added benefit of eventually seeing the labor of my hard work in a plant that is blooming or producing a vegetable. Pure joy. Some people dance, others write, draw, walk, swim, do volunteer work with animals/the elderly. Something to relieve the stress in your head and help you feel good about yourself.
And try other avenues as well. I don't know much about England, but here in the U.S. there are all sorts of support groups and outreach centers to help people with depression--particularly young people, like yourself. Perhaps, going to a support group might help you a lot. There you would be able to interact with others who are going through the same stuff you are going through--so you don't feel so alone and frustrated. And, help you work through your feelings. Many times you can find info about these support groups through your local government--and usually there is no cost or a low cost to attend these meetings.
Millions of people have depression. It sucks. But, it doesn't have to control your life. There is medicine to help, therapy to help, support groups to help. And, sometimes it is easier to curl up into a ball than to go out looking for that. If you find that to be the case, ask your mom, another family member, a trusted friend, your church pastor/minister, a school official to help you find a doctor that can help you.
I wish you positive thoughts, Ginger.
EDIT: And DiscordantNote has some really great advice. Finding an activity that relaxes you and lets you forget about all of the stuff in your head can help a lot. I also have found gardening to have quite a calming effect. Something about putting my fingers into black dirt brings me back to reality. Plus the added benefit of eventually seeing the labor of my hard work in a plant that is blooming or producing a vegetable. Pure joy. Some people dance, others write, draw, walk, swim, do volunteer work with animals/the elderly. Something to relieve the stress in your head and help you feel good about yourself.
Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:10 am
Ok, I was lurking around today, thought maybe I could give you my opinion 
.
_____________
First of all, how old are you? Normally, I wouldn't ask, but if you are in your teens, this kind of stuff is pretty normal. It's just your hormones.
However, there is a point when you can tell that it's NOT normal. I have been diagnosed with depression at 13-so I know all about it now. Have you been losing interest in things that you used to enjoy? Do you feel isolated, or more left out? Do you try to avoid social situations? Do you just stay in your room all day laying down and crying or just feel down for a while even if something good happens? If so, you could be suffering from a condition called clinical depression. (Wow, this really sounds like a commercial for some antidepressants, doesn't it?)
If you don't have a psychiatrist/psychologist, I suggest you look into getting one, they can diagnose that and possibly give you medication if they feel it is right for you.
Depression can't be cured, and it isn't something that you can just 'get over.' You can't just be happy or 'cheer up' just because you want to. If you really do have it, one of the best methods is medication/therapy. It can be treated, and you are stronger than the depression. Remember, there may be some things that you think might help it, or might distract you from it or something, but they can end up making you feel worse. I'm talking about self-harm, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, you get the idea. They may seem like the best solution at times, but you will really regret it later.
Again, I'm just telling you what I know about it. We're all just telling you what we know. The best way to find out is to see a real doctor and get a psychologist/psychiatrist. They know how to treat that stuff.
Also, try doing positive things, like getting involved with sports, or taking up another hobby. I know that sometimes I get depressed when I'm bored. Maybe you can start reading the newspaper, do puzzles, start knitting or play a musical instrument. Doing something makes you feel good.
Exercise is also great for depression. It released endorphins in your brain. You know how when you're hungry and then you have a nice meal and you feel full, but not stuffed? You feel satisfied and relaxed? That's because your brain releases endorphins when you're full. It also released endorphins when you're active and moving.
Good luck!
.
_____________
First of all, how old are you? Normally, I wouldn't ask, but if you are in your teens, this kind of stuff is pretty normal. It's just your hormones.
However, there is a point when you can tell that it's NOT normal. I have been diagnosed with depression at 13-so I know all about it now. Have you been losing interest in things that you used to enjoy? Do you feel isolated, or more left out? Do you try to avoid social situations? Do you just stay in your room all day laying down and crying or just feel down for a while even if something good happens? If so, you could be suffering from a condition called clinical depression. (Wow, this really sounds like a commercial for some antidepressants, doesn't it?)
If you don't have a psychiatrist/psychologist, I suggest you look into getting one, they can diagnose that and possibly give you medication if they feel it is right for you.
Depression can't be cured, and it isn't something that you can just 'get over.' You can't just be happy or 'cheer up' just because you want to. If you really do have it, one of the best methods is medication/therapy. It can be treated, and you are stronger than the depression. Remember, there may be some things that you think might help it, or might distract you from it or something, but they can end up making you feel worse. I'm talking about self-harm, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, you get the idea. They may seem like the best solution at times, but you will really regret it later.
Again, I'm just telling you what I know about it. We're all just telling you what we know. The best way to find out is to see a real doctor and get a psychologist/psychiatrist. They know how to treat that stuff.
Also, try doing positive things, like getting involved with sports, or taking up another hobby. I know that sometimes I get depressed when I'm bored. Maybe you can start reading the newspaper, do puzzles, start knitting or play a musical instrument. Doing something makes you feel good.
Exercise is also great for depression. It released endorphins in your brain. You know how when you're hungry and then you have a nice meal and you feel full, but not stuffed? You feel satisfied and relaxed? That's because your brain releases endorphins when you're full. It also released endorphins when you're active and moving.
Good luck!
Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:29 am
i know how you feel, ive just about recovered from another rutt myself.
it gets better by the by, it may take some time, but it will get better.
and if all else fails, obscene levels of mindless violence on my computer (on. the. computer!) helps me, might not be for everyone but what harm could it do??
and saying that all teens get depressed is rather condescending.
i was told that it was just my hormones.
five years later ive still not recovered.
it gets better by the by, it may take some time, but it will get better.
and if all else fails, obscene levels of mindless violence on my computer (on. the. computer!) helps me, might not be for everyone but what harm could it do??
and saying that all teens get depressed is rather condescending.
i was told that it was just my hormones.
five years later ive still not recovered.
Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:33 am
Setekh wrote:and saying that all teens get depressed is rather condescending.
i was told that it was just my hormones.
five years later ive still not recovered.
I never got depressed as a teen. But I went through a 6 month bout after my father died. I was 34 at the time. So, age really doesn't have anything to do with it.
Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:45 am
having somone as close as a father is fair enough.
saying that all teenagers are depressed is immensly condescending to those who suffer under depression everyday.
saying that all teenagers are depressed is immensly condescending to those who suffer under depression everyday.
Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:09 am
Setekh wrote:having somone as close as a father is fair enough.
saying that all teenagers are depressed is immensly condescending to those who suffer under depression everyday.
Oh, Setekh, don't get me wrong. I agree totally. I think that it is condescending as well to lump all teenagers together and say that they are depressed because of their age or their hormones or whatever. I just was pointing out that I didn't get depression as a teenager. It hit me when I was an adult.
Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:15 am
oh, i know.
i just have a habit of talking to people that havent been in a conversation for some time.
gets rather odd when i radomly finish a conversation i had a few hours previous actually.
i just have a habit of talking to people that havent been in a conversation for some time.
gets rather odd when i radomly finish a conversation i had a few hours previous actually.
Tue Apr 19, 2005 1:05 pm
Thanks for everything, guys. Things have just got a whole lot worse though. I told my mom about my depression and she said it was just one of those things. My mom was absolutely fine a few days ago, before I told her about me. Now she's crying every day and has been talking to her mom and everyone. They're all going to rally around her. Nobody really cares about me. "You'll get over it" is what people say to me. My mom though, no, they're talking about getting help, getting her on medication because her life is oh so terrible. All I can do is sit in my room, door closed, headphones on, hoping that my depression will lift and I'll be okay soon. I only have myself, no one else seems to care.
Tue Apr 19, 2005 1:35 pm
Setekh wrote:and saying that all teens get depressed is rather condescending.
Not all teens are depressed, but you must agree that the teenage years are very prone to depression.
If you get depressed I would say you should try to change your outlook on life. Try to think of life as one big adventure rather than keep thinking "what's the point of life?" etc. Getting yourself involved in helping others (community work, volunteerism etc) can help tremendously too.
Tue Apr 19, 2005 1:37 pm
I think you need a hug dear. 
I'm going through a similar situation myself. I have had a really crappy month and instead of getting down about it like I did last year, I've planned for the future and made a desicion about what I really want to do with my life. Now I've got something to look forward to, life doesn't seem that bad. Unfortunately, my mom has taken all my problems upon herself and she's got really seriously depressed. It's a really scary and isolating feeling, knowing that your mom's in the same position that you have been in. I hate watching my mom sob her heart out knowing that it's because of me.
Maybe you and your mom should seek help together. Tell her how you're feeling and that you understand what she's going through. Wallowing in self pity does nothing for your self-esteem love. Seek help yourself, don't wait for others to come to you. Hoping that depression will lift never works. Help yourself and help your mom. Don't think that you're the only person in your family who suffers from depression. It can run in the family.
Sorry if I sound all-knowing. Just I know a bit about having clincally depressed family members and how to deal with them.
Keep your chin up dear.
I'm going through a similar situation myself. I have had a really crappy month and instead of getting down about it like I did last year, I've planned for the future and made a desicion about what I really want to do with my life. Now I've got something to look forward to, life doesn't seem that bad. Unfortunately, my mom has taken all my problems upon herself and she's got really seriously depressed. It's a really scary and isolating feeling, knowing that your mom's in the same position that you have been in. I hate watching my mom sob her heart out knowing that it's because of me.
Maybe you and your mom should seek help together. Tell her how you're feeling and that you understand what she's going through. Wallowing in self pity does nothing for your self-esteem love. Seek help yourself, don't wait for others to come to you. Hoping that depression will lift never works. Help yourself and help your mom. Don't think that you're the only person in your family who suffers from depression. It can run in the family.
Sorry if I sound all-knowing. Just I know a bit about having clincally depressed family members and how to deal with them.
Keep your chin up dear.