To Reply or Not to Reply: A Scaredy Chicken's Dilemma
Tue Oct 25, 2005 10:40 am
Lol. I have a bit of a social/low-esteem problem. Yes, I know internet is not like talking to people in person, but I still get nervous. lol
When I get PMs, at times I have no idea if I'm expected to reply or not. Then I'll stress myself out over whether I should. For example, in my current contest people PM their answers to me. Sometimes they include little comments and such about the game, their answers, their life, whatever. At times, I don't know if I'm supposed to reply to them. Sometimes I know whether I should reply or not, especially if it's from a friend. At other times, I'm not so sure. I think maybe if I did, I'd be bothering the person or that they don't really want to hear what I'm going to say or whatever. lol Sometimes I want to reply badly because I like them and I want to be friends with them, but I think that I'm not the type of person they'd want to be friends with or something.
This also happens when I get random PMs or IMs. Sometimes I just have a lot going on and I don't have the time to talk (lol *stay-at-home mom of four kids*
), but it's not that I don't want to. I'll usually end up writing off something quick or not replying for a while and then I feel terrible afterwards. lol If I have time to reply, then half the time I have no idea what to say. Either way, I feel like a huge dork for even having the problem.
I might be rambling a bit and I apologize for that.
I know what I want to say in my head, but it's not so easy to put it into words. I guess I had some things I needed to get off my chest and let out, I wanted to apologize to some people, and I wanted to reach out a bit to other people who deal with the same doubts. It might seem a bit silly, but this has been majorly bothering me and I didn't want anyone to feel left behind if it was bothering them, too, or if they had wanted me to reply to something that I didn't. I do care, I probably just didn't know I was supposed to or it was okay to reply. lol
Socially awkward people unite!! *waves banner*
^.^
When I get PMs, at times I have no idea if I'm expected to reply or not. Then I'll stress myself out over whether I should. For example, in my current contest people PM their answers to me. Sometimes they include little comments and such about the game, their answers, their life, whatever. At times, I don't know if I'm supposed to reply to them. Sometimes I know whether I should reply or not, especially if it's from a friend. At other times, I'm not so sure. I think maybe if I did, I'd be bothering the person or that they don't really want to hear what I'm going to say or whatever. lol Sometimes I want to reply badly because I like them and I want to be friends with them, but I think that I'm not the type of person they'd want to be friends with or something.
This also happens when I get random PMs or IMs. Sometimes I just have a lot going on and I don't have the time to talk (lol *stay-at-home mom of four kids*
), but it's not that I don't want to. I'll usually end up writing off something quick or not replying for a while and then I feel terrible afterwards. lol If I have time to reply, then half the time I have no idea what to say. Either way, I feel like a huge dork for even having the problem.
I might be rambling a bit and I apologize for that.
I know what I want to say in my head, but it's not so easy to put it into words. I guess I had some things I needed to get off my chest and let out, I wanted to apologize to some people, and I wanted to reach out a bit to other people who deal with the same doubts. It might seem a bit silly, but this has been majorly bothering me and I didn't want anyone to feel left behind if it was bothering them, too, or if they had wanted me to reply to something that I didn't. I do care, I probably just didn't know I was supposed to or it was okay to reply. lol
Socially awkward people unite!! *waves banner*
^.^
Tue Oct 25, 2005 10:53 am
*hugs* Always good to get it off your chest.
Tue Oct 25, 2005 11:21 am
Oh ho ho! And tis a confession! And the reason for this confession is that you finally learned your lesson and you think that we oughtta know the truth. Cause you lied and you cheated and you lied a little more, you don't even know what you did it for. You must admit, you've been a little immature, in your book of lies you was the editor, and the author you totally forged your signature, now you apologize for what you did you youuurraa cause what you did to us we did to you.
Tue Oct 25, 2005 11:41 am
Shoyru_Lover wrote:Oh ho ho! And tis a confession! And the reason for this confession is that you finally learned your lesson and you think that we oughtta know the truth. Cause you lied and you cheated and you lied a little more, you don't even know what you did it for. You must admit, you've been a little immature, in your book of lies you was the editor, and the author you totally forged your signature, now you apologize for what you did you youuurraa cause what you did to us we did to you.
^Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay o_o;
Haha Jas, I have the same problem sometimes ^^; Don't worry about it, I'm sure anybody would be delighted to receive a PM from you. Really. Just think to yourself: Would you find it annoying if somebody PM'ed you? I'm sure you wouldn't mind, right? ^_^ So why should this other person?
Tue Oct 25, 2005 11:53 am
I've had that problem too, I know just how you feel! I wouldn't be worried about replying, though...if it were me, I'd be ecstatic if you replied. ^^
Tue Oct 25, 2005 12:11 pm
Shoyru_Lover wrote:Oh ho ho! And tis a confession! And the reason for this confession is that you finally learned your lesson and you think that we oughtta know the truth. Cause you lied and you cheated and you lied a little more, you don't even know what you did it for. You must admit, you've been a little immature, in your book of lies you was the editor, and the author you totally forged your signature, now you apologize for what you did you youuurraa cause what you did to us we did to you.
Same reaction as Jade. Exactly the same. -bundles you into a cupboard-
Aww, Jas.
You can reply to my PMs anytime. Not that I... PM you much. o_o
Tue Oct 25, 2005 12:17 pm
heh, I ave the same problem.. I am kinda shy (though others dont think so so much o.o) and it can be really annoying... There are a few people I want to add to MSN, but never do... I especually always get the feeling people dont like me and such... Just righting this now, I have a feeling some poeple could read this and think "pfft, he's stupid"... anyway... It's good you came out and said it 
...
...
Tue Oct 25, 2005 1:07 pm
I have a similar problem only mine is over the phone. You should see how worked up I get if I have to make a phone call to the bank. 
For PMs and such my general rule of thumb is "Do I have something meaningful to contribute?" If my response is going to be along the lines of "Ok that's cool" but not ask a question, elaborate, or clarify, I probably won't send a reply.
The exceptions for me are when I ask "Would it be socially polite to send a reply?" or "Would it encourage or comfort the person if I replied?" Those wouldn't have much content but if someone complimented me on a set, it is socially polite (in all contexts) to reply back with a "thank you". I might add more to the message about why the set is significant to me, but I might not.
I don't know if that helps you, but that's how I usually decide if I should reply or not.
For PMs and such my general rule of thumb is "Do I have something meaningful to contribute?" If my response is going to be along the lines of "Ok that's cool" but not ask a question, elaborate, or clarify, I probably won't send a reply.
The exceptions for me are when I ask "Would it be socially polite to send a reply?" or "Would it encourage or comfort the person if I replied?" Those wouldn't have much content but if someone complimented me on a set, it is socially polite (in all contexts) to reply back with a "thank you". I might add more to the message about why the set is significant to me, but I might not.
I don't know if that helps you, but that's how I usually decide if I should reply or not.
Tue Oct 25, 2005 1:57 pm
*helps wave the banner*
I have the same issue, Jasujo. Quite badly, actually. And to add more to it, I never know when to end a PM conversation. I always worry that I'm dragging it out unnecessarily (even if it's still 'going strong'), or when I finally realize it's dying out, I'm afraid I'll seem rude if I don't post one more time. For this reason, most of my PMs never make it out of the Outbox...and most of my posts never actually get seen. (It's a miracle that this one made it!)
I think it's a good thing when well-recognized members of the PPT community share these feelings. While Jasujo is no more 'important' than anyone else, she is very well known, and I know at least I view her with quite a bit of respect because of her ability to make everyone feel like they belong. Realizing that my own socially awkward habits (I don't think I've used a phone in like a year, except in an emergency situation, so I know what you're talking about, Flutterby) are shared by someone who I couldn't imagine having such issues really gives me, and hopefully others, a bit more courage to reach out to other people. ^_^
I have the same issue, Jasujo. Quite badly, actually. And to add more to it, I never know when to end a PM conversation. I always worry that I'm dragging it out unnecessarily (even if it's still 'going strong'), or when I finally realize it's dying out, I'm afraid I'll seem rude if I don't post one more time. For this reason, most of my PMs never make it out of the Outbox...and most of my posts never actually get seen. (It's a miracle that this one made it!)
I think it's a good thing when well-recognized members of the PPT community share these feelings. While Jasujo is no more 'important' than anyone else, she is very well known, and I know at least I view her with quite a bit of respect because of her ability to make everyone feel like they belong. Realizing that my own socially awkward habits (I don't think I've used a phone in like a year, except in an emergency situation, so I know what you're talking about, Flutterby) are shared by someone who I couldn't imagine having such issues really gives me, and hopefully others, a bit more courage to reach out to other people. ^_^
Tue Oct 25, 2005 3:09 pm
I agree totally with all of the above Mylene =) I have that problem a lot too, especially when it comes to the end of a conversation - I don't want to appear rude by just not replying but I don't want to annoy people or bug them by continuing to talk when they might think the conversation is over :S
I get quite nervous about it as I don't feel that I express myself very well over the internet, or at least not as well as I could face to face. I dread using the phone for the same reason (unless it's my mum or boyfriend), without a face or body language to read I tend to flounder and end up coming across not as personable as I would wish. And a good part of my sense of humour relies on sarcasm which I avoid using on the net so I worry I'm coming across too serious all the time which definitely isn't like me x)
So yeah, I have no helpful advice but I can say it happens to me too and I am <i>so</i> relieved I'm not the only one! I only started using the net when I started uni so I often feel like my problems are just me not having used the net for as long *waves little banner*
I get quite nervous about it as I don't feel that I express myself very well over the internet, or at least not as well as I could face to face. I dread using the phone for the same reason (unless it's my mum or boyfriend), without a face or body language to read I tend to flounder and end up coming across not as personable as I would wish. And a good part of my sense of humour relies on sarcasm which I avoid using on the net so I worry I'm coming across too serious all the time which definitely isn't like me x)
So yeah, I have no helpful advice but I can say it happens to me too and I am <i>so</i> relieved I'm not the only one! I only started using the net when I started uni so I often feel like my problems are just me not having used the net for as long *waves little banner*
Tue Oct 25, 2005 6:22 pm
MyleneFarmer wrote: And to add more to it, I never know when to end a PM conversation. I always worry that I'm dragging it out unnecessarily (even if it's still 'going strong'), or when I finally realize it's dying out, I'm afraid I'll seem rude if I don't post one more time.
I have the exact same problem! I'm the same way with texts, too...I can never decide whether I need to reply or if I'm just wasting my credit.
I also very very rarely IM people I'm not quite close with out of fear I'll just be annoying them.
Always good to know I'm not the only one with that problem, though. =)
Oh, and Trick -- I know where you're coming from on the sarcasm thing. I'm afraid to be sarcastic because it can so easily be misinterpreted, but then I feel like I'm being really boring and serious when I'm not! A lot of times I'll say something slightly less sarcastic than I normally would and use a smilie...spoils a bit of the effect, but does keep people from reading it wrong, generally.
Tue Oct 25, 2005 6:52 pm
Ditto to all above. I would love to just be able to PM people and not worry about it, but I try and never to send a Pm. I love getting them, butI hate send the first one to start a convostaion. Its nice to know that everyone else also feels like this.
Tue Oct 25, 2005 8:29 pm
Yup, I get it - the little nigling feeling that I've said something in a pm or email to make me sound like more of a numpty that intended. Of course, I am a numpty, so it's probably not that big of a problem.
Don't worry about being offish... you're on the internet. It's not a medium that you need to be online all the time for. That's why life with your four kids comes first. I get that awkward 'I've come back' non-conversational lacklustre when I come back from tea, phone or loo.
That's why forums are the perfect place to be. If you're not there for a day, then you've taken a day off, or have been too busy.
About the PM's - answer the ones you want to answer. Why not start a couple conversations? Get into the swing of things....
Hope you're feeling better about all this...
PM me... tell me about the weather.
Don't worry about being offish... you're on the internet. It's not a medium that you need to be online all the time for. That's why life with your four kids comes first. I get that awkward 'I've come back' non-conversational lacklustre when I come back from tea, phone or loo.
That's why forums are the perfect place to be. If you're not there for a day, then you've taken a day off, or have been too busy.
About the PM's - answer the ones you want to answer. Why not start a couple conversations? Get into the swing of things....
Hope you're feeling better about all this...
PM me... tell me about the weather.
Tue Oct 25, 2005 11:24 pm
_jade_em_ wrote: Just think to yourself: Would you find it annoying if somebody PM'ed you? I'm sure you wouldn't mind, right? ^_^ So why should this other person?
Jade's just summed it up for me.
If you find it hard, why not PM someone you think is nice and won't mind random PMs but you don't know too well? Me for example.
Tue Oct 25, 2005 11:35 pm
Oddly enough I don't get this problem much. I mostly just reply to everybody, except for ones I really really don't want to reply (rarely).
I'm not like that in real life though.
But I don't add people on MSN. Well, that's actually because I'm too lazy XD.
I'm not like that in real life though.
But I don't add people on MSN. Well, that's actually because I'm too lazy XD.