Suicidal Thoughts

[Ken]

I've gotten so depressed lately that im not just thinking about suicide anymore, im starting to think how and when.

Recently, my best friend, who moved away from here (Las Vegas) to go to college in California, died in a car accident. What really gets me is that this is like the 5th friend who died in like 3 years. He was the one in high school that told me that I didn't have to drink or do drugs to be cool. He got hit by a drunk driver. My life just keeps getting better and better!

I have also been suffering from some kind of depression for about 3 - 4 months now. Its dragged me down to the lowest level. Sometimes just walking up the stairs I have to stop halfway and sit down. I almost no energy left at all. Whatever food I eat I throw back up again. I haven't had a decent amount of food for almost 2 - 3 days now. I sleep for only 1 -2 hours at night. I cry all the time. I can't take this feeling anymore. I have been happy my whole life.

Many many people would say that me and my sister are very privileged. Both of my parents are doctors, my uncle is a lawyer, my aunt is an accountant.... we got everything we wanted when we were little. We still get what we want now. My parents bought me a 2003 BMW M3 for my 16th birthday and they didn't even care that I didn't need that car. I work for my uncle in his lawyers firm and I get 23 bucks an hour. I go to work everyday and see people who ride the bus and they need cars more then I ever would. The one thing I want most I can't buy. Money can't buy happiness.

I pretend to be happy everyday. Im literally dieing inside and nobody knows. I hate my life so much right now. Sometimes I wish I can be somebody else. Im just sick and tired of every single thing. I don't see a point of going on any longer.

5 friends dead in a matter of 3 years. I only have a few left and I'm so afraid that this will happen again. I don't want to become attached and have a person that I truly care about in life taken away like that. Im afraid it will happen again.

I can't even begin to describe the feeling. It makes me feel like I want to explode. Its worse than any physical pain I have ever felt. The sensation is overwhelming. Everyone tells me things will be alright. But things already aren't alright. Its like its not even me anymore. Out of body and out of mind. I didn't use to be shy or quiet. Its just not me anymore. I get this funny feeling sometimes that I shouldn't be going out with friends or I shouldn't be calling them because im going to annoy them or something.

I just want to say sorry to everyone. Sorry sorry sorry.

If this is my last post on PPT, please don't be surprised.

[Shoyru_Lover]

Suicide is never the answer.

You need to be aware that it's not just about you. If you commmit suicide, you're effecting your mum, your dad, your friends and those who care about you in the worst way possible. No one ever deserves to be effected in this way.

Things do get better, you need to go talk to someone qualified about this.

[Bangel]

It's this thing. It's called puberty. Makes you up, down, all around. Kind of the like the hokey pokey.

But guess what the good part is. It ends. And you're okay again. But you'll never be okay again if you end it now. Think about your... niece I thought it was? I know how much she loves you. Think about what you'd put her through if she could never see you again. You think a tiny child doesn't care? Think again. Because she will. The only difference is that it will be worse, because she won't understand why you're gone. Think about your family. You love them. I know you do, otherwise you wouldn't care about your sister's affairs when you posted them a while back. Now I've only lost a dog, but that hurt so much and it took a long while for the hurt to go away. That was just a dog. You are a human being. Imagine what you'd put your family through- your family that loves you, and is there for you. Sure, you may be having tough times with them. But you must remember... you must always remember that they love you. And I know you love them back. And you know how you've lost 5 friends? I bet a lot of your friends lost the same amount. And if you killed yourself, you'd be adding one more death to their lives. You know how you feel now? You could do that to several people.

Suicide is not the answer. No matter how many times you've heard it and how many times it's seemed corny. You can't give up the fight because you're getting it rough. Welcome to life. Life isn't fair. But you know what? It will get better. I promise you. You gotta hang on to the sunshine you have left instead of letting go. There's too many precious things you'll miss in life and too many precious people you'll be leaving behind. You know we care about you here, too, because otherwise you would not have come to us. You know that we will be here for you. Always, always be here for you.

Don't throw it all away. There will be clouds in your sky sometimes. But it doesn't take long for them to move out, and you can see the sun again. You just gotta wait.

Last edited by Bangel on Sat Nov 05, 2005 3:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

[Trick]

Please see a doctor or call a line and talk to someone - tell them everything and get the help you need. Coming from a privileged family doesn't change anything, depression doesn't care how rich you are. It is a horrible horrible illness that can prey on the unsuspecting at the worst times but it can be dealt with and things can get better.

Think of all the people in your life who would be effected by you commiting suicide - what if they ended up feeling the way you feel now because of it?

I don't know you and you don't know me, but I do know what depression can do to people. I've seen it happen and to a far far lesser degree I've been there myself, but if you open up to someone who knows how to deal with it things will and can get better. I've seen some of your posts around here and I know you are strong enough to do that.

I'll be thinking of you and I know for sure I won't be the only one.

[Amethyst]

Heh, you too? I spent a good portion of school on Tuesday thinking about the least painful way in which I could kill myself. I don't know why I should keep living, really. My grades are awful, my parents are always telling me that everything I do is wrong, and I have nothing to look forward to in life other than working every day until I die. So yeah, I spent 4th period Chemistry trying to figure out how I could hang myself somewhere.

But then I started thinking. Not about all the stupid, huge stuff that guidance counselors tell you, like "Your family will be so disappointed" or "You have so many opportunities" because it's so overused that it doesn't even mean anything. I started thinking about all the small stuff.

"Hmm....I DID just rent those FMA DVDs...."

"I've never seen Japanese Shaman King...."

"I want to finish up that fanfic...."

"S-chan and I never did get to round off that RP plotline..."

"I wonder what everyone said about my new art in the gallery?"

And it worked. I just thought of a bunch of pointless, stupid stuff that I wanted to do, and how I'd feel if I died leaving so much unfinished. I guess what I'm trying to get across is that everyone always says the same thing when you talk about suicide, so no one really takes it seriously anymore. Take my advice or don't, but just pick what seems like the right thing to you.

[Runevalkyrie]

I think a lot of the advice that has been given is sufficent enough given the nature of the subject.