I need advice...
Fri Jul 14, 2006 3:32 am
Ok, I've got this friend, Tina (name changed). She's......well, not right in the head. She has depression and serious attention issues. I try to be patient with her, but she gets on my nerves. She's extremely timid, and thinks I'm always mad at her. Example:
(Tina left some Cheetos out and open for hours, and they got stale)
Me: Did you leave those out?
Tina: yes...
Me: Why didn't you put them up? (perfectly and purposely calmly, not snapping at all)
Tina: SORR-RRRY! You don't have to ****ing snap!!
Recently, her family's air conditioning went out. My mom went and invited her to stay over till it came back on--while she and my dad went to Vegas. Just me and Tina in the house. This was last Wednesday, Tina spent Thursdaay, Friday, Sat., Sun., Mon, and Tues. night here. Last night was my first full, decent night sleep in a stinking week because every dang night it was
Tina: Can I sleep in your room on the floor
Me: .............
Tina: Ok thanks. *turns light on and lays down*
Me: *turns light off*
Tina: I CAN'T SLEEP WITH THE ****ING LIGHT OFF, YOU KNOW THAT!!!!!!
She wakes me up, is rude to my other friends, and won't give in on anything unless I yell at her, then procedes to yell about how the whole world hates her and she wants to "****ing kill herself and do the world a favor". Furthermore, I have several friends who are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. I myself am bisexual. At one point when we were talking, she called gays/lesbians/bisexuals evil. I tried to keep a hold on my temper, but after about five minutes of her ranting about how the world should be cleared of the evil of homo/bisexuals, I snapped, yelling some of my best friends were such. She got mad and ran away for a few hours, before returning and acting like nothing happened. It dosen't help that she's either stupid or acting stupid for attention.
Mom: What two countries border the U.S.?
Tina: .....Canada and China!
I'm one of her only friends, and I feel sorry for her, but it's getting where I can't stand her!!! Please help....
(Tina left some Cheetos out and open for hours, and they got stale)
Me: Did you leave those out?
Tina: yes...
Me: Why didn't you put them up? (perfectly and purposely calmly, not snapping at all)
Tina: SORR-RRRY! You don't have to ****ing snap!!
Recently, her family's air conditioning went out. My mom went and invited her to stay over till it came back on--while she and my dad went to Vegas. Just me and Tina in the house. This was last Wednesday, Tina spent Thursdaay, Friday, Sat., Sun., Mon, and Tues. night here. Last night was my first full, decent night sleep in a stinking week because every dang night it was
Tina: Can I sleep in your room on the floor
Me: .............
Tina: Ok thanks. *turns light on and lays down*
Me: *turns light off*
Tina: I CAN'T SLEEP WITH THE ****ING LIGHT OFF, YOU KNOW THAT!!!!!!
She wakes me up, is rude to my other friends, and won't give in on anything unless I yell at her, then procedes to yell about how the whole world hates her and she wants to "****ing kill herself and do the world a favor". Furthermore, I have several friends who are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. I myself am bisexual. At one point when we were talking, she called gays/lesbians/bisexuals evil. I tried to keep a hold on my temper, but after about five minutes of her ranting about how the world should be cleared of the evil of homo/bisexuals, I snapped, yelling some of my best friends were such. She got mad and ran away for a few hours, before returning and acting like nothing happened. It dosen't help that she's either stupid or acting stupid for attention.
Mom: What two countries border the U.S.?
Tina: .....Canada and China!
I'm one of her only friends, and I feel sorry for her, but it's getting where I can't stand her!!! Please help....
Fri Jul 14, 2006 4:22 am
Don't feel sorry for people like this. If she's a smurf, then she doesn't deserve to be your friend.
Fri Jul 14, 2006 4:52 am
It looks like there's a damn good reason that she doesn't have many friends. If she wants attention, she should change her ways and make friends for the right reasons. Until then, you shouldn't feel sorry for her, because she's the only person responsible for her position.
Fri Jul 14, 2006 5:01 am
Wow. She's really being a little brat. I'd like to say more but the filters won't allow me.
Seriously, don't let her get away with this. While I can understand that personal issues make you snap at people you're close to, it's still no excuse to do so. At times, I've lost it at my friends because my issues are too much to deal with, but I almost immediately feel remorseful, and apologise for being so nasty.
Try not to let her get to you - I know it can be hard at times, but just ignore her when she gets like this. If she sees that her attention seeking doesn't have as much of as effect, she will hopefully tone it down, at least. But it's in no way your fault, and you don't deserve any of it.
Seriously, don't let her get away with this. While I can understand that personal issues make you snap at people you're close to, it's still no excuse to do so. At times, I've lost it at my friends because my issues are too much to deal with, but I almost immediately feel remorseful, and apologise for being so nasty.
Try not to let her get to you - I know it can be hard at times, but just ignore her when she gets like this. If she sees that her attention seeking doesn't have as much of as effect, she will hopefully tone it down, at least. But it's in no way your fault, and you don't deserve any of it.
Fri Jul 14, 2006 6:53 am
How old is your friend? Six? Because it sounds as if she's acting like one.
You do NOT need to put up with her crap; she's a not a friend if she believes you're evil and that you should be "cleared" from the world. In all honesty, I believe you should drop her as a friend. Stop talking to her, cut her off completely. You don't deserve to be treated like this.
You do NOT need to put up with her crap; she's a not a friend if she believes you're evil and that you should be "cleared" from the world. In all honesty, I believe you should drop her as a friend. Stop talking to her, cut her off completely. You don't deserve to be treated like this.
Sat Jul 15, 2006 10:19 pm
Tell her that she's bugging you and how, and if she doesn't change just quit being friends with her. You shouldn't have to put up with her, and if she knows what a pain she is and still acts like that, then she shouldn't expect to have many friends.
Sat Jul 15, 2006 11:48 pm
Ugh....I used to be like that. And I always felt sorry for myself and thought that everyone else was in the wrong. I'm going to refrain from calling her a brat because if she's anything like I was then she doesn't realise just how silly she's being. I was perfect in my eyes and I couldn't understand why everyone was annoyed at me all the time. I've grown out of it now and hopefully she will do the same. I know it must be hard for you but just try and give her a wide berth for a few days.
Sun Jul 16, 2006 3:52 am
I had friends like that in high school and I have, during certain points in my life, acted in similar ways. Granted, yes, she probably is doing it for attention, but that isn't always the entire reasoning behind that sort of behavior. She might be having a hard time at home or with other people in general. It seems like she might have some severe impulse problems as well.
I think above all else you need to sit her down and talk to her about how she has been acting. She's obviously entitled to her own opinion on homosexuality and the like, but if she's putting you in a situation that makes you uncomfortable then you need to say something. If she wants to continue to be your friend she either needs to overcome her issues with differing sexualities or learn to at least accept people as they are and not worry who they are attracted to. I agree with the above comments that she is being petty and obnoxious, but at the same time, I think she needs to know what it's like to have a real friend as well. Friendship is not about "putting up" with someone. If she makes you angry, tell her. If she throws a fit about it, so be it. Let her have her do what she wants, but tell her that if she intends to be around you then she needs to learn how to be an adult about things.
I think above all else you need to sit her down and talk to her about how she has been acting. She's obviously entitled to her own opinion on homosexuality and the like, but if she's putting you in a situation that makes you uncomfortable then you need to say something. If she wants to continue to be your friend she either needs to overcome her issues with differing sexualities or learn to at least accept people as they are and not worry who they are attracted to. I agree with the above comments that she is being petty and obnoxious, but at the same time, I think she needs to know what it's like to have a real friend as well. Friendship is not about "putting up" with someone. If she makes you angry, tell her. If she throws a fit about it, so be it. Let her have her do what she wants, but tell her that if she intends to be around you then she needs to learn how to be an adult about things.
Wed Jul 19, 2006 3:11 am
In my opinion, you only have so many hours a day/week/month/whatever to devote to your friends. So why spend time with someone who is so horrible to you? When you could be spending it with someone who really cares about you and enjoys your company. Don't make yourself feel guilty just because she doesn't have any other friends.
Wed Jul 19, 2006 3:44 pm
She does sound quite a bit peevish.
May I ask, why are you friends with her in the first place? (I'm not saying you shouldn't, I'm just curious on what positive assets she may have that let you continue to be her friend).
I agree with all the other tips about sitting down with her and giving her an honest (not necessary, blunt) talk. It probably will take many MANY talks before she realizes what she's doing. Let her explain her views and tell her people do care for her (like you) that she doesn't need to act all "bratty" to seek attention. Sometimes people just need a little bit more love than they already get.
And I'm pretty sure you don't want to pay for a psychiatrist.
May I ask, why are you friends with her in the first place? (I'm not saying you shouldn't, I'm just curious on what positive assets she may have that let you continue to be her friend).
I agree with all the other tips about sitting down with her and giving her an honest (not necessary, blunt) talk. It probably will take many MANY talks before she realizes what she's doing. Let her explain her views and tell her people do care for her (like you) that she doesn't need to act all "bratty" to seek attention. Sometimes people just need a little bit more love than they already get.
And I'm pretty sure you don't want to pay for a psychiatrist.
Wed Jul 19, 2006 4:14 pm
Zilary wrote:She does sound quite a bit peevish.
May I ask, why are you friends with her in the first place? (I'm not saying you shouldn't, I'm just curious on what positive assets she may have that let you continue to be her friend).
I'm sorry, but I'm only friends with my friends because they have big swimming pools and lots of money and a hecka lot of candy.
Tina & Robin might have had to spend last summer in that really boring algebra class with that teacher, well, don't they just bore you to sleep. What with all the other jocks and preppy kids, well, it isn't like they'd associate with theatre dorks, is it?
What I'm saying is, I don't think Robin actually became Tina's friend because of certain positive assets, they were just bored, or had no one else to talk to in a certain class, or worked on a project together. or something.
but you know, if I give you $40, will you be my friend?
Wed Jul 19, 2006 6:01 pm
I meant personality/character assets...not material wealth.
Wed Jul 19, 2006 6:15 pm
Zilary wrote::roll: I meant personality/character assets...not material wealth.
It was just a weird way of asking it. Like some personality traits trump others. They don't, they're all equal. Some people like different ones, though. There are no negative or positive traits. Some people may find ultra-niceness sickening because of jealousy or some other personal belief. Or some people may find obsession of death horribly morbid. Whatever floats your boat *shrugs*
Wed Jul 19, 2006 7:08 pm
Paul wrote:Zilary wrote::roll: I meant personality/character assets...not material wealth.
It was just a weird way of asking it. Like some personality traits trump others. They don't, they're all equal. Some people like different ones, though. There are no negative or positive traits. Some people may find ultra-niceness sickening because of jealousy or some other personal belief. Or some people may find obsession of death horribly morbid. Whatever floats your boat *shrugs*
In no way did Zilary say that Robin and Tina didnt have eqaul personalitlesl. Some people jsut dont click thats all, and she was just wondering why theyre friends if they dont click. Dont be such a hardass Paul
Wed Jul 19, 2006 7:44 pm
Tinkerbell wrote:In no way did Zilary say that Robin and Tina didnt have eqaul personalitlesl. Some people jsut dont click thats all, and she was just wondering why theyre friends if they dont click. Dont be such a hardass Paul
Oh, but I didn't say Zilary did say that Robin & Tina have equal personalities! I just said it was a hell of a way to describe it, positive assets? Geez. Tina isn't some object.
And seeing as Tina and friend are in the very first sentence of this topic, I'm pretty sure, you know, they click. Unless you doubt Robin's judgement of what a friend is or not.