Spam you've received

[Uncle Xyzzy]

Originally, the name was just Spam, but I decided that would be taken the wrong way.

What's the worst piece of (appropriate) spam you've received recntly in your inbox?

Beat this:

Request For Assistance.

You may be surprise to receive this letter from me, since you don't know me personally, I got your contact from The Netherlands internet directory chambers through my search for a reliable person to confide with. I am Halbert Juma Delmar the first son of Joseph Erasto Delmar who was recently murdered in a land dispute in Zimbabwe.

I am writing this letter to request your assistance and confidentiality to handle a transfer of fund into a Foreign Country and I decided to write you,my late father was among the few black Zimbabwean rich farmers murdered in cold blood by the agents of the ruling Government of President Robert Mugabe, for his alleged support and sympathy for the Zimbabwean opposition party controlled by the white minority. Before my fathers death, he has taken his fund to Europe and deposited the sum of Thirty six Million United State Dollars ($36million)with a Security and Finance Company as if he foreseen the looming danger in Zimbabwe. This money was allocated for the purchase of new Machinery and chemical products for Agro allied farm and for the establishment of new farms in Lesotho and Swaziland.

These land problems arose when President Robert Mugabe introduced a new land act that wholly affected the rich white farmers, and the blacks vehemently condemned the "modsoperandi" adopted by the government. This resulted to rampant Killings and mob action by the war veterans and some political thugs,precisely more than three thousands(3,000)people have so far been killed.Heads of government from the west, especially Britain and United States have voiced their condemnation of Mugabe's plans. Subsequently, South Africa Development Community ( S.A.D.C) has continuously supported Mugabe's new land act, it is against this background that my entire family who are currently residing in South Africa have decided to transfer my father's money into a foreign Country.

As the eldest son of my father, I am saddled with the responsibility of seeking a genuine foreign partner where this money could be transferred to without the knowledge of my government who are tactically freezing our family's wealth and South Africa government seem to be playing along with them. I am faced with the dilemma of investing this money in South Africa for the fear of encountering the same experience in the future, since both countries have the same political history.

More so, The South Africa Foreign Exchange policy does not allow such investment, Hence I am seeking for political asylum in The Netherlands from where i am presently communicating with you this
message now.

As a business person, I wannts to entrust my future and that of my family into your hands, I must let you know that this transaction is 100% risk free and the nature of your business does not necessarily matter.

For your assistance,we are offering you 15% of the sum, 80% for me and my family, while 5% will be mapped out for any expenses that we may incurred during this transaction.Wewish to invest our money on commercial properties based on your advice.Finally, I will demand for a total assurance and sincerity on your part when the fund gets to you in your country.

If this proposal is accepted by you, please confirm by sending me an email on my safe and more secure email address at

-email address-

Please also includes your telephone number for mutual contacts and discurssions.

Thanks and God bless you. Awaiting your urgent response.

Sincerely ,

Halbert Juma Delmar.

Ugh.

[Mongrel]

Yeah, the African transfer thing is one I get a lot. My Hotmail account doesn't block that kind of spam, either. But I definitely have something to beat it.

Hi rachel
how are you i saw your profile in student.com, am interested in a relationship with you.

my name is calistus am from nigeria
looking for a girl of your kind.

i love your profile and your picture look cute

am interested in a relationship with you and i mean it from the dept of my heart.I LOVE YOU mere looking and seeing your profile
i strongly believe we can make the heavens happy by feeding the atmosphere with our love.

reply me please so i can know your view

kindly attach a picture of yours for me to see you more.

much love and big kiss
calistus

[jellyoflight]

Well, most of my spam is about me winning the Belgian lottery or some...eh, men products.

[Light]

Spam (1221)

^ That's if I don't clear it out for a week

I get Prescription drugs scams.

[shapu]

I get a lot of male enhancement products. I'm never sure exactly how to joke about them, because it's a private subject.

(get it? Private? Privates? See, it's funny because...oh, nevermind).

Anyway, the best unsolicited non/spam I ever got was because of a typo in an email address - I received a proof of an article about the rate of incidence of cleft palates in sheep, and was asked for my comments. I offered them, with the rider that I was a 9th grader at the time and shouldn't be taken seriously. I have no idea whether the article was published.

[Uncle Xyzzy]

Yeah, the African transfer thing is one I get a lot. My Hotmail account doesn't block that kind of spam, either. But I definitely have something to beat it.

Hi rachel
how are you i saw your profile in student.com, am interested in a relationship with you.

my name is calistus am from nigeria
looking for a girl of your kind.

i love your profile and your picture look cute

am interested in a relationship with you and i mean it from the dept of my heart.I LOVE YOU mere looking and seeing your profile
i strongly believe we can make the heavens happy by feeding the atmosphere with our love.

reply me please so i can know your view

kindly attach a picture of yours for me to see you more.

much love and big kiss
calistus

Ah, yes, my mom started receiving those a few weeks ago.

Reeeeeeally creepy.

[Ski]

I'm sure that if I could find the European lottery I won and if I could understand my Japanese spam, I'd find one that beats it.

but staying on topic, try doing this with your spam: "Request"

[Christopher]

My spam is about 50% Nigerian, and 50% drugs. I wish my ISP had a 'block Nigeria' option =/

[Wind]

My spam contains a lot of pr0n and other stuff that shouldn't interest a girl. I'm wondering exactly how I got in those mailing lists.
My last one was weird, though, after a price list for the... uh... male thingies, I got these lines of text:

Dont worry about me, my head feels completely normal.
Harry
He then climbed out of the portrait hole, up through the silent castle

WTH? Harry Potter? Is he a testimonial or what?

[Kugetsu]

goes on exactly as I could wish my girl will be queen of Naples.for her sweet sake and many more such loverlike speeches. Helena,great distance from each other, sleeping on a grassplot for Puck,
let the pedlar go, and have bought your lass no toy.desired to be married at the same time to Beatrice. Beatrice makingdown, thinking to make that place his grave, and bade his dear master
Oliver told him how he had fallen in love with the fair shepherdess

When she went to that lady with the ring, she was most glad to findconsenting, Bassanio pleasantly said, Then our weddingfeast shall bebracelet, and likewise permitted him to pass a night in her chamberPrithee, fair youth, said old Bellarius, do not think us churls,
seamonster. And he cursed his eldest daughter Gonerill so as wasa sound sleep after the fatigues of his journey, and as she viewedby the death of his father. The king of France loved the father of
Helena was no sooner married, than she was desired by Bertram to apply

Helena was no sooner married, than she was desired by Bertram to applywhich he had picked out for the purpose, and himself and his servantrich lady of Ephesus with whom he was living his slave Dromio stillshe had no doubt that he was mad she therefore paid the jailor the
too late. Too late! said Isabel Why, no I that do speak a wordhe next went to Mariana, and gave her counsel in what manner she alsoViola, when Anthonio was gone, fearing a second invitation to fight,
denial even Ventidius, the redeemed and now rich Ventidius, refused

and the time between seemed as tedious to her, as the night beforethe streaks of day in the east too certainly pointed out that it wasMountague's hand in token of reconcilement was all he demanded forby respecting his father's memory, he would ask a blessing of her as
and thus the island was secure from any immediate apprehension of anPericles carried his young daughter whom he named Marina, because shehaply with her sweet tongue she might win some answer from the silent
with wine and he willed the ram to tell him whereabouts in the cave
Nine days they sailed smoothly, favoured by the western wind, and bywait for, that taint the minds of whoever listen to them with theirshe supped in again, all the bottom turned up, and disclosed farCallicoe.
or ships can pass, our vessels will be found. You cannot name a coastyet lives which is a question and enjoys the cheerful light of thework. But you would do well to spare me this reproach, and to save
remained for them, but that which their great Antinous had tasted! which formed my mother's name, and then say, Elizabeth Villiers,flowers that ever were seen, and among the grass under the trees there Every fresh face that came into the room, filled the nurse with
sate down to compose my piece, no story would come into my head, butmother's room, which was now made the repository of all my playthings, sweetmeats! While the doctor was gone to buy his horse, his kind
where they sate, and told me how the princesses were drest. It was athat the fine music which we sometimes heard in the air, came fromcome in my eyes, when sometimes they seemed to speak to me almost

o_0 Don't ask. It was in my spam folder.

(well, there's a .gif file advertising medicine that was blocked at first. I assume that's what it's advertising. xD)

[mazil]

Kugestu: Yeah, I get quite a lot of those too! I'm not exactly sure what the point of them is. There's an image attached, but it doesn't make much sense either.

25 million head of imports from Canada," he said.
i cant log on anymore at work.
But the prions turn deadly by changing shape. Brown of the University of Bath, United Kingdom; and Man-Sun Sy of Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, Cleveland, Ohio.
"The US plant capacity is built on 1.
rare groove at its best.
We've all met them before, maybe you've dated one, but hey, at least you ain't alone. The Meters: The Very Best of the MetersNew Orleans funk that has been sampled hundreds of times for good reason. To enable Japan to reopen its market to U. Thus, freedom to trade internationally also contributes substantially to our modern living standards.
Their chance meeting lead to many highs and lows.

I assume the random grabs of text is to help it get through spam filters... but ... what's the point?

[WIS]

Since I switched to Gmail, I didn't get any spam except for an occasional weird email with nothing in the message.

...

[_jaye_]

Stuff that when I glance at it I either go, "don't have it, don't need it." or "I! Don't! have! it! Stop! Sending! Stuff! To! Me!"

Those or something more inappropriate.

Oh yea, and last time, apparently this company broke down and I was told to claim the $$$ >_>

[Kugetsu]

Since I switched to Gmail, I didn't get any spam except for an occasional weird email with nothing in the message.

...

Seriously? o_0 My gmail has 542 spam messages now (well, it filters out rather often so who knows how much it would be if it wasn't cleaned out).

It was going to be my account that would never be spammed because I would never use it to sign up for anything. Then I started getting it for apparently no reason and gave up on that idea. x)

[Pink]

I get a lot of those "I'm a Nigerian important guy and I need your bank account...blah blah blah" and "So-and-So is interested" even though I've never made an online personality profile on any dating site...go fig. Oh. And I also get those "Claim your free gift here" ones that make you go through all those pages of advertisements...ugh