coming2atvnearu wrote:
Also, while I'm here... that's pretty weak as far as rants go.
Not that it isn't a valid complaint, but it sure ain't no steaming, vicious, knock yer socks off, someone-better-get-Larry-King-on-the-phone-to-line-up-an-interview-before-this-guy-goes-ballistic rant.
Two lines does not a rant make. You can't do that, its not allowed. Its poor ettiquette. Its bad manners. Its bad form. The Russian judge gives a 2. Ann Landers says stop and try again. Dear Abby agrees.
You say "rant" we think its the fricking Crusades but its the Bay of Pigs invasion. By saying rant you're giving a false impression of what we're going to get. Its like in the 80s when people figured the ultimate in sex appeal for vehicles was a station wagon because nothing says "I'm an available, attractive, desirable human being" like a giant boat on wheels. Anyways, this really did the trick for a while. They were ugly, they guzzled gas like Italy goes through Prime Ministers and the only option they came with was the interior could be REALLY stinky and guaranteed to form sweat on your back and butt and force you to stick to the seat even in the middle of January or it could be SOMEWHAT stinky and guaranteed to form the sweat in the back and nether regions and the stick and all the other horrible side effects. But you know what? It worked! Guys would go into bars and say, "Hey baby, you wanna see my station wagon?" and chicks would melt. They'd just collapse right there. Wham, Bam, Thank you GM. But then the novelty wore off. It wasn't a big deal. So some genius said, hey, how can I make this already irresistable piece of automotive marvel even more amazing? And you know what that whack job came up with? Fake wood siding. On a car. Now, when I'm flying down the highway because I'm late for my job because my girl friend decided now would be a perfect time for a little relationship talk, I want to be able to go as fast as possible with minimal concern for my safety, but I can't help but sweat a wee bit thinking that the only thing preventing me from a SEVERE case of road rash is a few 2 by 4s and a sheet of plywood. And the thing was, THAT WORKED TOO! It was bought by a bunch of middle aged, one-time hippies who now had a family and sold their soul to giant corporations because they figured that, even though they now wore a breath restricting neck tie to work everyday and drove a car that cleaned out small Middle Eastern countries or entire Alaskan wetlands just on the morning commute, they were closer to nature. The wood did that for them. The pine fresh scent wasn't good enough for them. It was a facade. A Fake. A phony. A big, fat, phony fake. That's what the title of the post is. A giant fake wood exterior on the station wagon of my life! AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.
Now you go watch some reruns of Dennis Miller era SNL or force yourself to sit through one of Rush Limbaugh's shows (which is not recommended for your health or sanity) and try one more time, buddy.
Pffft, amateur.
o.O how long did that take you to write?
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you are now my idol
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