Stupid Instructions
Thu Jun 17, 2004 6:54 am
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
If you know anymore post them.
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
If you know anymore post them.
Thu Jun 17, 2004 10:35 am
There's an entire website of those, but I can't think of the URL.
On a package of Pop-tarts: Hot when heated.
It's similar to one already up there, but it's different.
On a package of Pop-tarts: Hot when heated.
It's similar to one already up there, but it's different.
Thu Jun 17, 2004 1:58 pm
there was one on a pram, remove child before folding
Thu Jun 17, 2004 2:30 pm
Those are funny. I've seen them repeatedly in the nick message boards though.
Thu Jun 17, 2004 3:57 pm
Hehe, they're hillarious! 
Thu Jun 17, 2004 7:23 pm
Isn't there an entire website dedicated to this?
Thu Jun 17, 2004 7:42 pm
Drama Queen wrote:Isn't there an entire website dedicated to this?
As I said earlier, there is (probably several). I just forget the URL right now.
Thu Jun 17, 2004 9:20 pm
On a camera: This camera only works when there is film inside.
On a steering-wheel lock: Warning -- remove lock before driving.
Dog shampoo:
do not feed contents to fish!
microwave oven:
do not use for drying pets
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notice.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
'Fits one head.'
On a bottle of spray paint: "Do not spray in your face."
On a box of household nails: CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!
on a can of Woolite carpet cleaner: "Safe for carpets, too!"
On a steering-wheel lock: Warning -- remove lock before driving.
Dog shampoo:
do not feed contents to fish!
microwave oven:
do not use for drying pets
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notice.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
'Fits one head.'
On a bottle of spray paint: "Do not spray in your face."
On a box of household nails: CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!
on a can of Woolite carpet cleaner: "Safe for carpets, too!"
Thu Jun 17, 2004 9:38 pm
lol, thats so funny!
Thu Jun 17, 2004 9:58 pm
I have seen these a million times, and theyr still funny 
Fri Jun 18, 2004 1:36 am
It's amazing how people at those big companies seem to miss things like that. Seems really unprofessional. 
Fri Jun 18, 2004 2:27 am
Yeah, but they have to put those warnings. Remember the lady who sued McDonald's because she burnt herself when her coffee spilled, and there was no warning that it was hot? Or the guy who thought the Winnebago would drive itself if he put it on cruise, and then later sued the company that makes Winnebago's when he crashed?
Fri Jun 18, 2004 4:26 am
hahahaha! Those are hillarious!
I love this one:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
*walks away laughing*
I love this one:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
*walks away laughing*
Re: Stupid Instructions
Thu Jun 24, 2004 12:28 pm
StormCloude wrote:On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
Those are my favorites! I especially love the Superman and Korean knife ones.
Thu Jun 24, 2004 12:39 pm
StormCloude wrote:On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
That one's just to cover themselves. Even though it's painfully obvious, some person may still try and sue them. This way, they're safe.
Stupid thing I found on a can of Homebrand Fly Spray:
"Do not spray in fish tank"
o.O
It also gets permanent marker off a whiteboard. Betcha didn't know that
