Student Suspended Over Suspected Use of PHP

[xjox]

Found this by accident, beware!

Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP.

"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB."
Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."

In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.

Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!"

PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous. It is believed that many users started by using Perl and moved on to the more powerful PHP. For more information on how to recognize if your child may be using PHP visit php.net.

*Giggles*

[Qanda]

Did I arrive at the joke board or is that article for real?

[Robert]

At first I started to belive the article, but by the end you can tell it is a joke one Funny still

[Shifty]

Lol That would be so sad if it were true....

It isn't a true story, is it?

[xjox]

It was posted in the news section of a website... Im 99% convinced its a spoof but hey you never know, it could be true!

Sorry mods, if you think it fits in better in the joke section please move it there...

[Kugetsu]

I read the title and was wondering why the heck a student would get suspended over that something like that. Then I read the article. It's hilarious and sounds like something that would happen at my school (really...).

[Twizzler0171]

Sounds like something that would happen at my siblings school! Except for the locker part... but then, maybe the high school? :/

That was really funny, though. I'm gonnu have to show my dad!

[Jens]

LOL

at first i thought it was true... yet by the end it was a little too obvious it's a joke

[galonski64]

I can belive that can really happen, lol

[sirclucky]

Lol. Thats hallirous. I figgure its a spoof though... i just cant picture that happening.

[galonski64]

Are you kidding, This stuff happen in schools all the time. One time i said I like the heroion very much, and there were at least a whole day discucusion that i use drugs, lol. But I was talking about a metroid game, lol.

[WIS]

Hah! That is hilarious! If only it were a real article! xD

[Eo]

O.O I dunno... I'm thinking it could be real, with the zero-tolerance idiots in Denver!

Well, COULD be real. This instance probably isn't, judging by the second-to-last paragraph.

[Jen]

Heh.. Sounds like something that would definately happen around here.

A friend of mine got suspended because she showed me this pill bottle full of plant fertilizer just as the teacher walked past. Teacher thought it was pot so she took it away and suspended her, no questions asked or examination of the 'pot'. Haha. People are so smart it hurts.

[Urthdigger]

When I saw the title, I wondered "Why do I recognize that? I'm not into drugs." It was partway through the first few sentences that I remembered why. Hehe, pretty funny