Mysteries of Life
Wed Feb 09, 2005 1:38 am
MYSTERIES OF LIFE
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat?
3. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and noone cares, why is there a song about him?
5. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
6. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
7. What do you call male ballerinas?
8. Can blind people see their dreams?
9. Why ARE Trix only for kids?
10. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
11. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker?'
12. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
13. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
14. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
15. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
16. Why do the alphabet song and 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' have the same tune?
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat?
3. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and noone cares, why is there a song about him?
5. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
6. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
7. What do you call male ballerinas?
8. Can blind people see their dreams?
9. Why ARE Trix only for kids?
10. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
11. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker?'
12. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
13. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
14. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
15. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
16. Why do the alphabet song and 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' have the same tune?
Wed Feb 09, 2005 2:04 am
Why to ships carry cargo and cars carry shipments?
Why to cars drive on parkways and park in driveways?
Who was the first person who looked at a chicken and said "im gonna eat the next thing that comes out of that birds rear end"
Why to cars drive on parkways and park in driveways?
Who was the first person who looked at a chicken and said "im gonna eat the next thing that comes out of that birds rear end"
Wed Feb 09, 2005 3:11 am
If the plural of goose is geese, why isn't the plural of moose meese?
Wed Feb 09, 2005 7:40 am
2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat?
Because toast isn't the only thing to go into a toaster, and there might be something else that you would need to cook at that setting.
5. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Because that would end the series.
7. What do you call male ballerinas?
Male ballerinas?
8. Can blind people see their dreams?
Yes, but they would look considerably different than ours if they had been blind all their lives. If they had once been able to see, their dreams might look somewhat like ours.
16. Why do the alphabet song and 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' have the same tune?
Because the person that made the second song that came out was too lazy to make their own tune.
Why is it that everyone on Futurama seems to know everything that has happened in the last 1000 years?
Because toast isn't the only thing to go into a toaster, and there might be something else that you would need to cook at that setting.
5. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Because that would end the series.
7. What do you call male ballerinas?
Male ballerinas?
8. Can blind people see their dreams?
Yes, but they would look considerably different than ours if they had been blind all their lives. If they had once been able to see, their dreams might look somewhat like ours.
16. Why do the alphabet song and 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' have the same tune?
Because the person that made the second song that came out was too lazy to make their own tune.
Why is it that everyone on Futurama seems to know everything that has happened in the last 1000 years?
Re: Mysteries of Life
Wed Feb 09, 2005 8:23 am
Maroon wrote:MYSTERIES OF LIFE
10. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
XD! So true! So true!
Re: Mysteries of Life
Wed Feb 09, 2005 3:57 pm
watericesage wrote:Maroon wrote:MYSTERIES OF LIFE
10. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
XD! So true! So true!
it wasnt about the food!
it was about that flippin blue.. thing
yeah you know of whom i speak.
it was about getting the one thing in poor whylies life that had evaded him, that one true test of his metal.
Wed Feb 09, 2005 4:10 pm
I know some of these!
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
A farmer. xP
2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat?
In case of an alien invasion.
3. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Thats because dogs are silly
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and noone cares, why is there a song about him?
MWAHAHA! I know! Because it was about freedom and slaves and stuff and when there were no slaves and little Jimbob could take out a hammer and crack corn with it any time he liked
5. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Because he's a coconutologist? XD
6. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Goofy is goofy, so is thus a goofy dog and isn't normal
7. What do you call male ballerinas?
A ballerina man.
8. Can blind people see their dreams?
Yus. It's all in ze headzeee!
9. Why ARE Trix only for kids?
What's Trix?
10. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Because he's silly
11. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker?'
No idea.
12. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Depends what he's talking about.
13. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
Because we can.
14. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
..Haha, good one. I'm stumped XD
15. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Probably.
16. Why do the alphabet song and 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' have the same tune?
Because the aliens made the alphabet song, and wanted to sing about their native planet.
YAAAY! Good ones.
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
A farmer. xP
2. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat?
In case of an alien invasion.
3. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Thats because dogs are silly
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and noone cares, why is there a song about him?
MWAHAHA! I know! Because it was about freedom and slaves and stuff and when there were no slaves and little Jimbob could take out a hammer and crack corn with it any time he liked
5. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Because he's a coconutologist? XD
6. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Goofy is goofy, so is thus a goofy dog and isn't normal
7. What do you call male ballerinas?
A ballerina man.
8. Can blind people see their dreams?
Yus. It's all in ze headzeee!
9. Why ARE Trix only for kids?
What's Trix?
10. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Because he's silly
11. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker?'
No idea.
12. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Depends what he's talking about.
13. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
Because we can.
14. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
..Haha, good one. I'm stumped XD
15. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Probably.
16. Why do the alphabet song and 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' have the same tune?
Because the aliens made the alphabet song, and wanted to sing about their native planet.
YAAAY!
Good ones.
Wed Feb 09, 2005 6:08 pm
Here are a few more:
17. Why is it called "Light Beer" if it weighs the same?
18. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
19. Why is it called a building if it's already built?
20. Why does my can of beans have a picture of beans, but my jar of baby food have a picture of a baby?
21. How do fools get money in the first place?
22. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
23. How do you prove Murphy's Law? And if you DO prove it, does that also disprove it?
24. If love is blind, why sell decorated lingerie?
25. Why is there Braille on parking garage elevators?
26. Aren't all loops endless?
27. Why do you wear pairs of pants, but you can't buy just one pant?
28. Who's the fool who lived in a glass house and filled it with rocks in the first place?
29. Is Schrodinger dead?
30. Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." Does that mean politicians don't exist?
17. Why is it called "Light Beer" if it weighs the same?
18. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
19. Why is it called a building if it's already built?
20. Why does my can of beans have a picture of beans, but my jar of baby food have a picture of a baby?
21. How do fools get money in the first place?
22. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
23. How do you prove Murphy's Law? And if you DO prove it, does that also disprove it?
24. If love is blind, why sell decorated lingerie?
25. Why is there Braille on parking garage elevators?
26. Aren't all loops endless?
27. Why do you wear pairs of pants, but you can't buy just one pant?
28. Who's the fool who lived in a glass house and filled it with rocks in the first place?
29. Is Schrodinger dead?
30. Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." Does that mean politicians don't exist?
Thu Feb 10, 2005 1:24 pm
19. Why is it called a building if it's already built?
because its actually a structure. blame the Y generation i guess
20. Why does my can of beans have a picture of beans, but my jar of baby food have a picture of a baby?
because you buy very weird beans
21. How do fools get money in the first place?
from lesser fools (AKA: foos
22. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
the skin pigment of a smurf suggests you wouldnt be able to tell what colour there blood is, ergo: they wouldnt change colour
23. How do you prove Murphy's Law? And if you DO prove it, does that also disprove it?
murphy, the guy who said "friendly fire aint" right?
24. If love is blind, why sell decorated lingerie?
love may be blind, but many men arent.
25. Why is there Braille on parking garage elevators?
the same reason there is a note on my bank statement saying "if you require this letter in braille please phone..
26. Aren't all loops endless?
broken ones arent
28. Who's the fool who lived in a glass house and filled it with rocks in the first place?
a very big fool, or one who needs to wieght down some plants.
29. Is Schrodinger dead?
no, his cat box said there needs to be outside observation for somthing to be dead, there was outside observation at his death, ergo: the RSPCA's biggest nightmare is dead
30. Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." Does that mean politicians don't exist?
oh they think.
just not good things
because its actually a structure. blame the Y generation i guess
20. Why does my can of beans have a picture of beans, but my jar of baby food have a picture of a baby?
because you buy very weird beans
21. How do fools get money in the first place?
from lesser fools (AKA: foos
22. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
the skin pigment of a smurf suggests you wouldnt be able to tell what colour there blood is, ergo: they wouldnt change colour
23. How do you prove Murphy's Law? And if you DO prove it, does that also disprove it?
murphy, the guy who said "friendly fire aint" right?
24. If love is blind, why sell decorated lingerie?
love may be blind, but many men arent.
25. Why is there Braille on parking garage elevators?
the same reason there is a note on my bank statement saying "if you require this letter in braille please phone..
26. Aren't all loops endless?
broken ones arent
28. Who's the fool who lived in a glass house and filled it with rocks in the first place?
a very big fool, or one who needs to wieght down some plants.
29. Is Schrodinger dead?
no, his cat box said there needs to be outside observation for somthing to be dead, there was outside observation at his death, ergo: the RSPCA's biggest nightmare is dead
30. Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." Does that mean politicians don't exist?
oh they think.
just not good things
Thu Feb 10, 2005 2:40 pm
Here's mine.
Why, when driving around looking for an address do you turn the radio down?
Why, when driving around looking for an address do you turn the radio down?
Thu Feb 10, 2005 2:50 pm
Setekh wrote:23. How do you prove Murphy's Law? And if you DO prove it, does that also disprove it?
murphy, the guy who said "friendly fire aint" right?
No, Murphy said, "If anything can go wrong, it will, and at the worst possible moment." He was a USAF engineer.
Thu Feb 10, 2005 7:52 pm
17. Why is it called "Light Beer" if it weighs the same?
Because it's referring to the color of it.
Why do movies seem shorter the second time you watch them?
Because it's referring to the color of it.
Why do movies seem shorter the second time you watch them?
Thu Feb 10, 2005 8:21 pm
LaceyJade wrote:17. Why is it called "Light Beer" if it weighs the same?
Because it's referring to the color of it.
Why do movies seem shorter the second time you watch them?
Because you aren't trying to cram in every little scene into your skull.
Thu Feb 10, 2005 8:26 pm
Why are "Two heads better than one", yet "four-eyes" is an insult?
Fri Feb 11, 2005 12:08 am
Some of those are really funny. Here are the ones I know.
1. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
2. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going
as ghosts but as mattresses?
3. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
4. Is there another word for synonym?
5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"
6. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
7. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
9. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?
11. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
12. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
13. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
14. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
15. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
16. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
19. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
20. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
21. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
22. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
23. Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards
is Naive?