Some funny signs, excuses and headlines

[kiay]

The following is (purported to be) a collection of actual excuse
notes from parents, including the spelling, from the Office of
Educational Assessment at the University of Washington.

>Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with
>gramps.
>Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her
>funeral
>Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out
>of a tree and misplaced his hip
>Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to
>get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we
>thought it was Sunday
>Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
>My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today.
>Please execute him.
>Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her
>shot
>Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30,
>31, 32, and also 33.

Crazy (But True?) Headlines

Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Hershey Bars Protest
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
>Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


FOREIGN SIGNS
THESE ARE ACTUAL SIGNS POSTED IN VARIOUS PUBLIC ESTABLISHMENTS
AROUND THE WORLD. THESE ARE EXAMPLES OF HOW TRANSLATION BETWEEN
LANGUAGES CAN BE VERY CONFUSING.

>In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only
>when lit up.
In a hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you
>are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
>In a hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the
>office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
>In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
>monastry: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian
>and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
>Thursday.
>On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red
>beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted
>duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's
>fashion.
>At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any
>suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
>Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
>Stop: Drive Sideways.

[.:Requiem:.]

Snort. Oddly enough, the only that got me to actually laugh was the hurricane/cemetary one...despite the fact that ive seen it well over a hundred times.

XD

[sirclucky]

Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Hershey Bars Protest
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
>Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

I love those things . My favortie of all of them:

Twin sisters reunited after 9 years in grochery isle.

[Qanda]

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

Priceless. There were many other funny ones there too. This form of jokes (plays on language) are the ones I appreciate best.

[sir_michael]

These are hilarious, I like this one,

>At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any
>suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

[Blake]

Those were....erm......can you find a strong word for funny other than hilarious? I especially like this one:
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30,
>31, 32, and also 33

Where'd you get them?

[xjox]

They were great! I've seen a couple of them before but they still made me giggle!

[AFI_Sorrow]

>Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to
>get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we
>thought it was Sunday

That was the best one. ^__^ Sad thing is, I'm sure this has happened to more than one person. Heeeheeheee.

[CodenameSplinter]

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.


That one was the funniest!

[kiay]

Those were....erm......can you find a strong word for funny other than hilarious? I especially like this one:
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30,
>31, 32, and also 33

Where'd you get them?

A friend send it to me

[Maroon]

LOL the One were Lisa was sick and The mom had her shot!! I thought that was HILARIOUS!!!

Good Jokes

[sgstvoy]

Haha! I liked them all!

>Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with
>gramps.

>Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her
>funeral

Poor Sally. She's dead and she still needs to attend school.

>Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out
>of a tree and misplaced his hip

lol Misplaced hip?

>Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to
>get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we
>thought it was Sunday

I wish I could use this excuse!

>Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I don't get this one...

>Please execute him.

LOL!

>Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her
>shot

Heh no comment

[Nessa]

My neighbors note for her daughter:

"Sarah was not at school on Friday because she was watching Oprah with her dad."

[rageaholic]

>Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to
>get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we
>thought it was Sunday

That was the best one. ^__^ Sad thing is, I'm sure this has happened to more than one person. Heeeheeheee.

Haha, I liked that the best too. I could totally see my sister doing something like that.

[Chipper]

These are all so funny I liked the head lines

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

LOL before or after???