:o Classified Ads
Wed Jul 27, 2005 4:07 am
Blundered Classifieds (Part I)
1. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
2. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
3. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
4. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
5. No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
Oddball Classified Ads (Part II)
6. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
7. Dog for sale: eats anything and is especially fond of children.
8. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
9. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
10. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
More Mangled Classifieds (Part III)
11. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.
12. Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
13. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
14. For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
15. Man, honest. Will take anything.
And Finally, Flubbed Up Classified Ads (Part IV)
16. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
17. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
18. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
19. 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
20. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
1. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
2. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
3. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
4. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
5. No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
Oddball Classified Ads (Part II)
6. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
7. Dog for sale: eats anything and is especially fond of children.
8. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
9. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
10. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
More Mangled Classifieds (Part III)
11. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.
12. Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
13. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
14. For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
15. Man, honest. Will take anything.
And Finally, Flubbed Up Classified Ads (Part IV)
16. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
17. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
18. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
19. 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
20. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Wed Jul 27, 2005 4:12 am
Omg. That is FUNNY. 
Re: :o Classified Ads
Tue Aug 16, 2005 10:44 am
_jade_em_ wrote:Blundered Classifieds (Part I)
1. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
7. Dog for sale: eats anything and is especially fond of children.
8. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
11. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.
13. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
15. Man, honest. Will take anything.
16. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
17. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
19. 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
20. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
LOL i got a chuckle or a laugh out of these ones!
Tue Aug 16, 2005 2:08 pm
My favorite classified of all time is "For Sale: Refrigerator. Wife was frigid enough."
Wed Aug 17, 2005 10:08 pm
ROFL! My favorite was the children $2.00 one! And the stock up and save, limit one. In a flyer that I once saw it said "4 for $5.00. Limit 2".
Re: :o Classified Ads
Wed Aug 17, 2005 11:12 pm
_jade_em_ wrote:Blundered Classifieds (Part I)
1. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
2. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
3. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
4. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
5. No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
Oddball Classified Ads (Part II)
6. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
7. Dog for sale: eats anything and is especially fond of children.
8. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
9. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
10. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
More Mangled Classifieds (Part III)
11. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.
12. Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
13. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
14. For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
15. Man, honest. Will take anything.
And Finally, Flubbed Up Classified Ads (Part IV)
16. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
17. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
18. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
19. 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
20. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
LOL
every so often really jay leno does these