bet you cant make me laugh!
Fri Jul 02, 2004 12:01 am
i barely ever laugh
Fri Jul 02, 2004 12:56 am
A man walked into a bar. Ouch!
A man woke up and found himself dead.
Here are some little jokes from a thread created a LOOOOONG time ago:
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?
Because it was too tired!
So, a termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bartender here?"
Why did Susie fall out of the tree?
Susie was a pear.
Why did Fred fall off his bicycle?
Because a fridge hit him.
Q) What's brown and sticky?
A) A stick.
Q) What's white and can't climb trees?
A) A refrigerator.
Q) What's green, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree and landed on you it would kill you?
A) A pool table.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Batman
Batman Who?
Batman!
Q: When is a queen not a queen?
A: When she's a ruler. (badum-CHING!)
Q: What's Mary short for?
A: She's got no legs.
A dog lost his nose.
How did he smell?
Terrible!
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station!
Two guys walked into a store, AND ONE OF THEM HAD A SHOE!!!!!!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Knock knock
Who's there?
i can't reach the doorbell!
Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was assaulted.
When's a door not a door?
When it's ajar!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
When is a martian a mother?
When she is looking for a leader of soda.
Knock knock
I don't have a door, remember?
Why did the animal cross the road?
He wanted to find out what all the hype was with Animal Crossing.
If a hippo brushes his teeth while a martian abducts a farmer, what happens?
Dunno.
How many orthodontists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.
Why did Johnny die?
Because he held his breath too long.
What is a smiley if it isn't smiling?
Weird.
What goes bounce, ouch! Bounce, ouch! And so on?
A Kangaroo in a room with a low ceiling.
What's green and jumps up and down?
A cabbage on a trampoline.
What is yellow and good at math?
A banana with a calculator.
What goes up slow and down fast?
An elephant in an elevator.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk!
What did the first stick say to the other stick?
Stop sticking around me.
A man woke up and found himself dead.
Here are some little jokes from a thread created a LOOOOONG time ago:
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?
Because it was too tired!
So, a termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bartender here?"
Why did Susie fall out of the tree?
Susie was a pear.
Why did Fred fall off his bicycle?
Because a fridge hit him.
Q) What's brown and sticky?
A) A stick.
Q) What's white and can't climb trees?
A) A refrigerator.
Q) What's green, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree and landed on you it would kill you?
A) A pool table.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Batman
Batman Who?
Batman!
Q: When is a queen not a queen?
A: When she's a ruler. (badum-CHING!)
Q: What's Mary short for?
A: She's got no legs.
A dog lost his nose.
How did he smell?
Terrible!
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station!
Two guys walked into a store, AND ONE OF THEM HAD A SHOE!!!!!!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Knock knock
Who's there?
i can't reach the doorbell!
Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was assaulted.
When's a door not a door?
When it's ajar!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
When is a martian a mother?
When she is looking for a leader of soda.
Knock knock
I don't have a door, remember?
Why did the animal cross the road?
He wanted to find out what all the hype was with Animal Crossing.
If a hippo brushes his teeth while a martian abducts a farmer, what happens?
Dunno.
How many orthodontists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.
Why did Johnny die?
Because he held his breath too long.
What is a smiley if it isn't smiling?
Weird.
What goes bounce, ouch! Bounce, ouch! And so on?
A Kangaroo in a room with a low ceiling.
What's green and jumps up and down?
A cabbage on a trampoline.
What is yellow and good at math?
A banana with a calculator.
What goes up slow and down fast?
An elephant in an elevator.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk!
What did the first stick say to the other stick?
Stop sticking around me.
Fri Jul 02, 2004 2:34 pm
Why did the animal cross the road?
He wanted to find out what all the hype was with Animal Crossing.
I wrote that one!
He wanted to find out what all the hype was with Animal Crossing.
I wrote that one!
Fri Jul 02, 2004 2:53 pm
Tested wrote:Why did the animal cross the road?
He wanted to find out what all the hype was with Animal Crossing.
I wrote that one!
Yeah, you must have posted on the thread that I got all those jokes from.
Sat Jul 03, 2004 1:08 pm
Question: How To confuse and idiot?
Answer: 39
Question: It's gray and when it falls out of a tree in your eye, it hurts. What is it?
Answer: A helicopter
Question: It's red and round?
Answer: A red kiwi
Question: It's yellow and long but no banana?
Answer: An undercover banana
Answer: 39
Question: It's gray and when it falls out of a tree in your eye, it hurts. What is it?
Answer: A helicopter
Question: It's red and round?
Answer: A red kiwi
Question: It's yellow and long but no banana?
Answer: An undercover banana
Sat Jul 03, 2004 4:19 pm
Ah, Cheese, the blatant randomness of those jokes delights me.
Sat Jul 03, 2004 6:33 pm
^_^ I like random jokes. They're just so...random. Helicopters...techically not just your eye would hurt if a helicopter fell on you, but your entire damn body. 
Sat Jul 03, 2004 9:13 pm
Emy-chan wrote:^_^ I like random jokes. They're just so...random. Helicopters...techically not just your eye would hurt if a helicopter fell on you, but your entire damn body.
I think the author might mean the little flying seed pods known as helicopters.
Sun Jul 04, 2004 1:22 pm
well yeah, but your eye would hurt too wouldn't it...?Emy-chan wrote:^_^ I like random jokes. They're just so...random. Helicopters...techically not just your eye would hurt if a helicopter fell on you, but your entire damn body.
Sun Jul 04, 2004 4:40 pm
Harry Potter and the Prisioner of Azkaban in 15 minutes wrote:THE MONSTER BOOK OF MONSTERS: *eats Harry’s face*
HARRY: I shall stomp on you and tie you up and name you Fizgig.
Mon Jul 05, 2004 12:55 am
lol funny jokes,
i wonda if dat dude laughed yet
i wonda if dat dude laughed yet
Mon Jul 05, 2004 10:05 am
Great jokes everyone
Mon Jul 05, 2004 10:15 am
What My Mother Taught Me
My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't stop I'll kick you right into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me INDIVIDUALISM
"If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?"
My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM
"Just LOOK at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me to RECOGNIZE BAD WEATHER SIGNS
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room!"
My mother taught me to DO TWO THINGS AT ONCE
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
Problem with Guys (Sorry about the sexist title >_<)
If you BOSS HIM AROUND you are like a NANNY TO HIM
If he bosses you he cares for you
If SMOKE you are a BAD GIRL
If he smokes he is a gentleman
If you GET GOOD GRADES it's LUCK
If he does its BRAINS
If you HATE HIM you're a SNOB
If he HATES YOU he is acting rightly
If you BREAK YOUR PROMISE you are TOTALLY UNTRUSTWORTHY
If he breaks his he is FORCED TO DO SO
If you DRESS NICELY he says you're trying to LURE HIM
If you don't you're from DUNGLAND
If you HURT HIM you are MEAN
If he HURTS YOU you are just too SENSITIVE!!!
Positives and Negatives
An English teacher says to the class that when someone speaks a double negative it is the same as a positive, and that there is no existing way of a double positive equaling a negative.
There is a short silence, then a sarcastic voice says, "Yeah, Right!"
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
George Bush's Answer:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want
to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The
chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle
ground here.
Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
greater services to the American people.
Martha Stewart's Answer:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
Ernest Hemingway's Answer:
To die. In the rain. Alone.
Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
Ralph Nader's Answer:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been
pollutedby unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach
the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was
crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
Jerry Seinfield's Answer:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think
to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all
over the place anyway?"
Pat Buchanan's Answer:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
John Lennon's Answer:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
Aristotle's Answer:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx's Answer:
It was a historical inevitability.
Saddam Hussein's Answer:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified
in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Voltaire's Answer:
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the
death its right to do it.
Captain Kirk's Answer:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder's Answer:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to
cross before you believe it?
Scully's Answer:
It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in
chickens.
Bill Clinton's Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by
chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
The Bible's Answer:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and
there was much rejoicing.
Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath
the chicken?
L.A.P.D.'s Answer:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Richard Nixon's Answer:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not
cross the road.
Buddha's Answer:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
Joseph Stalin's Answer:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
John Locke's Answer:
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
Albert Camus' Answer:
It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to
him.
The Pope's Answer:
That is only for God to know.
MC. Escher's Answer:
That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the
time.
George Orwell's Answer:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was
crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only
serving their interests.
Plato's Answer:
For the greater good.
Emily Dickenson's Answer:
Because it could not stop for death.
O.J. Simpson's Answer:
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Colonel Sanders' Answer:
I missed one?
My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't stop I'll kick you right into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me INDIVIDUALISM
"If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?"
My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM
"Just LOOK at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me to RECOGNIZE BAD WEATHER SIGNS
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room!"
My mother taught me to DO TWO THINGS AT ONCE
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
Problem with Guys (Sorry about the sexist title >_<)
If you BOSS HIM AROUND you are like a NANNY TO HIM
If he bosses you he cares for you
If SMOKE you are a BAD GIRL
If he smokes he is a gentleman
If you GET GOOD GRADES it's LUCK
If he does its BRAINS
If you HATE HIM you're a SNOB
If he HATES YOU he is acting rightly
If you BREAK YOUR PROMISE you are TOTALLY UNTRUSTWORTHY
If he breaks his he is FORCED TO DO SO
If you DRESS NICELY he says you're trying to LURE HIM
If you don't you're from DUNGLAND
If you HURT HIM you are MEAN
If he HURTS YOU you are just too SENSITIVE!!!
Positives and Negatives
An English teacher says to the class that when someone speaks a double negative it is the same as a positive, and that there is no existing way of a double positive equaling a negative.
There is a short silence, then a sarcastic voice says, "Yeah, Right!"
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
George Bush's Answer:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want
to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The
chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle
ground here.
Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
greater services to the American people.
Martha Stewart's Answer:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
Ernest Hemingway's Answer:
To die. In the rain. Alone.
Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
Ralph Nader's Answer:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been
pollutedby unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach
the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was
crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
Jerry Seinfield's Answer:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think
to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all
over the place anyway?"
Pat Buchanan's Answer:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
John Lennon's Answer:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
Aristotle's Answer:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx's Answer:
It was a historical inevitability.
Saddam Hussein's Answer:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified
in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Voltaire's Answer:
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the
death its right to do it.
Captain Kirk's Answer:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder's Answer:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to
cross before you believe it?
Scully's Answer:
It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in
chickens.
Bill Clinton's Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by
chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
The Bible's Answer:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and
there was much rejoicing.
Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath
the chicken?
L.A.P.D.'s Answer:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Richard Nixon's Answer:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not
cross the road.
Buddha's Answer:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
Joseph Stalin's Answer:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
John Locke's Answer:
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
Albert Camus' Answer:
It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to
him.
The Pope's Answer:
That is only for God to know.
MC. Escher's Answer:
That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the
time.
George Orwell's Answer:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was
crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only
serving their interests.
Plato's Answer:
For the greater good.
Emily Dickenson's Answer:
Because it could not stop for death.
O.J. Simpson's Answer:
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Colonel Sanders' Answer:
I missed one?
Mon Jul 05, 2004 3:20 pm
_jade_em_ wrote:If he does its BRAINS
Positives and Negatives
An English teacher says to the class that when someone speaks a double negative it is the same as a positive, and that there is no existing way of a double positive equaling a negative.
There is a short silence, then a sarcastic voice says, "Yeah, Right!"
Well, in our year, if a guy does get high grades (i.e. the guys in the top set), then he does have brains. Otherwise, they're all idiots. Idiots! I tell you!
omg! I love these two! And all the chicken ones
all your jokes crack me up (whee, let's see these roll together, scyncronized (sp?)!!)
Mon Jul 05, 2004 6:35 pm
just LOL'd on that oneFox Mulder's Answer:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to
cross before you believe it?
Scully's Answer:
It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in
chickens.
here's another one:
It's green and when it falls out of a tree it might break your fingers.
A Pingpong table
It's brown and it goes of a mountain
A Skiwi