Beer Troubleshooting
Sat Jul 03, 2004 6:55 pm
Beer Troubleshooting
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass held at incorrect angle.
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Action: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Fault: Glass empty.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.
Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
Fault: You have fallen over backward.
Action: Have yourself chained to the bar.
Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action: See above.
Symptom: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Action: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.
Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
Symptom: Room seems unusually dark.
Fault: Bar has closed.
Action: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.
Symptom: Truck suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
Action: Cover mouth.
Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and laughs.
Fault: You are dancing on the table.
Action: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
Symptom: Beer is crystal clear.
Fault: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Action: Punch him.
Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, and mind unusually clear.
Fault: You have been in a fight.
Action: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
Symptom: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party.
Action: See if they have free beer.
Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted.
Fault: The beer is too weak.
Action: Have more beer until your voice improves.
Symptom: Don't remember the words to the song.
Fault: Beer is just right.
Action: Play air guitar.
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass held at incorrect angle.
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Action: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Fault: Glass empty.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.
Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
Fault: You have fallen over backward.
Action: Have yourself chained to the bar.
Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action: See above.
Symptom: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Action: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.
Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
Symptom: Room seems unusually dark.
Fault: Bar has closed.
Action: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.
Symptom: Truck suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
Action: Cover mouth.
Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and laughs.
Fault: You are dancing on the table.
Action: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
Symptom: Beer is crystal clear.
Fault: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Action: Punch him.
Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, and mind unusually clear.
Fault: You have been in a fight.
Action: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
Symptom: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party.
Action: See if they have free beer.
Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted.
Fault: The beer is too weak.
Action: Have more beer until your voice improves.
Symptom: Don't remember the words to the song.
Fault: Beer is just right.
Action: Play air guitar.
Sat Jul 03, 2004 10:10 pm
lol! I was laughing the whole way down the page! 
Sat Jul 03, 2004 11:10 pm
I've heard this one before. Still loved it!
Sun Jul 04, 2004 5:39 am
LOL... That was great! I oppose alcoholism incredibly strongly... but it was still great. 
Sun Jul 04, 2004 10:32 pm
Ohh that's brilliant! It kept me chuckling! I love these things!
Sun Jul 04, 2004 11:44 pm
lol, that was brilliant!!
Mon Jul 05, 2004 1:06 am
That's a good one. Laughed the whole time! 
Re: Beer Troubleshooting
Mon Jul 05, 2004 1:51 am
[angel] wrote:Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Fault: Glass empty.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.
I like that one the best
Re: Beer Troubleshooting
Mon Jul 05, 2004 4:00 am
[angel] wrote:Symptom: Beer is crystal clear.
Fault: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Action: Punch him.
Symptom: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party.
Action: See if they have free beer.
My favorites, but they were all hilarious.
Mon Jul 05, 2004 3:01 pm
[angel] wrote:Symptom: Beer is crystal clear.
Fault: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Action: Punch him.
haha i like this one too ^^* Let's go violent! *achem*
Thu Jul 15, 2004 5:26 pm
This should be required reading for all college freshmen.
Thu Jul 15, 2004 5:33 pm
haha, those were hilarious! I don't think I have a favorite, I laughed at everyone!
Thu Jul 15, 2004 9:48 pm
Oh god! Those were EXCELLENT! I'm gonna memorize them! Heeheee
Fri Jul 16, 2004 8:19 am
Haha, those are very funny, I'll definately have to try and remember them! I have to admit my favourite one was the water to sober up though
Fri Jul 16, 2004 10:53 am
Haha, those were truelly funny. Thanks for making me laugh. This post seems sort of empty...umm...yeah. Thanks!