crazy and weird resume statements

[autechre]

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters (printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune magazine):

1. "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
5. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
11. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
12. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
13. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
14. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
15. "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
16. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
17. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
18. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
19. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
20. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
21. "Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
22. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
23. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions."
24. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
25. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
26. "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

[uniquelyput]

lol Those are unbelievable! I can't imagine someone putting those on their résumés. I wonder if they ever caught their mistake?

[Alex]

5. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

...

Tell me you'd put something like that on your resume. Hilarious.

[autechre]

personally, i am serious going to put this on mine :

26. "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

though not when applying for a job i really want, just a job to get experience or whatever lol. i do hope the person will have a sense of humor though..

[zorg]

HAHA I love those! Especiially the

21. "Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

[Alex]

HAHA I love those! Especiially the

21. "Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

Hehe, I missed that one.

My resume's kinda like that, there's *counts* 5 different schools on there. I really need to add a note saying, "No, I was not expelled from any of these schools!"

[Shoyru_Lover]

lol oh my goodness.

[vkceankraz]

I actually read through a whole bunch of some like those at monster.com when preparing my own resume. Some people really are hilarious... and if you had the nerve to put something like that on your resume, you are officially my hero.

[jess1]

lol graet!!

[Nani]

5. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

O... M... G...
*dies of laughter*

What sort of job was he replying for?

High score of 794 on Neopets.com's Meerca Chase."

[Neko]

Ouch...that's kinda sad and pathetic, but funny! XD

[.:Requiem:.]

I rare if if ever overlook details....

That cracked me up.

[Maroon]

LOL that is sooo funny!

[shapu]

I've seen number 20 before. It's actually a typo, not an intentional statement.

I love number 26, though.

[Bangel]

lol! Very nice. I can't imagine someone would really put that on a resume.