College Quotes 6...... Multiple Subjects
Sat Jul 24, 2004 12:16 pm
At the request of DiscordantNote I have put the next 3 topics of College Quotes into one post to keep this board from getting cluttered. I do have a few more categories that will be put on the next post, but it will be at most a week before I can get them posted. (It takes a long time for me to color the text and fix my errors, and I am working full time at night this summer which leaves me with a lack of time.)
********************
Brutally Honest
Why shouldn't you lie? Because the truth can be a whole lot funnier.
----------------------------
Peter: A sweatshirt. Thanks.
Mom: Oh, you don't like it?
Peter: I like it fine, I just don't show my emotions.
Allison: Yeah, is that why you cried on Thanksgiving?
-Opening Christmas presents and family secrets
Lauren: Maybe if my hair was longer I'd look better in hats.
Lisa: Maybe if you got plastic surgery you'd look better in hats, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven cause it looks like you smashed your face up pretty bad when you hit the ground!"
-Leesha, failing on a pickup line
"I hope he dies. Well, I hope he pays his rent for the rest of the semester and then dies."
-Tony, referring to his roommate
Samantha: Have you guys been playing this video game all day?
Chris M.: No, we put in a different game a few hours ago.
Scott M.: And I pooped a while ago.
Quick, check! Is my fat hanging over the seat?!"
-Lynzie R., every day in class
"The little desks aren't as comfortable as my bed."
-Gary, giving the professor his reason for not attending class
"You can keep knocking but you can't come in."
-Kevin, to his RA while drinking in his room
"I wish that they'd find a cure for Bobby's legs just so that I could cripple him again."
-John K.
Chris: I don't hate you Jimmy.
Jimmy: I don't hate you either, Chris.
Chris: We stink at lying.
Jimmy: Yes we do.
Shawn: Let's just drop her off here and make her walk.
Marty: She lives like four blocks away.
Shawn: Good, now I won't feel bad for making her walk.
Lee: Are you scared of me?
Bobby: No, I'm scared that you'll hit me and I'll blackout and start beating you to death.
"Dude, I was having the worst day today...then I thought to myself, hey, I could be Mike....and all my troubles vanished."-
Scott M., consoling himself in front of Mike
"She's about six cans short of a six-pack, isn't she?"
-Rob
---------------------------------
Dazed and Confused
Ummmmm... What?
---------------------------------
Ryan: What is your favorite color?
Matt: I don't know, I like Pirates of the Caribbean.. Woah ho, ho, ho... a pirates life for me.
"Man, I hate this level in real life."
-Jorge, while playing Mario Kart on Game Cube
"HEY!...What's the moon doing over THERE?!"
-Chris, out of nowhere while walking back to the dorms
NN: You're worthless!
Nick: Hmm, I have no rebuttal.
Bill: Yeah, he's like 7'6".
Rory: 7'6"?! That's almost 12' tall!
I'm a flying cow... Mooooo... Flap...."
-Amy
John: You know what cheers me up... finding pants.
Phil: What, like pants you lost?
John: No, just finding them with no memory of buying them... it's all a mystery to me.
Jennifer: What's that thing, you know, that blocks a road?
Brandon: You mean a "road-block"?
-Brandon, fooled into thinking he caught a dumb quote (try "barricade" buddy)
"Tomorrow is going to be a busy week."
-Brandon
"So like what's with all the chickens on campus, I'm like walking around and there's roosters at my feet? I feel like I'm in the jungle."
-B. L. (try farms buddy)
Ruben: Dude...I have to run a 10k tomorrow.
Matt: You have to run 10,000 miles?
"Take that Shane! Hahaha! Wait, you're not Shane!"
-Kyle, while beating up some guy in a public bathroom in Chicago
“Don’t look at me in that tone of voice!”
-Tony
"I'm SWIMMING in the FUTURE!"
-Ben, completely sober
"You mean we can commit laws?.....breaking laws?....crimes?"
-Adam, while crossing the Mississippi River trying to figure out what state he was in
"I knew I didn't have pockets in my boxers."
-Bobby, minimally clothed and reaching for his cell phone after it began ringing while he was laying on it
"They should make one-time use lighters that are really cheap, so if you lose them they won't be expensive to replace..."
-Jay, unaware of matches
"I wish my birthday was on Easter so it would be a different day every year."
-Cameron
Elizabeth: Hey! That's my underwear!
Christin: Hey! That's MY underwear!
-Dormmates discovering that panty raids against the person you room with don't work well
"A little pain never hurt anyone."
-Charla
"Run! Run like you ain't got no legs!!"
-R.J.'s drunkenly impaired Forrest Gump impression
---------------------------------
Deep Thoughts
I think, therefore I am. These college students think, therefore they are funny.
---------------------------------
Aaron: Bad parenting is bad parenting whether it be a bad car seat, dangling your kid outta a window, or holding them close to animals that would probably appreciate a bigger meal.
Seth: You know how to solve bad parenting? Aluminum foil. Just wrap the kid in it and all will be well.
-On practical parenthood
Amanda: Do you have any scissors?
Theron: No, but I have a knife. That's like half a pair of scissors.
"If you think about it, people that are handicapped from being too fat shouldn't get to park in normal handicapped spaces. They should have special spaces extra far away so they can walk their fat off."
-Nick, talking about some fat guy he knows
"Guys, I've noticed that when the sun comes out it gets warmer."
-Janie, commenting on the weather
"Maybe a pack of wild ducks will get into the gym and wreak havoc on everyone. Rabid ducks. Furiously quacking." -Amy, hoping she won't have to do her dance performance
"We should paint a cow purple. Just try to imagine what's going on in the farmers head when he sees just one of his cows are purple in the morning..."
-Ryan
"If you mess with the bean, you get the whole burrito."
-Larry, trying to sound intimidating
"I thought I was somewhere else."
-James L., explaining why he broke wind loudly in the presence of women
********************
Brutally Honest
Why shouldn't you lie? Because the truth can be a whole lot funnier.
----------------------------
Peter: A sweatshirt. Thanks.
Mom: Oh, you don't like it?
Peter: I like it fine, I just don't show my emotions.
Allison: Yeah, is that why you cried on Thanksgiving?
-Opening Christmas presents and family secrets
Lauren: Maybe if my hair was longer I'd look better in hats.
Lisa: Maybe if you got plastic surgery you'd look better in hats, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven cause it looks like you smashed your face up pretty bad when you hit the ground!"
-Leesha, failing on a pickup line
"I hope he dies. Well, I hope he pays his rent for the rest of the semester and then dies."
-Tony, referring to his roommate
Samantha: Have you guys been playing this video game all day?
Chris M.: No, we put in a different game a few hours ago.
Scott M.: And I pooped a while ago.
Quick, check! Is my fat hanging over the seat?!"
-Lynzie R., every day in class
"The little desks aren't as comfortable as my bed."
-Gary, giving the professor his reason for not attending class
"You can keep knocking but you can't come in."
-Kevin, to his RA while drinking in his room
"I wish that they'd find a cure for Bobby's legs just so that I could cripple him again."
-John K.
Chris: I don't hate you Jimmy.
Jimmy: I don't hate you either, Chris.
Chris: We stink at lying.
Jimmy: Yes we do.
Shawn: Let's just drop her off here and make her walk.
Marty: She lives like four blocks away.
Shawn: Good, now I won't feel bad for making her walk.
Lee: Are you scared of me?
Bobby: No, I'm scared that you'll hit me and I'll blackout and start beating you to death.
"Dude, I was having the worst day today...then I thought to myself, hey, I could be Mike....and all my troubles vanished."-
Scott M., consoling himself in front of Mike
"She's about six cans short of a six-pack, isn't she?"
-Rob
---------------------------------
Dazed and Confused
Ummmmm... What?
---------------------------------
Ryan: What is your favorite color?
Matt: I don't know, I like Pirates of the Caribbean.. Woah ho, ho, ho... a pirates life for me.
"Man, I hate this level in real life."
-Jorge, while playing Mario Kart on Game Cube
"HEY!...What's the moon doing over THERE?!"
-Chris, out of nowhere while walking back to the dorms
NN: You're worthless!
Nick: Hmm, I have no rebuttal.
Bill: Yeah, he's like 7'6".
Rory: 7'6"?! That's almost 12' tall!
I'm a flying cow... Mooooo... Flap...."
-Amy
John: You know what cheers me up... finding pants.
Phil: What, like pants you lost?
John: No, just finding them with no memory of buying them... it's all a mystery to me.
Jennifer: What's that thing, you know, that blocks a road?
Brandon: You mean a "road-block"?
-Brandon, fooled into thinking he caught a dumb quote (try "barricade" buddy)
"Tomorrow is going to be a busy week."
-Brandon
"So like what's with all the chickens on campus, I'm like walking around and there's roosters at my feet? I feel like I'm in the jungle."
-B. L. (try farms buddy)
Ruben: Dude...I have to run a 10k tomorrow.
Matt: You have to run 10,000 miles?
"Take that Shane! Hahaha! Wait, you're not Shane!"
-Kyle, while beating up some guy in a public bathroom in Chicago
“Don’t look at me in that tone of voice!”
-Tony
"I'm SWIMMING in the FUTURE!"
-Ben, completely sober
"You mean we can commit laws?.....breaking laws?....crimes?"
-Adam, while crossing the Mississippi River trying to figure out what state he was in
"I knew I didn't have pockets in my boxers."
-Bobby, minimally clothed and reaching for his cell phone after it began ringing while he was laying on it
"They should make one-time use lighters that are really cheap, so if you lose them they won't be expensive to replace..."
-Jay, unaware of matches
"I wish my birthday was on Easter so it would be a different day every year."
-Cameron
Elizabeth: Hey! That's my underwear!
Christin: Hey! That's MY underwear!
-Dormmates discovering that panty raids against the person you room with don't work well
"A little pain never hurt anyone."
-Charla
"Run! Run like you ain't got no legs!!"
-R.J.'s drunkenly impaired Forrest Gump impression
---------------------------------
Deep Thoughts
I think, therefore I am. These college students think, therefore they are funny.
---------------------------------
Aaron: Bad parenting is bad parenting whether it be a bad car seat, dangling your kid outta a window, or holding them close to animals that would probably appreciate a bigger meal.
Seth: You know how to solve bad parenting? Aluminum foil. Just wrap the kid in it and all will be well.
-On practical parenthood
Amanda: Do you have any scissors?
Theron: No, but I have a knife. That's like half a pair of scissors.
"If you think about it, people that are handicapped from being too fat shouldn't get to park in normal handicapped spaces. They should have special spaces extra far away so they can walk their fat off."
-Nick, talking about some fat guy he knows
"Guys, I've noticed that when the sun comes out it gets warmer."
-Janie, commenting on the weather
"Maybe a pack of wild ducks will get into the gym and wreak havoc on everyone. Rabid ducks. Furiously quacking." -Amy, hoping she won't have to do her dance performance
"We should paint a cow purple. Just try to imagine what's going on in the farmers head when he sees just one of his cows are purple in the morning..."
-Ryan
"If you mess with the bean, you get the whole burrito."
-Larry, trying to sound intimidating
"I thought I was somewhere else."
-James L., explaining why he broke wind loudly in the presence of women
Sat Jul 24, 2004 2:15 pm
All of them are so hilarious! especially the dazed and confused one XD
These are my favs (out of all the other favs. um, I don't make sense.)
NN: You're worthless!
Nick: Hmm, I have no rebuttal.
Sure don't. XD
John: You know what cheers me up... finding pants.
Phil: What, like pants you lost?
John: No, just finding them with no memory of buying them... it's all a mystery to me.
Ooooh yes, mystery.
Ruben: Dude...I have to run a 10k tomorrow.
Matt: You have to run 10,000 miles?
This reminds of me of the school's cross-country run. Not that we have to run that much.
“Don’t look at me in that tone of voice!”
-Tony
ER.
Elizabeth: Hey! That's my underwear!
Christin: Hey! That's MY underwear!
Hope that will not happen to me in Thailand XD
"Guys, I've noticed that when the sun comes out it gets warmer."
-Janie, commenting on the weather
No really??
And lastly
"Maybe a pack of wild ducks will get into the gym and wreak havoc on everyone. Rabid ducks. Furiously quacking."
HAHA Rabid ducks XD
Sat Jul 24, 2004 2:35 pm
Whaaaaaa! This is sooo Funny!
It made me laugh a lot!
Thank you!
It made me laugh a lot!
Thank you!
Sat Jul 24, 2004 4:01 pm
I have never laughed so hard in my whole life...I mean in a month...I have? What about a week?....Ok, I've never laughed so hard today.
Those quotes were hilarious though.
Those quotes were hilarious though.
Sun Jul 25, 2004 1:44 am
Those are soooo funny! My faves are:
Samantha: Have you guys been playing this video game all day?
Chris M.: No, we put in a different game a few hours ago.
Scott M.: And I pooped a while ago.
If you ask me, TMI!
I'm a flying cow... Mooooo... Flap...."
-Amy
That reminds me of me.
Ruben: Dude...I have to run a 10k tomorrow.
Matt: You have to run 10,000 miles?
*sweatdrop* ^0^
"Take that Shane! Hahaha! Wait, you're not Shane!"
-Kyle, while beating up some guy in a public bathroom in Chicago
I've done this lots of times. XD
If you mess with the bean, you get the whole burrito."
-Larry, trying to sound intimidating
That reminds me of my silly friend! XP
Samantha: Have you guys been playing this video game all day?
Chris M.: No, we put in a different game a few hours ago.
Scott M.: And I pooped a while ago.
If you ask me, TMI!
I'm a flying cow... Mooooo... Flap...."
-Amy
That reminds me of me.
Ruben: Dude...I have to run a 10k tomorrow.
Matt: You have to run 10,000 miles?
*sweatdrop* ^0^
"Take that Shane! Hahaha! Wait, you're not Shane!"
-Kyle, while beating up some guy in a public bathroom in Chicago
I've done this lots of times. XD
If you mess with the bean, you get the whole burrito."
-Larry, trying to sound intimidating
That reminds me of my silly friend! XP
Mon Jul 26, 2004 10:20 am
I loved the messed-up pickup line.
*Takes notes*
*Takes notes*
Mon Jul 26, 2004 3:32 pm
Haha, those were all hilarious!!! Haha
My favorites were
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven cause it looks like you smashed your face up pretty bad when you hit the ground!"
-Leesha, failing on a pickup line
I really like this one!!"I hope he dies. Well, I hope he pays his rent for the rest of the semester and then dies."
-Tony, referring to his roommate
Oo! Oo! I LOVE this one!!Samantha: Have you guys been playing this video game all day?
Chris M.: No, we put in a different game a few hours ago.
Scott M.: And I pooped a while ago.
John: You know what cheers me up... finding pants.
Phil: What, like pants you lost?
John: No, just finding them with no memory of buying them... it's all a mystery to me.
Hehe, I like this one!"I'm SWIMMING in the FUTURE!"
-Ben, completely sober
"If you think about it, people that are handicapped from being too fat shouldn't get to park in normal handicapped spaces. They should have special spaces extra far away so they can walk their fat off."
-Nick, talking about some fat guy he knows
Haha
Wed Jul 28, 2004 3:18 pm
LOL... I need a percentage on which ones of these were sober... I'd guess it would be fairly low.
Sat Jul 31, 2004 1:18 pm
Those are so smurfing hillarious!
I can't stop laughing... litterally... I am gunna use those at school
I love the Purple Cow one though1
I can't stop laughing... litterally... I am gunna use those at school
I love the Purple Cow one though1
Sun Aug 01, 2004 3:54 am
Okay... why does this remind me of Buffy so much? Especially the ducks?
Sun Aug 01, 2004 4:45 am
162 wrote:Okay... why does this remind me of Buffy so much? Especially the ducks?
Probably because it sounds like something right out of their scripts. That's why I think it sounds that way anyway.
Sun Aug 01, 2004 4:50 am
*Nods* Yeah, that'd be it. 
Hehehe... Buffy.
Hehehe... Buffy.
Sun Aug 01, 2004 10:07 am
I wish I had a class like that! But the only quote I can remember right now is:
Laura: My friend from China called me yesterday!
Me: You mean... by phone?!
(me trying to sound interested
)
Sun Aug 01, 2004 10:48 pm
These aren't from my classes. They are from colleges all over the US.