Funny Quotes

[Ixistant]

The Funny Quote Thread! Thats right, post all funny quotes here. They can be from anyone, from Einstein to your baby brother! Well, here's one.

If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.

Do you have any?

[Insane Rubber Duck]

Ttch. I make these up all the time. They aren't exactly funny all the time, but very true.

The more tape you use, the less tape you'll have.

When in doubt, scream your head off until someone comes running asking: 'Are you OK? What's the matter??!' Then ask them to open a ketchup packet.

[Shippinator Mandy]

Me: What city are the Arizona Diamondbacks in?
Mom: Phoenix.
Me: Not Albuquerque?
Mom: Albuquerque's in New Mexico.
Me: Ah.

Well, you can whip people with enlongated leeks!

Bob: There was this man, and he'd been comatose for years. His wife sat by his bedside and talked to him as if he was awake. One day, she was eating lunch and told him how good the cherries were, and he woke up and said, "Can I have a cherry?"
Me: I'd make a Futurama reference, but I don't want people to hate me more than they do already.