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A little late for BTY, I know, but it's easy points once you get decent at it.
Read this aloud with a southern american accent. It makes it better.
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Greetings, lunkhead! You think you're ready to fly the finest piece of aircraft engineering that Meridell's farmers have ever assembled? You think you're ready to strap in and take on the finest pilots you'll ever be blessed to lay your ineffective eyes on?
Well, you aren't! You aren't nearly good enough to plant dandelions from a wheelbarrow, but for some reason, you've managed to sneak your way into my training class...and I am going to make you regret every instant of it. I will not tear you down and build you back up! I will tear you down and spit on your worthless husk of a body, meatbag! I will make you regret ever being born! And maybe you'll wash out, and do me a favor, so I don't have to look at your mis-shapen head anymore!
But, if you're convinced that the skies are purple, that Marge Schott is pretty, and that you can fly this bucket of bolts, then maybe you'll prove me wrong and do me proud.
But you should know, quarterwit, that nobody ever has. Not once.
Well, maggots, now that we've exchanged pleasantries, allow me to give you a basic tutorial of flying in the Skies over Meridell.
Point of the game
The point of the game is to not get shot down - if you get shot down, you are in a world of hurt, because you are not allowed to get shot down without permission! Do you get that? You may get shot down early, and think, "that's alright, I'll get an extra life later." No you will not. What are you, the undead? Are you Dracula? No! Do not get shot down, and I will not get as angry at you as I usually do.
The second point of the game is to be slightly less stupid than your opponent. At no point will you ever be smarter than he is, so don't even try. But if you can make him a little bit dumber than you, then you have the edge. Understand me?
Powerups
-Powerups come to you in balloons shaped like your head. Do not approach the balloons from the bottom! All that is there is death and sadness! And, even worse, you'll crash your airplane and I'll kick your sorry hide all the way to Timbuktu.
-The first and most important power up you will see is the extra life - shaped like an aeroplane, it looks just like your mother. Except prettier. Don't drop everything you're doing to get it, but don't ignore it either. You might want a few of these; I've seen you fly, and you're as likely to fly into a barn as to get off the ground.
-You might see a yellow dot with a white ring - it's worth ten points, unlike all of the other powerups, which are worth five. It doesn't do anything else, so it's low priority.
-When it comes to actually doing something with your aircraft, you will have four choices: the propeller, which makes your airplane faster, the cannonball, which makes your shots go farther, the pile of cannonballs, which gives you more shots every time you squeeze the trigger, and the flap, which improves your turning abilities.
Early training
The first level is not a live-fire exercise. Got that? You are to follow the other airplane at a decent distance - make vertical dives and climbs to space it out if you have to. Fly around and pick up power ups. If, by some miracle of fate, your opponent actually manages to be dumber than you and start shooting at you, you have permission to shoot him down and put him in his place. You may only do this twice, before you move on, so make sure you got some decent powerups on the way.
The second level is a live-fire training mission. Shoot down your opponent twice, and then repeat the first level. Be patient! Allow him to fly around and do nothing, while you improve your vehicle.
From the third level onward, it is a matter of survival. If you can keep yourself in the air, you might - and, I'm being generous here - might get a little bit of respect out of me. If you cannot, then you might as well start this whole process over and try again. Maybe you'll get it right the next time.
Some final tips
Your opponent does not have a sense of self-preservation. I fully expect that you do, and that you will use it. Do not fly into your opponent, and do not let him fly into you. Remember that speed kills. If your opponent is faster than you, he will blow right by you and give you the chance to cut him up from behind. But it also means that he may fly into your tailpipe - so pay attention!
Remember to always stay behind your opponent. Guns are in the front of airplanes, which means that he cannot shoot you from his rear, but you can shoot him Therefore, this is where you want to be. When you have shot down your opponent, especially in the later levels, come in low behind where he repops, and pull in right behind him. It makes it easier to shoot him down again.
If you need to make a tight turn, go up towards the top and bounce off of it - the ceiling will help you make turns that your stubby, ineffective thumbs will not.
Lastly, if you find yourself in front of the bad guy, get out of the way! Use the ceiling to bounce back away from him, then whip around and make him feel unwanted.
Good luck, mighty hunters. If I'm wrong about you, you'll come back in one piece. If I'm right...well, my paycheck's the same either way.
Last edited by shapu on Fri Jun 22, 2007 3:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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