Back-biting or public shaming?

[Robert]

People who criticise and put you down behind your back

If you are goning to critize someone, do it in front of them, don't chicken out and do it behind there back.

[Kitten Medli]

I really don't think it's anyones business to talk negative about me to anyone BUT me. As others said, if you have a problem with me tell me, not your friend's cousin's father's best friend's neighbor's dog.

EDIT: So, yeah, I chose the first one.

Last edited by Kitten Medli on Fri Feb 04, 2005 11:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

[Ammer]

I chose the second option: People who criticise and taunt you in public
I believe most people will chose the first option though.

The reason why I chose the second it because I'm very sensitive and subjective to peoples opinions. I can't take it when people criticise me. When I know they do, I worry and I mean A LOT. It's not healthy, I know.
I would rather not know about it, even if they do criticise me.
I can take critiques though, when I know it's true I do my best to change, but "mean" citiques, I'd rather not know about it....

Exactly what I was thinking.

[SpiraLethe]

I chose the second option: People who criticise and taunt you in public
I believe most people will chose the first option though.

The reason why I chose the second it because I'm very sensitive and subjective to peoples opinions. I can't take it when people criticise me. When I know they do, I worry and I mean A LOT. It's not healthy, I know.
I would rather not know about it, even if they do criticise me.
I can take critiques though, when I know it's true I do my best to change, but "mean" citiques, I'd rather not know about it....

Exactly what I was thinking.

The thing I see about the first option is that it's unrealistic. For one, it's someone else's business what they want to say to your face or not. No matter what, people will have some sort of opinion of you. Call it fake, a façade, etc, but it's also called manners. I'm not saying everyone should pretend to like each other, however it's unnecessary and rude to tell people just how much you dislike them (unless of course, they "started it" first, but that's a different story).

And what does the poll mean by "taunt"? If you went with the first option, are you saying that you'd rather have people publically humiliate and mistreat you than talk behind your back?

[Iashi]

Anything said behind your back can be defused later without confrontation. Any sort of public criticism can force a confrontation, which even though it can be minimized is still a confrontation. Unlike what most people here would probably think, I am not a confrontational person, so I would choose public criticism as being worse.

[WIS]

I'd rather be critisized in public than behind my back, then I'd have a chance of re-critisizing and thus continuing the chain of critisizing... O.o

[White_Wolf]

I think people who talk about you behind your back are worse. At least when it's to your face you're given the chance to explain yourself, show your side, or even taunt back.

[robot]

By all means, talk about me behind my back. I don't want to hear about it. Being teased in school was the worst thing that people could do to me. My face got bright red. I wasn't able to hide how much it bothered me. I just wanted to disappear. At least if someone is talking about me behind my back, I'm not there to listen to it.
Not that I think either is better than the other, but I'd rather not be confronted with it.

[Niyona]

Anything said behind your back can be defused later without confrontation. Any sort of public criticism can force a confrontation, which even though it can be minimized is still a confrontation. Unlike what most people here would probably think, I am not a confrontational person, so I would choose public criticism as being worse.

Exactly what I would say, but in prettier words

[Kuri]

I don't really like either, but I think I don't like it when people go behind my back more. If they have something to say at least be decent and say it to my face.

[Sapphire Faerie]

By all means, talk about me behind my back. I don't want to hear about it. Being teased in school was the worst thing that people could do to me. My face got bright red. I wasn't able to hide how much it bothered me. I just wanted to disappear. At least if someone is talking about me behind my back, I'm not there to listen to it.
Not that I think either is better than the other, but I'd rather not be confronted with it.

Ditto. I've experienced both. I've had the unpleasant experience of being publically taunted, and unless one has actually experienced it, they have no idea how bad it is.
When I look at the options... being criticized in public is one thing, and not necessarily that bad. Someone randomly telling you what they don't like about you in public (Example: "What crawled onto your hair and died?" or something of the sort) isn't all that bad. It gives you the option to retort with your own snarkie comment and then it's over.
Being taunted on the otherhand, is something no one should have to live through. Believe me. It's awful. I experienced times when multiple students were openly talking to the teacher about how much they hated being around me. While I was right there. And the teacher did nothing to stop it. And even worse things, which I'd rather not get into as they're still painful and embarrassing, even though that was years and years ago.
Being talked about behind my back? I'd welcome that over the other. We all have our own little opinions about eachother, good and bad, don't try to deny it. We may try to pretend to be perfect and only think good things about the people we know, but deep down we have opinions about eachother that we keep to ourselves. Usually anyway.
I've been known to talk about people behind their backs. Example: I know a girl, whom I'm friends with. We're not super-close, but we talk sometimes. Thing is, there's this one thing about her that I find extremely annoying. The thing doesn't come up often, so I leave well enough alone. I'll get over it eventually, but sometimes when it does come up, I feel the need to rant. So instead of telling her to her face, in public or in private, I go to a close friend, and have a miniature rant to them privately about the girl. Once I get it out of my system, I feel fine. And everyone's happy.
So yea, I wouldn't care if someone talked about me behind my back. Talk about me behind my back, do it as much as you like. As long as I don't have to hear it and be subject to the pain and humiliation, then I'm perfectly fine. Because just as I have every right to have an opinion about you, you have every right to have an opinion about me. And you also have every right to express it. I'd just rather it not be to my face.

[Eidolon]

I don't mind being talked about behind my back, I suppose....as long as it's not constantly. Like, I know my best friend does it. She just....does. And it doesn't bother me too much because I'm pretty sure she only does it when she's in a really nasty mood, but the rest of the time it's fine. Being publicly criticised is...*muses* I don't like it. If I'm right I'll fight tooth and nail to prove it, but I absolutely hate being wrong and if I'm wrong and somebody calls me on it, I just want to curl up in a corner, and I get all defensive and such. If it's a personal attack, I hate it too. I remember once in eighth grade, everyone was walking outside after class, and some guy (I think he was in my class) said "wow, it's bright out here, it hurts my eyes" and I was like "maybe it's the sun." I said it sarcastically, but not really mean-like...and then some girl I didn't even KNOW was like "maybe it's you." and she said it in a really snotty voice and I just kind of looked away. meh.

So, I voted for criticising and taunting in public.

[Asthaloth]

behind the back.
if they want to insult me, do it to my face, then prepare for my rebuttle.
no criticism could compare to what people have done to me.

[Pantaliamon]

That is a hard one. I'd rather someone say it to my face, but if they were actually *taunting* me in public, I would rather them just say it behind my back. I am a sore loser and I don't respond well to criticism like that; I tend to get angry and pouty and I lose all of my intelligence and resort to childish insults.

[Fiddelysquat]

I hate people who talk about you behind your back. At least if they're in front of you, you can lay the smack down if they try anything.