Pink Poogle Toy Forum

I totally agree too. Its really nice to see that you're happier in general than you used to be. It used to make me sad when i'd see your sad threads before as i'm hopeless at advice and there was nothing i could really do to help. so its really nice. (also i meant to tell you when you posted the photo but kep forgetting, i really like your new hairstyle! it really suits you!)

I don't entirely agree.

But, that's because something similar happened to me a few months ago> OK, it wasn't that similar, but at the end of it, I was cut off by somebody I cared about and liked very much, a very good friend. So I'm seeing it from that point of view.

It is rarely the best thing to do, and it is selfish. I woke up having had a nice, normal conversation with this person the night before- after months of being somewhat at loggerheads- to an e-mail basically saying no contact, at all. And that it was best for me.

I know some people on here have seen that e-mail - Twinkle and I think Rachel. And Jas and Alex? And you all agreed he was a prat, to use a less-strong word. I wonder if you guys remember...

Anyway, it was for different reasons, I guess. But the reasons were rubbish. It all centred on one thing that he thought about me, that I said wasn't true- but he didn't believe me. What could I do? Anyway. I was selfish. You know why? I didn't get a chance. I didn't get a chance to stick up for myself, to try and talk it through. No. he'd made uphis mind and I had to go with it. It was horrible and it still hurts, a lot. I miss my friend.

Ginger, I'm sorry he's hurt you that way. You have to try and see it this way- if he would behave like that he's probably not worth it in the long run. Seems to have a bit of a high opinion of himself anyway, just to assume you're using him as a crutch (I'm taking your word for it and assuming you're not, which is all I can do and I'm not about to accuse you of lying). It's hard though, to think like that about someone who until recently was a good friend.

I hope you feel happier soon.

Ginger, it sounds like maybe misunderstood your communication. You mentioned that you were starting to feel comfortable opening up to him and that's probably what he misunderstood as you using him as an emotional crutch. I don't think that confiding in somebody is the same as an emotoinal dependancy.

What may have happened is that perhaps the level of closeness is more than he was comfortable with, but he didn't understand how to communicate that properly, and instead freaked out.

At any rate, I would say that the frienship is not worth pursuing. Friends are people who will treat you well.

Maybe he thinks that you're taking too much and not giving enough. You know what I mean? Maybe he thinks that he's putting too much into the relationship and not getting anything back from you.

This is exactly what I was thinking. If he honestly thought that he was doing the "right thing", then he does not sound like someone positive to have in your life. Aren't friends supposed to provide emotional support?

I know it hurts. I lost one of my closest friends because she believed in a ridiculous rumor. Rather than talk to me about it, she simply severed our ties. The pain was immense, but as it subsided I came to realize that I was better off without her. Sometimes you put more into a friendship than the other person is willling to do, and those are not healthy friendships.

I know I'm a stranger, but I still wish you the best in luck

I agree with what has been said, that you have been in a much better mood lately then say a couple of months ago, and it's great to see that. I do have something to add. :\

If he has a reason to cut off ties with you, then there's really nothing you can do about it. If he's made up his mind, and feels he has a reason to do something like this, then, as difficult as it is, it's no one's place to question it. I do agree that the bit about the forums is a bit too much, so I don't understand that bit, he shouldn't have done that, unless, he really is freaking out (still uncalled for).

Assuming that this guy is telling the truth for a minute (not saying you're lying, just assuming he actually felt this way, regardless if it was your intentions or not). I have been in the type of relationship that he seems to have been describing, where a person is used as an emotional crutch. If he truly believed this (whether it was your intention or not), I can understand why he would try to stop it.

I've been in the situation as a crutch, and I can tell you, I was mentally drained every day and felt like a mindless drone after every conversation I had. In my case, every day, for quite a while, it would seem that this person had some sort of problem (mostly depression and even more severe things that I shan't mention). I had to erase all traces of my own opinion and just mindlessly agree with what they said, hoping that they wouldn't do something to themselves, and hoping that every time we talked, I wouldn't trigger something that would end up in them doing something drastic. Yes, it was possibly that severe.)

On top of that, I felt like a terrible person for having to pretend to agree with them on everything, even when I knew they were in the wrong, just to keep them from getting angry and taking it out on themself (or someone else). It was always "I hate this person" and an explanation why. Now I don't really hate anyone, but I agreed so that it didn't seem like I didn't care at all (I did care, but I didn't agree...) I've also realized that this is one of the worst things you can do to a person, to just listen to them and make them feel better when your heart isn't completely in it. (it's okay to do it, but never instigate a friendship or let them build a friendship based on it, if you're not committed. It won't work, for those people out there that would.)

I felt that it was like walking on landmines every time I talked to them, and it drove me absolutely nuts, almost to the point of having emotional break-downs myself, because the conversations would get so intense I would almost freak out when I saw them log off for a few days, worrying for those days, to see them come back later to repeat the process. It was very one sided, and I felt like less of a person for a while.

I won't go into any more detail, but It's quite possible that he feared cutting you off in the first place, but finally decided that it was better for both of you (and yes it can be better that he did do it) and wanted to finish it sooner than later. It would have been worse if he waited longer, and it would have been even more devestating for you, and him even.

My intention is not to try to make you feel bad, or to make him look like the "good guy" because, obviously, this situation is completely different (and there are no good guys). But, he made his decision, and if he truly thinks that it will help you in the future, then take it for what it's worth and use it, rather than being devastated by it. You can even hate him with all your being, so long as it helps you to fulfill whatever he thought he was going to accomplish by doing it (if he thought it was going to make you a better person, or less dependant, or whatever, use it to build yourself). Truthfully, doing something like that won't do anything by itself, and no good will come of it if the other person isn't willing to move on. The best thing you can do is just move on and try to erase him from your memory (as impossible as that may be).

Anyway, this may have been the way he felt, but admittingly, he probably brought this on himself (such as I may have). Unfortunately, too many people think these things are black and white, when they absolutely are not.

I haven't been entirely straight with you guys. Truth is, I'm not coping. I'm not coping at all. This has really affected me badly and I just feel as if I'm losing the plot. I woke up crying last night but managed to hold it together today. Today I am unable to cry. I just feel numb and tired and confused. To those who have seen improvements in me, that's because I've hidden my feelings. I've not changed or become stronger. I feel like I'm leading you all on and you don't deserve this. I posted just to get things off my chest. I didn't expect you all to be so kind. I half expected for you all to tell me to snap out of it. I know you're not horrible people, that's not what I'm saying. You all want me to help myself and that's a really good thing. I just feel so guilty about all of this.

I became obsessed about this person. I was stalking him, as many other people have put it. I believe them. I guess really I WAS using him as a crutch. I didn't think I was before, but just feeling this amount of pain has told me that I was. He's like a drug. Let's pretend he WAS a drug. I used this drug for years and have just come off it. Since then I've been having withdrawal symptoms and I will do anything to get back onto this drug. This is what it feels like for me. He did the right thing and I'm doing the wrong thing. It got me banned from the forum (for three days) so that is obvious that I'm the one in the wrong here.

I didn't tell you the full story because I was so ashamed of this, of myself, of this whole mess I've got myself into. Plus, I'm confused. In my head it feels like I'm doing the right thing and it didn't matter how many times I tried to look at it from someone elses perspective, from my friend's point of view, it still seemed to be the right thing and I saw myself as the victim and not him. People have told me over and over again that I'm actually doing the wrong thing and he was doing the right thing and I just don't know what to do. At the moment it feels like I'm stuck in limbo, or stuck in the middle of something really big and daunting. It doesn't matter where I turn, everything seems so dark and scary.

Also, I know deep down that there's something very wrong with me, and I've tried to get help but there are so many factors pushing me back. I don't want my mom to find out about me for instance, yet I depend on her so much and there's no way I could do this on my own. I've tried it before and she ended up finding out. Also, regarding what happened in the past when I saw a psychiatrist last year (she concluded there was nothing wrong with me) I'm worried the same thing is going to happen again and all this trouble I've gone to about getting help has all been in vain. Also, things happen when I'm on the brink of finally getting help. Today for example. After thinking about it, I had decided to make an appointment to see a doctor. Suddenly the phone rang. It was my work manager asking me to go into work straight away. I then had to rush about getting ready and all that, not having time to do anything else. Similar things have happened and they all get me to thinking that I'm not meant to get help. It feels like more than just co-incidence.

Anyway, there you have it. The whole shebang. I know how messed up I am and the reason I have written all of this is to let you all in out of the dark and make you realise what I am really like. Thank you for all of the advice you've given me. You're all so kind here, but I do believe I've been leading you all up the wrong path and I'm really sorry.

Ginger, I know this isn't easy to hear, but no one can help you--beyond the quick-fix sort of help that keeps you functioning from day to day--until you arrive at the point where you're really and truly ready to get help. I've been there before, in that terrible pit where you just keep sinking and you don't know how to get out, you don't understand what's wrong with yourself, and you're scrabbling for something or someone to hold on to. And for a time, maybe you'll find someone who will try to help you, but that person can't support you forever and they can't solve the problem or even hold it at bay for very long, and most of the time that person will eventually give up. I've seen it happen to other people and I've had it happen to me.
But you don't deserve this pain. You aren't paying for some terrible sin, and you're not supposed to have to live this way. I hope you can find that place inside you that makes you ready to get help soon.

I don't have much advice to give, but...



And I'm glad you liked the flowers

Wow, stalking isn't good. Though I still think it wasn't right for him to cut ties like that (he should've used the attachemtn you had on him to help you), there are certainly a few things you need to work out yourself. I'm not sure how much advice or comfort I can give to you that people haven't already said, so you can PM me if you want.

Also, go look at SL's last post. That thing he mentioned about not giving people your permission to hurt your feelings works well in any situation.

I honestly think that phrase is crap. Saying that to anyone who's been hurt by someone they trusted is just going to contribute to the feeling of guilt and the thoughts of, "Oh, I just let them do it so it's all my fault, and now I'm weak because I'm letting them take over my feelings."

You have lost someone you're close to. It's perfectly natural to grieve that loss, even if he was a jerk.

Hmm, aren't real friends supposed to be able to depend on one another? If he was feeling that way why didn't he actually talk to you about it instead of just cutting all ties? He's full of crap.

There is a difference between keeping someone from getting clingy and becoming their parent. This person crossed that line. Everyone has problems, and I'm sorry to say that I disagree. I think that all problems are easier to work out when you have someone to work them out with. Go Ginger!

I call people that are hurt in a way that isn't healed by time "wounded birds." If you've ever had a wounded bird as a friend, you know that you can't help them fix what's wrong unless they really want to. And a lot of wounded birds don't want to fix things. That's understandable, but even when you want to stay friends with them, you do eventually wind up breaking off friendships with wounded birds because so often you find yourself constantly supporting them--which takes up your life and your energy until you have nothing left to give anyone else, including yourself.

Yeah, I doubt anyone breaks it off because they actually want to, but after a certain point, there is little to no choice on the matter. Once you've given as much as you possibly can, even the "wounded bird" can sense that you're not as sincere as you once were, and it's no good for anyone (and even more devastating for them, if they don't think you care, when you actually do).

This type of thing is always a touchy subject, but in the end, it's up to the partys involved how they handle and resolve such things. :\ Unfortunately, there's not much else we can do besides give emotional support. :\

I'm not proud that I did something similar to what this guy has done, but I don't have any regrets on the results (because it didn't turn out badly). Still, no one should ever have to go through this sort of thing, someone just dumping a friend. It just seems to happen sometimes.

It just seems to happen?


I do agree with you about the emotional support. We all give you our support, Ginger. Remember that. We here at PPT are family, so we're exceptions to all of these rules that everyone is talking about. You always confide in family