Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
Actually, certain animals, especially snakes, drink from a cows udder. A person probably saw a Black Asp doing that and repeated the process.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would ever eat
So you can stick frozen bread in and it melts the ice and then cooks the bread decently
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
If I kicked large round balls at you each day you'd get mad but if you were playing Soccer you'd want them kicked towards you. It's all about whether you want it or not
If Jimmy cracks corn and noone cares, why is there a song about him?
Because the little school children way back then had to shut him up when he kept talking about it...they did it in song.
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
He's a radio professor 
...if a Doctor can remove and replace peoples organs how come he can't build a six story building ?? Specialisation my friend...
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Goofy had the better medical insurance...
What do you call male ballerinas?
Ballerinas
Can blind people see their dreams?
Can seeing people see nothing when they close their eyes ??
Why ARE Trix only for kids?
Because rabbits don't like adults
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Sponsorship my friend... Because it was more about the hunt than the kill. He has actually caught Road Runner before but let him go...
If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
A man is never wrong...he simply views life differently...
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
Ever try counting the stars ?? You'll find touching wet paint is a heck of a lot easier
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Nope. Moralitrons.
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Depends ?? Was Disney World created to catch and kill people ??
Why do the alphabet song and 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' have the same tune?
It's easier for little kids to learn
Why to ships carry cargo and cars carry shipments?
More importantly...if a Car is shipping a package and to do so it travels on a boat as cargo....
Why to cars drive on parkways and park in driveways?
Ask whoever wrote the Road Code
Who was the first person who looked at a chicken and said "im gonna eat the next thing that comes out of that birds rear end"
See cow answer
If the plural of goose is geese, why isn't the plural of moose meese?
Because english is stupid like that.
Why is it that everyone on Futurama seems to know everything that has happened in the last 1000 years?
Brain pills teach them...
Why is it called "Light Beer" if it weighs the same?
It was invented by Light industries ??
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Because english is stupid like that
Why is it called a building if it's already built?
A built sounds stupid
Why does my can of beans have a picture of beans, but my jar of baby food have a picture of a baby?
Ever wondered why it's called 'Baby' food ??
How do fools get money in the first place?
Rich relatives...rich dead relatives...
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
How exactly does one choke such a small little magical creature ??
If love is blind, why sell decorated lingerie?
Think Braille....
Why is there Braille on parking garage elevators?
So blind people know where to find them
Aren't all loops endless?
Yes. But saying Loop is easier
Why do you wear pairs of pants, but you can't buy just one pant?
Because, the element Pant has 4 electrons in it's outer shell and needs to bond to another Pant to get a full outer shell.
Who's the fool who lived in a glass house and filled it with rocks in the first place?
The same fool who thought having a bird in your hand was a good thing...
Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." Does that mean politicians don't exist?
Politicians are constantly thinking...of new ways to screw up the country
Why, when driving around looking for an address do you turn the radio down?
So you can hear yourself think about which house people live in
Why is it called "Light Beer" if it weighs the same?
The colour
Why do movies seem shorter the second time you watch them?
Because you fastfoward through all the crummy bits
Why are "Two heads better than one", yet "four-eyes" is an insult?
Unless you have four eyes, four ears, two noses, two mouths and twice the normal amount of other facial features you don't have two heads...
How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
Their guide dog barks at them...
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going
as ghosts but as mattresses?
Then what's with the eye holes ??
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
No
Is there another word for synonym?
Maybe
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
Well there is the other option of not going to a doctor due to the scary word and dying due to an easily recitifiable problem...
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
Weight and cost
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Depends whether he countersues or not
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Would would a walk with wings be called a fly ??
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
Sure..."cleaning" is what happens...
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?
Yes, they are required to by law
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
For blind people
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes ?
We don't...just really hairy people
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
They put the sign up BECAUSE Deer cross there
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Unsliced bread
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
If a synchronized watch breaks does the one its synchronized with break as well ??
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
There's a "Best Before" date...not an expiration one.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Succeeded at failing...duh!
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
The French...
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Think braille...
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Since when can cheese speak ??
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
Nope, smokos
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
What ever happened to the 1999 other models before *blank* 2000 ??
Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards
is Naive?
Probably not considering they're dumb enough to buy something like water
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. My family pays for bottled water, I've grown used to the clean taste of bottled and don't like tap (our tap isn't the best).
