Time for some showtunes!
Avenue Q - What Do You Do With A B.A. In English?/It Sucks To Be Me
PRINCETON
What do you do with a B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college
and plenty of knowledge
have earned me
this useless degree.
I can't pay the bills yet,
'cause I have no skills yet.
The world is a big
scary place...
But somehow I can't shake
the feeling I might make
a difference
to the human race!
(spoken)
KATE MONSTER
Morning, Brian!
BRIAN
Hi, Kate Monster.
KATE MONSTER
How's life?
BRIAN
Disappointing!
KATE MONSTER
What's the matter?
BRIAN
The catering company laid me off.
KATE MONSTER
Oh, I'm sorry!
BRIAN
Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm ten years out of college, and I
always thought --
KATE MONSTER
What?
BRIAN
No, it sounds stupid.
KATE MONSTER
Aww, come on!
(sung)
BRIAN
When I was little I thought I would be...
KATE MONSTER
What?
BRIAN
A big comedian on late night t.v.
But now I'm thirty-two and as you can see
I'm not.
KATE MONSTER
Nope!
BRIAN
Oh well,
it sucks to be me.
KATE MONSTER
Nooooo.
BRIAN
It sucks to be me.
KATE MONSTER
No!
BRIAN
It sucks to be broke and unemployed
and turning thirty-three.
It sucks to be me.
KATE MONSTER
Oh, you think your life sucks?
BRIAN
I think so.
KATE MONSTER
Your problems aren't so bad!
I'm kinda pretty, and pretty damn smart.
BRIAN
You are.
KATE MONSTER
Thanks!
I like romantic things like music and art.
And as you know I have a gigantic heart.
So why, don't I have a boyfriend?
(censored)! It sucks to be me!
BRIAN
Me too.
KATE MONSTER
It sucks to be me.
BRIAN
It sucks to be me.
It sucks to be Brian...
KATE MONSTER
And Kate...
BRIAN
To not have a job!
KATE MONSTER
To not have a date!
BOTH
It sucks to be me.
(spoken)
BRIAN
Hey, Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us?
Do you have a second?
ROD
Ah, certainly.
KATE MONSTER
Whose life sucks more? Brian's or mine?
(sung)
NICKY AND ROD
Ours!
ROD
We live together.
NICKY
We're as close as people can get.
ROD
We've been the best of buddies...
NICKY
Ever since the day we met.
ROD
So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset.
Oh, every day is an aggravation.
NICKY
Come on, that's an exaggeration!
ROD
You leave your clothes out.
You put your feet on my chair.
NICKY
Oh yeah? You do such anal things
like ironing your underwear.
ROD
You make that very small apartment we share
a hell.
NICKY
So do you.
That's why I'm in hell too!
ROD
It sucks to be me!
NICKY
No, it sucks to be me!
KATE MONSTER
It sucks to be me!
BRIAN
It sucks to be me!
ALL
Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?
It sucks to be me!
CHRISTMAS EVE
Why you all so happy?
NICKY
Because our lives suck!
CHRISTMAS EVE
Your lives suck?
I hearing you correctly? Ha!
I coming to this country for opportunities.
Tried to work in Korean deli,
but I am Japanese.
But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees
in social work!
And now I a therapist!
But I have no clients!
(smacking Brian)
And I have an
unemployed fiance!
And we have lots
of bills to pay!
It suck to be me!
It suck to be me!
I say it
Sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
suck!
It suck to be me.
(spoken)
PRINCETON
Excuse me?
BRIAN
Hey there.
PRINCETON
Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live.
CHRISTMAS EVE
Why you looking all the way out here?
PRINCETON
Well, I started at Avenue A, but so far everything is out
of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!
Oh, and look -- a "For Rent" sign!
BRIAN
You need to talk to the superintendent. Let me get him.
PRINCETON
Great, thanks!
BRIAN
Yo, GARY!
GARY COLEMAN
I'm comin'! I'm comin'!
PRINCETON
Oh my God! It's Gary Coleman!
GARY COLEMAN
Yes I am!
(sung)
I'm Gary Coleman
from TV's Diff'rent Strokes
I made a lotta money
that got stolen by my folks!
Now I'm broke and
I'm the butt of everyone's jokes,
but I'm here --
the superintendent!
On Avenue Q --
ALL
It sucks to be you.
KATE MONSTER
You win!
ALL
It sucks to be you.
BRIAN
I feel better now!
GARY COLEMAN
Try having people stopping you to ask you
"What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
It gets old.
ALL
It sucks to be you.
On Avenue Q.
(sucks to be me)
On Avenue Q.
(sucks to be you)
On Avenue Q.
(sucks to be us)
But not when
we're together.
We're together
here on Avenue Q!
We live on Avenue Q!
Our friends do too!
'Til our dreams come true,
we live on Avenue Q!
PRINCETON
This is real life!
ALL
We live on Avenue Q!
NICKY
You're gonna love it.
ALL
We live on Avenue Q!
GARY COLEMAN
Here's your keys!
ALL
Welcome to Avenue Q!
Rent - Goodbye Love
MIMI (to ROGER)
It's true you sold your guitar and bought a car?
ROGER
It's true- I'm leaving now for Santa Fe
It's true you're with this yuppie scum?
BENNY
You said you'd never speak to him again
MIMI
Not now
MAUREEN
Who said that you have any say
In who she says things to at all?
ROGER
Yeah
JOANNE
Who said that you should
Stick your nose in other people's
MAUREEN
Who said I was talking to you?
JOANNE
We used to have this fight each night
MARK
Calm down
JOANNE
She'd never admit I existed
MARK
Everyone please!
MIMI
He was the same way he was always
"Run away hit the road
Don't commit" you're full of (censored)
JOANNE
She's in denial
MIMI
He's in denial
JOANNE
Didn't give an inch
When I gave a mile
MARK
Come on
MIMI
I gave a mile
ROGER
Gave a mile to who?
MARK & BENNY
Come on guys chill
MIMI & JOANNE
I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Angel had
Someone to live for unafraid to say I love you
ROGER
All your words are nice Mimi
But love's not a three way street
You'll never share real love
Until you love yourself I should know
COLLINS
You all said you'd be cool today
So please for my sake
I can't believe he's gone
(to ROGER) I can't believe you're going
I can't believe this family must die
Angel helped us believe in love
I can't believe you disagree
ALL
I can't believe this is goodbye
(MAUREEN and JOANNE look at each other)
MAUREEN
Pookie
JOANNE
Honeybear
(They embrace)
JOANNE
I missed you
MAUREEN
I missed your smell
JOANNE
I missed your mouth...Your
(They kiss, but MAUREEN pulls away)
MAUREEN
Ow
JOANNE
What?
MAUREEN
Nothing, Pookie
JOANNE
No, baby, you said ow...What?
MAUREEN
Well, you bit my tongue
JOANNE
No, I didn't
MAUREEN
You did I'm bleeding
JOANNE
No, it isn't
MAUREEN
I think I should know
JOANNE
Let me see
MAUREEN
She doesn't believe me!
JOANNE
I was only trying to
(They laugh, hug, and wave goodbye, exiting stage right. The PASTOR
from the church emerges on the above)
PASTOR
Thomas B. Collins
COLLINS
Coming
(The PASTOR exits above and COLLINS exits into the church. BENNY
stands off to the side as MIMI approaches ROGER, who turns away. She
hesitates before leaving with BENNY. ROGER and MARK are left alone)
MARK
I hear there are great restaurants out west
ROGER
Some of the best. How could she?
MARK
How could you let her go?
ROGER
You just don't know How could we lose Angel?
MARK
Maybe you'll see why when you stop escaping your pain
At least now if you try- Angel's death won't be in vain
ROGER
His death is in vain
(MIMI reappears up left, in the shadows. She overhears ROGER and
MARK's conversation)
MARK
Are you insane?
There so much to care about
There's me- there's Mimi
ROGER
Mimi's got her baggage, too
MARK
So do you
ROGER
Who are you to tell me what I know, what to do
MARK
A friend
ROGER
But who, Mark, are you?
"Mark has got his work"
They say "Mark lives for his work"
And "Mark's in love with his work"
Mark hides in his work
MARK
But from what?
ROGER
From facing your failure, facing your loneliness
Facing the fact you live a lie
Yes, you live a lie tell you why
You're always preaching not to be numb
When that's how you thrive
You pretend to create and observe
When you really detach from feeling alive
MARK
Perhaps it's because I'm the one of us to survive
ROGER
Poor baby
MARK
Mimi still loves Roger
Is Roger really jealous
Or afraid that Mimi's weak
ROGER
Mimi did look pale
MARK
Mimi's gotten thin
Mimi's running out of time
Roger's running out the door
ROGER
No more! Oh no
I've gotta go
MARK
Hey, for somebody who's always been let down
Who's heading out of town?
ROGER
For someone who longs for a community of his own,
Who's with his camera, alone?
(ROGER takes a step to go, then stops, turns)
I'll call
I hate the fall
(ROGER turns to go and sees MIMI)
You heard?
MIMI
Every word
You don't want baggage without lifetime guarantees
You don't want to watch me die
I just came to say
Goodbye, love
Goodbye, love
Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye
MIMI
Just came to say
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye
ROGER
Glory
One blaze of
Glory
Have to find
(ROGER exits. BENNY returns. MIMI steps away)
MIMI
Please don't touch me
Understand
I'm scared
I need to go away
MARK
I know a place a clinic
BENNY
A rehab?
MIMI
Maybe could you?
BENNY
I'll pay
MIMI
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye
Just came to say
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Hello disease
Wicked - Popular
GALINDA
(spoken)
Elphie - now that we're friends, I've decided to
make you my new project.
ELPHABA
(spoken)
You really don't have to do that
GALINDA
(spoken)
I know. That's what makes me so nice!
(sung)
Whenever I see someone
Less fortunate than I
(And let's face it - who isn't
Less fortunate than I?)
My tender heart
Tends to start to bleed
And when someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over
I know I know exactly what they need
And even in your case
Tho' it's the toughest case I've yet to face
Don't worry - I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead
And yes, indeed
You will be:
Popular!
You're gonna be popular!
I'll teach you the proper ploys
When you talk to boys
Little ways to flirt and flounce
I'll show you what shoes to wear
How to fix your hair
Everything that really counts
To be popular
I'll help you be popular!
You'll hang with the right cohorts
You'll be good at sports
Know the slang you've got to know
So let's start
'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go:
Don't be offended by my frank analysis
Think of it as personality dialysis
Now that I've chosen to be come a pal, a
Sister and adviser
There's nobody wiser
Not when it comes to popular -
I know about popular
And with an assist from me
To be who you'll bee
Instead of dreary who-you-were: are:
There's nothing that can stop you
From becoming popu-
Ler: lar:
La la la la
We're gonna make
You popular
When I see depressing creatures
With unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf
To think of
Celebrated heads of state or
Specially great communicators
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh!
They were popular! Please -
It's all about popular!
It's not about aptitude
It's the way you're viewed
So it's very shrewd to be
Very very popular
Like me!
(spoken)
Why, Miss Elphaba, look at you. You're beautiful.
ELPHABA
(spoken)
I - I have to go
GALINDA
(spoken)
You're welcome!
(sung)
And though you protest
Your disinterest
I know clandestinely
You're gonna grin and bear it
Your new found popularity
La la la la
You'll be popular -
Just not as quite as popular
As me!
Little Shop of Horrors - Feed Me (Git It!)
SEYMOUR
Sudden changes surround me
Lady luck came and found me
Thanks a million for making the magic you do
Thanks to you sweet petunia
Mushnik's takin' a junior
And someday when I own this whole shop
I'll remember I owe it to you
(spoken)
Aww, Twoey. Who cares if I've been a little on the
anemic side these past few weeks.
So what if I've had a few dizzy spells.
A little light headedness.
It's been worth it old pal.
Look, I'm gonna run down to Schmendrik's and get
something to eat. I'll see you later
(AUDREY II wilts)
Oh boy. Here we go again!
Twoey, I haven't got much left!
Look, just let me heal a few more days, ok?
Then we'll start on the left hand again!
AUDREY II
Feed me!
SEYMOUR
I beg your pardon?
AUDREY II
Feed me!
SEYMOUR
Twoey! You talked!
You opened up your....trap, your thing, and you said...
AUDREY II
Feed me, Krelborn! Feed me now!
SEYMOUR
I can't!
AUDREY II
I'm starving!
SEYMOUR
Oh boy...maybe I can squeeze a little out of this one...
AUDREY II
I need some food! More! More!
SEYMOUR
But there isn't anymore!
What do you want me to do?
Slit my wrists?
AUDREY II
Hmm...
SEYMOUR
Look, how 'bout I run down to the corner
and pick you up some nice chop sirloin?
AUDREY II
Must be blood!
SEYMOUR
Twoey, that's disgusting!
AUDREY II
Must be fresh!
SEYMOUR
I don't wanna hear this!
AUDREY II
(sung)
Feed me!
SEYMOUR
Does it have to be human?
AUDREY II
Feed me!
SEYMOUR
Does it have to be mine?
AUDREY II
Feed me!
SEYMOUR
Where am I supposed to get it?
AUDREY II
Feed me, Seymour
Feed me all night long
(spoken)
That's right, boy
You can do it
(sung)
Feed me, Seymour
Feed me all night long
'Cause if you feed me, Seymour
I can grow up big and strong
SEYMOUR
(spoken)
You eat blood, Audrey II.
How am I supposed to keep on feeding you?
Kill people?
AUDREY II
I'll make it worth your while.
SEYMOUR
What?
AUDREY II
You think this is all a coincidence, baby?
The sudden success around here?
Your adoption papers?
SEYMOUR
Look, you're a plant! An inanimate object!
AUDREY II
Does this look inanimate to you, punk?
If I can talk, and I can move, who's to say
I can't do anything I want?
SEYMOUR
Like what?
AUDREY II
Like deliver, pal! Like see you get
everything your secret greasy heart desires!
(sung)
Would you like a Cadillac car?
Or a guest shot on Jack Paar?
How about a date with Hedy Lamarr?
You gonna git it.
How'd you like to be a big wheel?
Dinin' out for every meal?
I'm the plant who can make it all real
You gonna git it
I'm your genie, I'm your friend
I'm your willing slave
Take a chance, just feed me and
You know the kinda eats,
The kinda red hot treats
The kinda sticky licky sweets
I crave
Come on, Seymour, don't be a putz
Trust me and your life will surely rival King Tut's
Show a little 'nitiative, work up the guts
And you'll git it
SEYMOUR
I don't know...I don't know
I have so, so many strong reservations
Should I go and perform mutilations?
AUDREY II
(spoken)
You didn't have nothing til you met me.
Come on kid, what'll it be?
Money? Girls? One particular girl?
How 'bout that Audrey? Think it over.
There must be someone you can eighty-six
real quiet like and get me some lunch.
(sung)
How about a room at the Ritz
Wrapped in velvet, covered in glitz
A little nookie gonna clean up your zits
And you'll git it
SEYMOUR
Gee I'd like a Harley machine,
Toolin' around like I was James Dean,
Makin' all the guys on the corner turn green
AUDREY II
So go git it
If you wanna be profound
And you really gotta justify
Take a breath and look around
A lot of folks deserve to die
SEYMOUR
(spoken)
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!!!
That's not a very nice thing to say!
AUDREY II
But it's true, isn't it?
SEYMOUR
No! I don't know anyone who deserves
to get chopped up and fed to a hungry plant!
AUDREY II
Hmmm...sure you do!
(ORIN and AUDREY enter)
ORIN
Stupid woman! Christ, what a freakin' scatterbrain!
AUDREY
I'm sorry doctor! I'm sorry doctor!
ORIN
Now get the hell in there and pick up
your goddamn sweater, you dizzy cow!
AUDREY
Yes doctor! Right away doctor!
Hi Seymour! I left my sweater here before.
ORIN
Come on, move it you little slut!
How do you like that stupid dame?
Forgets her freakin' sweater!
Christ, if your stupid head weren't screwed on!
(Smacks AUDREY)
AUDREY
Orin, that hurt!
ORIN
Move it!
(ORIN and AUDREY exit)
SEYMOUR, AUDREY II
(sung)
If you want a rationale
It isn't that hard to see
Stop and think it over, pal
The guy sure looks like plant food to me
The guy sure looks like plant food to me
The guy sure looks like plant food to me
SEYMOUR
He's so nasty, treatin' her rough,
AUDREY II
Smackin' her around and always talkin' so tough.
SEYMOUR
You need blood and he's got more than enough!
AUDREY II
I need blood and he's got more than enough!
SEYMOUR, AUDREY II
You (I) need blood and he's got more than enough!
AUDREY II
So go git it!
I signed in to my account at 11:03 pm on Mon Jan 05, 2009. My last visit beforehand was Thu Dec 01, 2005 at 10:26 pm. Um....wow.
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