Post math jokes here! Feel free to ask for explanations if you don't get something.
Q: What did the mathematician say after a big meal?
A: "Square root of negative one divided by sixty-four."
I totally headdesked when I saw that one. XD
Math Jokes
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Math Jokes
No, I never officially left; yes, I am gone forever. I have also permanently left AIM. If you need to contact me, drop a line on LJ. Same username.
Re: Math Jokes
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."
"A lot of people run a race to see who is fastest. I run to see who has the most guts." - Steve Prefontaine
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Pink
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Re: Math Jokes
Yeah, my husband got me on this pick-up line:
I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves
I don't know what that means really...he just told me to write it...someone PM me with an explanation...lol
I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves
I don't know what that means really...he just told me to write it...someone PM me with an explanation...lol
Re: Math Jokes
Pink wrote:Yeah, my husband got me on this pick-up line:
I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves
I don't know what that means really...he just told me to write it...someone PM me with an explanation...lol
Now geeky pickup lines is a whole different ballgame!
Re: Math Jokes
Pink wrote:Yeah, my husband got me on this pick-up line:
I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves
I don't know what that means really...he just told me to write it...someone PM me with an explanation...lol
lol XDDDD.
Explanation:
Re: Math Jokes
Here's a short one from my friend's horrible joke section of his website:
Calculus and alcohol don't mix.
Don't drink and derive.
Oddly enough, his site also has the tangent joke mentioned above, hehe.
Calculus and alcohol don't mix.
Don't drink and derive.
Oddly enough, his site also has the tangent joke mentioned above, hehe.
Please help my dragons grow and give a click!
Re: Math Jokes
Terrible math puns:
What did the southern mathematician acorn say when he grew up?
What did the mathematician say when the evil witch who put a curse on him died?
A chemist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all standing around when a nearby cannon is fired.
The chemist says, "the reason that cannon works is because the chemical reaction in the saltpeter releases a large amount of gas within a short time frame, which forces the cannonball from the bore."
The mathematician says, "the cannonball will travel along a certain predictable pathway described by these equations, which take into account gravity, initial angle, height of the opening of the cannon, and wind resistance."
The engineer puts on a baseball glove and walks to where the last cannonball landed.
What did the southern mathematician acorn say when he grew up?
What did the mathematician say when the evil witch who put a curse on him died?
A chemist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all standing around when a nearby cannon is fired.
The chemist says, "the reason that cannon works is because the chemical reaction in the saltpeter releases a large amount of gas within a short time frame, which forces the cannonball from the bore."
The mathematician says, "the cannonball will travel along a certain predictable pathway described by these equations, which take into account gravity, initial angle, height of the opening of the cannon, and wind resistance."
The engineer puts on a baseball glove and walks to where the last cannonball landed.
Re: Math Jokes
angisfab wrote:Here's a short one from my friend's horrible joke section of his website:
Calculus and alcohol don't mix.
Don't drink and derive.
Oddly enough, his site also has the tangent joke mentioned above, hehe.
My friend bought a bumper sticker that said that and gave it to my calculus teacher for Christmas *sighs*
And my precal teacher always used to go "Gee! I'm a tree!" XD It never made sense.
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theonlysaneone
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Re: Math Jokes
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a protractor, a T-square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The man is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search for absolute value. They use secret code names like x and y and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to dis-integrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
from http://www.doe.virginia.gov/Div/Winches ... hweap.html
At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The man is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search for absolute value. They use secret code names like x and y and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to dis-integrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
from http://www.doe.virginia.gov/Div/Winches ... hweap.html
IDB Rater, Pink Inker
Re: Math Jokes
ummm.............. hi can we do school related lokes rather than just maths jokes because i got a load of school jokes but only 1 maths one
set by Byakuya San.....Thanks your awesome
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jobypollard
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Re: Math Jokes
How about 36x24x36?
not the "Perfect Female Figure"
In my 4th grade schoolyear I saw the sign & it appeared as "incomplete", to me! Replace the "bys" as times
36 x 24 x 36 = 31,104! & show that, to the class.
& another equation using a calculator do 6 x 0.1289 & the answer is 0.7734. Then have the calculator turned upside down & the 0.7734 will show as "hello".
not the "Perfect Female Figure"
In my 4th grade schoolyear I saw the sign & it appeared as "incomplete", to me! Replace the "bys" as times
36 x 24 x 36 = 31,104! & show that, to the class.
& another equation using a calculator do 6 x 0.1289 & the answer is 0.7734. Then have the calculator turned upside down & the 0.7734 will show as "hello".
Re: Math Jokes
Newton, Leibniz, and Pascal were playing hide and go seek, and Leibniz was it. While Pascal ran off in to the bushes, Newton quickly drew a box in the ground and stood in the middle of it. Soon Leibniz was done counting, turned around, and saw Newton just...standing there.
"Newton, I've found you."
"No you haven't."
"Yes I have."
"No, you found Pascal," Gesturing at the ground, he continued, "One Newton per square meter."
"Newton, I've found you."
"No you haven't."
"Yes I have."
"No, you found Pascal," Gesturing at the ground, he continued, "One Newton per square meter."
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Blue
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Re: Math Jokes
This one still has me chuckling 
I can just visualize Newton standing in a square with a serious face explaining it.
I can just visualize Newton standing in a square with a serious face explaining it.
Pittbunny wrote:Newton, Leibniz, and Pascal were playing hide and go seek, and Leibniz was it. While Pascal ran off in to the bushes, Newton quickly drew a box in the ground and stood in the middle of it. Soon Leibniz was done counting, turned around, and saw Newton just...standing there.
"Newton, I've found you."
"No you haven't."
"Yes I have."
"No, you found Pascal," Gesturing at the ground, he continued, "One Newton per square meter."
